BILIOUSNESS.
THE HONGKONG DAILY PRESS SATURDAY, JUNE 1978, 1918,
There are many causes of this complaint, but they all spring from a disordered liver which does not properly fulfil its functions, especially in *. warni climate, when it becomes sluggish in its action. The bile is turned from its proper channel, and enters the blood, and the person so affected is demoralised throughout his entire system
"They Reach the Liver."
The presence of biliary poison in the blood upsets the entire digestive system, and is the chief cause of sick headaches, it also catises dull palan and uneasiness in the right side and shoulder blade, a bitter taste in the mouth, sudden dizziness on rising, spots floating before the eyes, furred tongue, bad breath, bowels loose one day and All or any of these constipated the next. symptoms may accompany the bilious condition, and while so affected life is scarcely worth livinge
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GENERAL PLUMER
LWAYS GETS THERE
BASY MAN.
[DY DOROTHY DIK.)
One of the marvels of nature is man's perpetual unsophistication where women aro concerned, and the case with which lie can be sold a gold brick in the matri montal confidence game.
predecessors.
PTE. TOMMY ATKINS SOME FUNNY STORIES ABOUT THE BRITISH SOLDIER.
INCORRIGIBLE JESTER
Anid the whirl and maze of battle the soldier's humour is the one thing that he cannot lose. In easy times, in tight corners, in the face of death itself, he is an incorrigible iestor. There is nothing laboured about his wit: his jokes ara
soon as they are made.Y
always spontaneous, forgotten almost as
Te las recently boan announced that Liener Sir Herbert Plumer has return e fre Italy, where he was in command of the British Expeditionary Fores, to assum command on the Western front. Ago, observation, the experience of In the conduction the following charic others, the familiarity of tricks that have been repeated a million times, appear to ter skit of him by one who has served teach him nothing. He still rises to the under um makes interesting reading, old bait, and is hooked in the same man- Sir ferbert Plumer is said to be the ner as have been countless others of his oldest our gonerals at the front. It
In proof whertof consider the story of may bithat he is so in years, but certain the two woman who have recently been ly not heart, mind, or body Anne convicted of using the mails for fraudu: would by so who saw hint, as I did re-
lent purposes, Their scheme was 'sim pantly stepping to church as smart as o
plicity itself. new pi among all the slush and filth matrimonial journal and answered the The South African war was responsible Flande
advertisements of the men who sought for for the immortal story of the convalescent It sees hard to believe that forty years.wives through its colunins.
soldier in hospital who, having had his These women were literally all things by differont ladies of high degree, who face washed three times in one morning baye pared since he joined the gallant old whe collaret 65 th now the York and Lasters in Lucknow. He was coming up to whatever requirements the to all men, and represented themselves us
were amusing themselves by looking after follow altern in that battalion with man wanted in a helpmate, but they head of his bed next day with a notice the poor dear, wounded," adorned the Johnson, that forceful horamanexplained that the suitor would have to setting forth that he was Too Sick afterwas so well-known at Hurlingham end them enough money for a wedding Today to be Nursed.
and as ster of the Meath Hounds-
PANECHABING ROUND LUCKNOW"
2
It wrobably partly in the paper chases with Watson organised over the mud-wale country around Lucknow that Plumerat picked up the horse love which awards made him so capable an
officer ofübunted infantry,
But thigh serious soldiering was not
Toned as in the Soudan.
An Indian newspaper has been at great pains to collect a number of the best anecdotes, Not all of them are new but they are at least worth re-telling, Hera
uro a few They subscribed to...ä
THE "WALKINO Burts.”
dress and the railroad ticket. In this manner they collected $3,000 before the heavy hand of the law descended upon them, and put a stop to their workingThen again, there is the story of the the gold mine of man's credulity about smart young staff officer who rode up to a women.
party of dusty warriors weary with foot-slogging many miles over the field, with the query Are you the West Riding? No, mo lord," came a cheery voice from the rear, we ain't! We're the blinkin' Buffs walkin'".
India, naturally, has been for many years a fruitful hunting ground for
They sent along their pictures. Oli, yes, but these pictures they obtained in cutting the pictures out of a movie maga su usual those days for a subalterntine and pasting them on bits of card as it is wit came in Tlamer's like just board. If the men had any senss they he wouldn't haze fallen for us,' was the at much sport Characteristically was preting even then, in silence, for only excuse that the women urged in their
own defence.
storica of Alkins. One of the best con bigger tags in his career. It was not
cerns a sorap of desultory conversation True. But when did man ever wince between two mer stretched on the ground bold he saw active service and
Then he any sense in dealing with women No won his fance to the Satff College, and natter how clever a man may be, no at the end of a field-day just before the march back to barracks. It was u Mon- there did well. It was generally held watter how been sighted everywhere else, day; and, presumably, in the mind of that one man had been through the no matter how old and worldly wise and the first speaker there still lingered Staff Cole he become 2. Brass Hat, Cynical, no mulets, when he approaches Erdiments of the scriptural languago he bound wibed taps, body and soul, for be in other respects,
heurd in church the previous day, ever and unless be got a gold-tub the women proposition he lays aside all for he suddenly observed-apropos of like shockiber it to rehumaniso hing,
Common human intelligence, and becomes nothing at all:And the Lord said unto as blindly trusting as a labe, and an rosos. Arfrightturn Without a easy mark for any vamp who happens mount's hesitation his neighbour lying along his way
next him added And Moses, not own is drill, turned arf-left;" Atkins, being the best-hearted fellow in the world, is always anxious to hearten anyone in affliction; and the following story illustrates a well-meant effort in Outside the Pasteur this direction. institute at Kasauli, in the north of India, may usually be seen at mid-day a crowd of quite a hundred persons, fron all parts of the country waiting to be bites inoculated against the ill effects by rabid dogs, jackals and the like. On one occasion the new arrivals included an officer who was anything hat comfortable as to the effect the inoculation would have upon him, and to him spoke a Tommy with words of cheer. Don't
it," he said why, it ain't nothing this Inoculation A friend o mine bit me; and I said it was a dog; and I've been Pavin' oliday ere for a week!!!
Plumer led the best counter-plunks to the Staff College habit when, after fully Imbibing the up-to-date methods of strategy be tendencies, and theories of modernrat between great nations, le was suddey called upon in 1896 to or ganise the vaguest materials in South Aft an expedition to effect be relief of afgeleland from a widespread native
Ho officers from any where and men from there in particular, He mounted equipped them, and from the railhead Maicking, he plunged then off in the bash for a five-hundred mile trek Bulawayo, to pick up their soldiers sing on the way. Rinder- pest killed his oxen, horse-sickness took his mules; he reserve ment supply con- sisted of oldting of preserved beef which had formed to feretment of the parapets of Fort Tu
during a previous ent
paign!
Never he had his force success fully in beeld in time to save Bulawayo. B was not accomplished exactly ou the ill-and-dried lines of the Text Book is a matter of ingenuity, taot
and can resolution, backed by the application & the situation of extensive foresight and tatamonisense, which, after all, constitur all that matters of tactical skill and ability?
Three year hter this experience of im. provisation and the local knowledge gained of that part of South Africa stood him in, good send when the Boer War
broke out.
Aguin he was suddenly called upon to form a rougaand ready lighting force for defence of the Rhodesian frontier. And right well he carried out the scheme successfully holding the border for seven months against the caeny, in a desolate country, with a mall force, far away from communicafons, supplies, and
assistance.
People at ere asking "Where is Plumer; what is he at?"
Unseen and little heard of, he was stick ing it out, roughing it with his men, and enduring hardps and anxieties alike. with ever cheery optimism.
And then in the end he was able suc- cosefully to give helping hand in the relief of Matching part of the campaign
During the ister Plumer especially distinguished himself in the ready help that he always gave in backing up other columns at their work his men and hers were never too tired to more ** to the sound of the guns,”
Among those who served under him he had the popularity that comes to the leader in whom they have confidence and whose heart is laman, strict and deter mined though he be
There
To the enemy he was a terror. They attacked many
of bur generals, but Plumer they avoided if they could.
IN THE BOEK FJR. 2 were many others stronger columns in the field, fut it was this little bunch of hard-bitten Coloniale, under their untiring leader, that Kruger fear ed, especially ance if operated from the quarters whence the Jamieson Raid had once pounced upon him.
It was as a maker of bricks without straw that Plumer had made his name known in the Army, and as a consequence he was in time elevated to the post of Quarter-master-general at the War Orice. But active work in the field was more in his line, and, tortunately, in the light of after events, he continued to keep his
Men don't reason about women. They are guided by their desires, and they woman is just exactly what believe that they want her to be, without ever trying to find out whether she is or not.
These farmers wanted to believe that they
would get wives for the price of a railroad ticket and a wedding dress who would cook, wash, to dairy work, and be the living image of Mary Pickford or Hazel Dawn, or Theda Bara, and so they and along their money without further investigation.
We laugh at them as easy marks, yet are they more stupid than the men we see all about us who are letting them solves be lured to the altar by women who will make them miserable wives, and who are accomplishing their purpose by means of a few poor tricks so transparent that even a blind baby should be able to sec through them?
Thero's the rich old man who marries
of
you worry,
The scent of the next little yarn mus girl young enough to be his grand laid in na Indian up-country railway daughter, and is perfectly assured that station, where amid the jostling crowds. his money has nothing to do with the case, of Indians an English official saw to hiy and that he is loved for hitnself alone regret upon the platform a corporal and
'private' of Of course he must have noticed that, but the worse for liquor and inchued to be a certain regiment somewhat girls nover fall in love with old men, but noisy Close, by, on a station beach, tak in bis breast, and when his little darling in no ho regiment who looked as tolle him in one breath how she longs for men of
the fact doesn't touse a single suspicion
any
those two
notice whatever, two more
a string of pearls, and in the next how quiet and respectable as it was possible Can't you get hold of she preters saturs men to callow kids, he for men to be swallows it hook, line and sinker.
asked the official, and, How
quict girl of 18 can run #imflam keep them oly, comrades of yours and game on a man of G0 odd who has the reply was"Very sorry, sir, but wo engineered big deals and outwitted the can't do nothing." The official went on, sharpest of his own sex is one of the pointing out how it was the duty of the mysteries that will never he explained, white man in India to set an example, But we've all seen it done dozens of times and how the behaviour of the two delin
discredit. Then there's the intellectual mau, the quents was calculated to bring man of books, cultured, deeply read. How on the regiment; but he was only vouch- often do we see him married to a pretty safed the sale answer: We can't do little gose who never read anything nothing. But why not?" he inquired deeper than a Robert Chambers novel in at last in a state of exasperation, and the amazing reply:" Beg her life and who hasn't two ideas in her received
pardon, sir, but, yer see it's like this. head.
yet the wise man has married that We're two loonatics and them's the little idiot, believing that he would get
escort." companionship from her, and that because her eyes were bright with youth there was The Atkins who, standing in a crowd intelligence and understanding behind to watch some volunteers march past, them.
delivered himself of the sententious You would think that a nian who had remark: Thank Gawd for the Navy!! devoted much of his life to a study of was awit and there are two more feminine psychology, and who could examples dating from the time when Mr. theoretically pick all of woman's moods Haldune was Secretary of State for War. and teases to pieces and analyse them. It was consule" Haldane that the idea could see through the little arts and originated of granting twopence a day affectations of any woman.
extra pay to men who succeeded in pass-
GRIM TUMOUR *
But he can't. His theory may be per ing certain shooting test and on one practise on some individual woman who failed to pass, had got close enough to fect, but when he tried to put into occasion a Tommy, who had hitherto has marked him for her own there is the required score to need only an some hitch in the
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murmurs Oh, how wonderful you ground, oppin', breath, and he never doubts that he has A somewhat grim humour pervades the at last found a woman capable of appre-story about the German spy, Bentenced to ciation of what is best and finest in art be shot, who had to walk some distance. and literature.
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Yet this is all old stuff out of woman's carried out It was a cold rainy morn- hereditary bag of tricks that has been ing, and the prisoner grumbled consider- handed down from mother to daughter ably at having to walk so far. His escort since the time of Eve You wouldn't bore with him for some time; but, at last, think a man would any more fall for it wearted by the prisoner's interminable than he would for the sick-Indian and (and, as it seemned, unreasonable) com- gold mine stunt, yet fool women are still plaints about the weather, one of them acquiring brilliant husbands by this sin burst out with: Ere, wat 'ave you to ple expedient every day. His Most men desire a domestic wife, and Brouse about? We've got to walk back
they artlessly believe that a girl who will put on a white apron and make fudge,
That's the way thousands of men are or who darns her silk stockings in the parlour when she has company can be married and they never know it, poor relied on to be a thrifty wife and a good dears. M cook. More marry on that platform, only unreliable a bit of
hand in the command of troops,
Then came the Great Was. achievements there are the natural sequel to his earlier history; putat is the earlier history that is profitable for the young officer to study if he wants to realise the steps by which
attains succes9. Typical of his
as of his
career
a
Generally speaking, men judge women
to find out that the white apron and the by these simple rules. If a woman baa a
of the Messines darning was as
was Plumers of the war for domestic carioutinge as the little shirt good complexion, pearly teeth and large
Ridge, one of the
blua cyas they attribute every angelic
sharp, sudden shinaning of any that Becky sharp was so many years sew virtue to her. If she opens her eyes very
dowever, by any means a matter of orden inspiration, int the ling on in public for her son that he grew wide and has what is known in feminine
of spe sult of verlong, silent, careful prepara- up to be a man while it was smaking.
David Warfield explained once tion of mines aug twelve months pre
ace that he viously of gun-poser gradually and way he made people gry was by working steadily built up, of storming manoeuvres his chin. Women had beat hing to that carefully robearged over and over again discovers by several thousand years.
how to make her
Lipa Yes
parlance as the baby stare she is perfectly innocent, no matter how much appear- abtes may he against her, If she cries easily she is very tender bearted dati If nhe is a good listener the is intelli
If the gent.
jelice a man to beat the
21
on models of the ground till all were Every woman knows up with tears, band she is a woman of profound taste
weary of it except the General himself. quiver and her
He tusisted on perfect work before rush.und that when she has done that she has and judgment. If she has on a simple
helplessness, weakness, piteous
looking dress, she is very economical
ing his meu into the assault. Plumer Wild on a man that makes him call And any woman, especially any female
plays the gate for his side and not for
himself, be plays with pluck and deter she's asking him for even if it's his own about any other woman is a cat,
a brute and give her whatever relative, who tries to put a man si mination, re curcefulness and vim, and
38.2
he generally therefore "gets there" at the ond-reqing-Standard-
life and happiness.
"(Continued as foot of next Column.)
Oh, yes, men are easy for women to work. Which is God's mercy to our sàx.
mer paste, of the world, (Forelan sampa accepted.)
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