1960-11-29 — Page 6

THE CHINA · MAIL, TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 1960.

AWAY FROM THE THEATRE, IT SEEMS THAT EVEN A SHADOW HAS ITS USES...

RECEPTION

When it comes to

hotels

:

I MAY not always know a good play when I read one, but I am a very sound judge of a good hotel. In both cases I rely on my instinct.

The fairies who came to my christening de- cided that such an outstanding baby must carry extra weight to stop him sprinting away from the rest of the field, and saddled me with a fatal instinct called Fred.

the

Over the years Fred has gỗi me lato a lot of trouble

but I would

rakter theatre, istes to him than to the advier of all my friends put together,

my Fred is

foolproof

by ROBERT MORLEY

I should never це япу done at all.

work in an adjusted hotel you will

hardly notice that

have

Pred, too, has always taken a diem late about people, dilking must of them of sight for the must bizare reasons. AFGHDIENTS

UX 4

*** tu mirror with " 3 tel my friends, "Your

myself eputant casting Swedish acrobat ari zinued and reasoned, and you are probably right in thinking that the play rau have un popular appeal, and that it is madness to open it in a converted cinema of Hasing- stoke during Holy Week, but Fred triis me that this is the smart thing to du. su we'll gi ulicach,"

Afterwards, counting up the I get grimm losses incured, satisfaction from having proved iny old friend Fred Wrong once ugain.

Any success I have achieved in the theatre has always been in the teeth of Fred's upposition, In the cinema, I have found it simpler never to to him what I am up to.

My rule

I have made it a rule never

to read the 1m scripts

am

"I don't care for that ose at

all," he will remark. "Ifis eyes are much 190 close together." another beautiful und Aud pasaibly, profitable friendship is over before it was begun.

The exact distance by wltich

human face the eyes should be separated is some- thang Fred has never 2011- descended to explain, but ht lapeless to argue with hini. Once he has made up his mind.

U11

nothing, not even plastic

ry, can alter it.

sur-

Fred

But, as a compensation for all the trouble and expense has caused me in other depari- ments, he really goes in to bat for me when it comes to hotels. In this vid, at least, his advice has been invaluable, and some of it, I trust, worth pass- ing on.

which

"Hotels can be divided into Those which two main classes.

re adjusted, and these sent, test he should be peeping are disturbed. To tell the dif- over my shoulder, and I make ference, all you have to do is sure he is not present when I to sign the register at the recep- sign the contract. Otherwise, tien desk.

dune 30,

you

personally would prefer peace and quiet.

"Do try to find me a bath- room," you plead

"Just a minute." She tuuns her attention to the man stand- him ing beside you, and fixes up with a sitting-room and two batha.

Forlorn

There Inter

to 728 and watt there until the Juggage shows up. If the hotel is really disturbed this could be anything up to one hour.

In disturbed hotels this period of wating is prolonged in order to break down resistance.

The victim, having nothing to do in an empty bedroom, scuttles around opening tun- tards, playing with the tops and Hight switches, making abortive little forays along the curridor, and being put through an the telephone to a bewilder- Ing number of departments, in- cluding room service, the news

In a disturbed hotel your difficulties will begin us you approach the counter, which has been designed to simulate a post office, even down to the pen, which splutters, and the intense You are still standing

assumed forlornly some of preoccupation

minutes uy the young lady on the other when you realise that the post- side.

mistress has forgotten all about you. "You were going to stand, the accounts department, To find me a back rondt," you tenund her.

air

No bathroom

You begin by telling her your name. The receptionist will dlo her best at this stage lo con- vhve you that you forgot 10

This reserve your room.

she

does

a by consulting great mumber of secret documents in front of her in complete silence, ni she senses that your nerve is beginning to crack.

she

A length, looking up at you,

simply: says

"Seven twenty-eight," an, lest you should feel that you have scored a point, she adds that there Is so bathroom.

"But I particularly asked for a bathrooni," you tell her.

The postmistress shrugs her shoulders. "We're very full," she replies, indicating that she

"I'm sorry," she tells you, "we bathroom vagunt may have later in the week," and signifes that the interview is at an end by handing you a small piece of pasteboard on which is in- secribed your room number and the price demanded for it, along to leave with a warning not your things lying around, and a stern hint to get your hair cut the As possible on mezzanine floor,

1.8

5000

ceases to assure

д

and occasionally even the front who attributed the incident to it happen again. Meanwhile, hall, where the porter

never racial discrimination, was 'n my I've put the dollar on the bli."

the cpinion too touchy, even or him that luggage is on the way up.

The waiter may or may not politielan.

have got his dollar. All I know Is i never got the money the play.

Grateful

il

He was merely staying in disturbed hotel, of which there are a sizeable number in New York.

grateful In a grossly

When it finally arrives he is

disturbed hotel not culy pathetically but also a little mad with grief in Manhattan, during a visit on Important business and worry. His spirit is broken far more

no further than that of the United Nations, and he will give

I was interrupted during a con- trouble.

And, of course, it is not only ference with a possible backer in England that you get dis of a play. turbed hotels.

I had, the hotel clerk pointest The African delegate to the out, forgotten to tip the floor United Nations who was kept walter, who had just brought

hours For Fred is of no help at a time waiting two

up a bottle of Scotch. like this. If there

Hotel were any service in a New York where better to stay in the town he would have told you about if. All you can do is to go up

Prolonged

for

Martin

FRED

playing the local variety theatre that week. "That," he told me. was the best rów I've ever is a compliment heard," which I am very proud to remember. What makes one hotel adjusted and another disturbed remains a mystery, It has nothing to de chau- There is not much to be done with Atted carpets and about a disturbed hotel except deliers. But,

once as Fred to move aut, although I did once remarked to me, in an adjusted deduct quite a large percentage hotel there are

no servants, from the bill on the grounds of Only friends. discomfort and gross neglect.

Astonished

On the whole, and thanks to hi, my hotel life has been a has ful and happy one. He picked some terrible playa, bul but he has seen to it that I wrs Rather to my surprise,

housed while wat to Fred's. I got away with very comfortably

I was acting in them. Most of it and when I had finished say- ing my plece to the astonished the hotels we stayed in are still flourishing. 7 wish I could 827. recently-only to be told by the "Imagine you were busy at manager. I remember having the same about the theatres. walter when he finally appeared the time, Mr Morley," he told my hand shaken by one of the that he was going off duty-and me. "I am sure you won't let O'Gorman brothers who

room

Ready in our hands now: Bomb-power equal to

7,500 'Hiroshimas'

THESE ARE THE STAGGERING FACTS ABOUT THE PUNCH BRITAIN PACKS

WITH the election of President Kennedy the US. will be governed by a "new broom" Administration in-

Wvolving far-reaching changes which could conceivably affect the Anglo-American alliance.

How strong is Britain's real capacity to deter aggression if ever she has to stand alone in the years im- mediately ahead? What lies behind the Government's insistence-reiterated by Defence Minister Harold Wat- kinson recently that the independent British deterrent, which the rebel Socialists want to scrap, is really some- thing terrifiie.

After Inquiries at the highest levels In the US. and Britain I en reveal these staggering facts which have never before been disclosed.

120 H-bombs

The British stockpile of nuclear bombs available for immediate use by the R.A.F. is now so big that it could inflict devastation equal

CHAPMAN PINCHER

to 7.500 Hiroshimas if it ever had to be used in self defence.

Air Marshal Sir Kenneth "Bing" Cross, the Bomber Command chief, now has control of more than 200 nuclear bombs, of which at least 120 are H-bombs.

HAIR (UNF)

TO SUKE

TO LARS

TRADE SALANCE

UNFAIR

>TW STY

These Agures do NOT include the 60 H- bombs on the 'fher rockets in Eastern England, which are under joint Anglo-U.S, control.

With these Thors and the weapons the US. Air Force stores here for its own use, the nuclear explosive now scattered throughout England has the power of about 20,000 Hiros- hima blasts.

This colossal powder-keg, which will never be used unless the Russians attack first, will be topped up with a further 1,200 potential Hiros hraas when the U.S. Polaris-carrying submarines. arrive in Holy Loch, Scotland.

To deliver its fearful load Bomber Com- mand now has more than 100 operational jet bombers Vulcans and Victors each capable of carrying an H-bomb with the punch of more than 1,005,000 tons of TNT.

At least 80 of them are ready for Immediate action at all times.

Nearly 50 Canberra light bombers capable of carrying a half-sized H-bomb or several alam bomba specially tailored for smaller targets are always ready to go on Britain's runways,

Astonishing

The air chieta have advised the Government that with this independent force even allow- ing for tosses to the Soviet defences the RA.F. could devastate, every Russian city with ▲ population of more than 200,000 and many smaller targela..

It la raled no highly by Uie U.9, defence chiefs that the IL.A.F. has been made responsible tor 80 per cent of the first retaliatory strike

gainst a Communist attack on the West:

The second mass strike by the U.S. Strategic Air Force would not be on target until x hours later,

Most of the RAF- bombe are currently located on airfléids in Britain but EDWI pooni kont.: Alapurned /toy/Utiderground Caresbals

being built for the V-bombers in Cyprus, Singapore, Aden, and East Africa.

This astonishing leap forward in deterrent strength has been made possible by setting up an H-bomb "mass-production" line near Read ing, Berkshire, coupled with the flow of du-lt- yourself materials from the U.S.

About £200 million has been spent on bomb-production alone in the last two years. The total British Investment in nuclear weapons.

more and production facilities ls

than 2400 million.

The R.AF. still holds some American-made bombs for use by the Canberras, but these are being replaced so rapidly that the entire stock. plie is scheduled to be independent" within six months.

The R.A.F. Canberra squadrons assigned to Nato in Germany, to Cyprus, and Malaya will continue to carry US. nuclear bombs.

An additional supply of atomic bombs specially designed for low-level attacks on poris ready for the N.A.39 Buccaneer bombers now being delivered to the Navy for use in alreraft- carriers.

British atom aclontists have devised ways of reworking the nuclear explosive in any of these bombs so that it can be removed and put In new weapons now in the pipeline.

In this way the RAF's H-bombs will gradually be converted into H-warheads for the Blue Steel target-seeking dying bombs when these are supplied to Bomber Command. With Blue Steels ile V-bambers need not got nearer than 200 miles from their targets to attack then.

Influential

Later, it Britain buys the U.S. Skybolt rocket-bomb, which would be fitted with the same British-made warhead, the bombers would be able to attack from a "stand-off" distance of 1,000 miles.

These facts substantiate, the Prime Minister's claim that: the British contribution to the Western dalarrent is not only impressive in its own right, but big enough to give the Govern anent great influence In the Western Alliance.

I disclose them after the most careful security considerations on the principle that the British deterrent will pay for itself only if it prevents wat n

It will do this more assuredly if enormous strength Ja fully appreciated potential' agETEREITE.

by

were

GO TO SPAIN

GO TO

FRANCE

"There is just one' other place you could go to. madam, and any minnie now I abal] til you where it

-(London Express Service.)

GO TO

ITALY

ARKERIDE

Net, Not Polift tha gum 12P)"