1960-05-21 — Page 6

A

THE WAY.

BY. THE

by Beachcomber

PUBLIC relations officer is will be a gay feather in the cap reported to have said: "The of industry. drawback in consulting Dr Strablamus on scientific matters

a plane

Corpse de ballet

She falls dead, and is carried off by her sorrowing attendants,

(Account of ballet).

is that he is so incalculable."

There is a strong rumour that his secret weapon is which, launched vertically from a Polaris submarine. Ales back-

NEVER believe in the death woards to its objective. The only conceivable advantage in such a of anyone in a ballet. It is manoeuvre would be the belief so graceful, so perfectly timed: of an imsophisticated potential nor do I believe in the grief of enemy that the plane was going her lover, whe, apart from an

THE_CHINA.... MAIL, SATURDAY, MAY 21, 1960.

PARKINSON'S SECOND

THE National Health

Service costs, . with pensions included, the staggering sum of more than £1,000 million a year, and even this ex- cludes what the in- dividual has to pay to- wards it.

1 might interest the taxpayer Instead of coming; a tactic most occasional theatrical gesture to know how this money is spent. unlikely to decelve even the denoting disappointment, con-Much of it is spent in hospital" simple head-hunters of N'gambo, tinues to dance and posture administration.

as a defence expert has pointed ouk.

instead of sending for a priest, As for the attendants, they are too Intent on. their Own

The Strabismus Boomerang jugubrious antics to convey any

impression of bereavement.

EANWHILE,

MEAN

there

is

I

revival of interest in the The dreary round, the sage's Boomerang rocket, which

common task would ind accurately

harmlessity on its target,

and

and THE account of a reveller who

then returni to its pad. This might act as a verit able deterrent, since it would require no effort of imagination on the part of the people at the

was thrown out of a public heuse reminded me of a story so old that it will be new to most people under 90. A man was about to enter a tavern target to realise what would when a body hurtled through happen when the boomerang

the door and landed in

the apparatus was removed, and the gutter. A small, sturdy, red- target to realise what would faced fellow olcked himself up. happen when the boomerang and shouted. "I'll show them! apparatus was removed, and the You stay here, sir, and count rocket turned out to be a serious them as I throw them out." weapon instead of an innocuous When the first body was pitched warning.

out, the man said. "One." "Stop counting." sald a voice from the kurb. "it's me again." Bravo, Len!

Planning with a purpose THE LC.C. plan for

a new

town, with a population of 500,000, at and around Chalfont St. Giles is not

ny brilliant

The average hospital is to be visualised as a place where the in-patients lie groaning, unat- tended, in their beds, and where the out-patients walt hopelessly for some notice to be taken of their serious plight.

to

OVERLOADED

LAW-9

Every doctor's

dilemma—no

time for his patients

Other consultants are strug- gling to replace broken equip ment, for which purpose they Whore, it may be asked, are fill in forms in triplicate for the the doctors? What are the nurses hospital secretary, who parses doing? Why are no domestics, the application to the medical

be seen? All alike

are staff committee, which forwards engaged in administration and to the hospital house com- have no time to spare for mere mittee, which lays it-before the patients.

finance and general purpose which

itself committee, reponsible to the hospital man- committee, which Sowers, of course, under the Ragional Board.

The consultants spend their time providing statisties for the fostering structure of committees gement and administrators with which the hospital system is overloaded.

The costings system of even a

Months pass before there is small hospital group involves the

even a reply. When it comes it efforts of a menior administrative will probably take the form of a offer, a higher clerical officer,

to.code number or a query as a general clerical officer and a

remark that equipment for the

BY C. NORTHCOTE PARKINSON

the area nurse-training commit tee, for which there is a separate system of accounting.

NO SAVING

But what are the nurses do-

They ing?

are completely

absorbed in a manual stock taking of shoels, blankets pillow cases and chamber-pots.

from all this attention because. the group-costings system alone absorbs £2,000 a year.

As for the Hospital Board, it has recently acquired a lease of office space, rewired the build- ing recovered the floors and then resold the lease at a sacrifice in order to move into the larger

premises needed for its growing staff.

ORAWING

· Commuultanta imend this time providing

fofterkty structure of committees

authority of the Mother Superior. The purchase and laundering of nurses' caps alone has been said to cust-the country above three-quarters

million pounds a your.

F of

Nor does it and there, because there are also aprons, collars, cuffs and belts-a laundry bill of £850,000 perhaps.

THE WORST...

drivel. The next few months were spent in compiling the, an- swers to Statement, the State- ment on Answer to Staboment, finally the Answer to Statement -on-Auswer to Statement.

The veteran's appeal was up- - held, a pené înter by an impartial court before which the Ministry's case was argued (at the public expense) by a barrister.

Some 40 letters had passed in the course of a year and more were to pass before the arrears were eventually paid.

THE PAY-OUT

advises

BTTHY

the

Delays such as these are made worse when two government de- partments are concerned. When Captain Thomas Alkins is dis- charged from the Army on medical grounds, "the The worst features of the medical board worst hospitals are usually as- Ministry of Pensions, which sociated with the Ministry of appoints another medical board When we come to investigate Pensions, an organisation which to assess the degree of disability. The fact that all these have

This boord merely advises the been already listed in code the activities of the domestic combines the maximum of effort

find that their main with the minimum of result.

Ministry, which in turn murely sheets for the group-costings de- staff, we

ts with the In a recent attempt to reassess advises the Paymaster-General, partment is beside, the point. preoccupation There must still be a stocktaking laundry. The earliest nurses were the disabilities of a war veteran who at last, pays the pension as and a hunt for the missing tray- nuns and the idea has lingered (Le, to reduce his pension by he might have done with the cloth. Patients could die while that their uniform should reflect 20 per cent) the initial docu- greater ease If no Ministry of sisters are counting the bath this early influence. To the ments, in octuplicate, ran to 21 Pensions had ever existed. towels. Nor is there any saving Matron has clung the awful foolserp pages of single-spaced

a-fLendon Express Service).

FROM TWENTY SEARCHING QUESTIONS YOU CAN DISCOVER YOUR REAL ATTITUDE TO YOUR HEALTH ."

you want to win a tiny, machine operator. Other special-remang beses comes under one-wheeled, de luxe pig-ists collect useless statistics, pre- planning. It is one more step towards bringing London to the mikar with a built-in drinking-senting cla' orate charts showing. country, and converting open rough for ferrets and a bacon- "bed through-put," "vacant bed spaces, which some can agricul- slicer attached to the steering day rate" and the "percentage tural land, into suburbs. Though wheel? All you have to do is to bed occupancy." many picturesque villages will answer correctly one question disappear, great care will be asked by the makers. What city! taken to preserve Milton's cot is the capital of Belgium? It tage as a block of offices. The begins with a B. Crawley Buckinghamshire

of

-London Express Service},

A deluge of paper overwhelms

decisions are taken at some the medical staff, for whom all higher level, infinitely removed from reality.

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OW do you feel?

HOW

Do you, at

the sound of the starter's gun, a worry-wart, a fad fan,

each morning shuffle out from your

thicket like a tranquillised panda,

t

your mean-looking, red eyes blink-or healthy and non-anxious?

ing defiantly at the sun?

Or are you strong, stalwart, and firm of tread... as full of health as a purposeful grizzly bear?

Health is how you look at it. Your attitude. The amount you indulge in baseless anxiety and symptom-sorting.

Whether you're the optimist who sees a bottle as half-tull. Or the opposite, who sees it as half-empty.

Whether you're the kind of

by DEE

WELLS

person who views the sands of Health obsessed?

(a) Tell your inquiring friend everything in- oluding the details of the minor operation of a few months back? (b) Say "Fine," forgetting all recent allments?

(c) Say "So 30," or "As good as can be ex-

pected"?

Which of

the following

do you owxO...

Health

time as something gorgeous to neglecting? Or just healthy? build castles with. Or the Answer these questions worrier, who sees them as some- honesty, and find out.

thing running out-taking youth

and health with them.

Which are you?

HCI.

GENE

Which would you rather have:

(a) A guarantee of perfect health all your life, with a peaceful, paini- less death at 90? (b) $50,000?

2 in your medicine cabinet, how many bottles, Joe's, tubes and boxes of medical preparations havS you!

(a) Twelve or more.

(b) Four to eleven.

(c) Three or less,

Some people read up on remedies, and then buy the new, miracle care of the moment.

bought...

Have you ever-

(a) Wheat germ?

(b) Blackstrap molasses?

(e) Medicinal yeast? (d) Pep tablets?

(e) Any of the Royal Jelly

preparations?

(1) Apple cider and honey (to be used together for health purposes)? (g) Any food, regularly, that you actively dis- like but believe to have great nutritive value?

4 Are you a microbe hun-

ter? Would yoLLIAM,

T

(a) Eat, unpeeled," an un- -washed plece of fruit from the shop straight or barrow? (b) Borrow. a. comb7 (e) Use someone else's

face flannel

(d) Accept a drink (in a restaurant) served in a chipped glass or cup?

(e) Eat a piece of bread

hense) that

fallen on the floor?

(a) Sun lamp?

(b) Rowing machine- or some other muscle de- veloper?

(c) Book on frst aid? (d) Calorie

11

(a) More healthy today? (b) Less healthy than

in

the good old days, when they lived more vigorously, closer to nature, and not band- ed together in grimy citles?

Which would worry you

KLĀTĒJ

(a) A sharp increase in the amount of stron-

tium 90 present in milk and food es a re- sult of bomb testa?

NOW FOR YOUR

-RATING-

First, add up your score. 1-5, 6-0. 2010, b=5, c=0.

3. Yes to 2 or more=10 points. One Yer-5 points. No Yeses no score.

4. All Noes: 10 points, 1·00 $ Yese 5 points. Yes to more than 3no score.

5.

5, 6-0, -5.

6. 4 or more 10 points, 2 to 4 5 points, 1 or none no score.

7. α-10, 5-5, c-10, die.

<

8. 2 or more 10 points, 15

points, nome no acore.

9. a 10, 6-5, 0.

10,

0, -10.

IL. a=0; b=10.

(b) A pollo epidemic in 13, 410, b-0.

your Immediate neigh- bourhood?

chart or 12 De you keep pils, no

drops, or the like, in your

favourite diet sheet?

(e) Medical dictionary?"

(1) Weighing scales?

a friend complains of sore throat, baring head and muscular aches, would YOU:

(a) Snap diagnose-

"That's it. You've got it. It's a virus going around. I had it fast week..

(b) Listen

13

parse, pocket, or at work? (a) Yes. (b) No.

In the chemists, are you ever bypronised by the counter fall of remedies, and linger to look them over to see if there is any thing you need?

(a) Yes.

(b) No

Are you

secrely

14. 4—15, b=0.

13. =10, 6=0.

15. a5 b-0.

16, 0-15, 0.

17, 5, 60.

18. 4-10, b, 19, 10, -0. 20. a-15 b=0.

Now, what your marka medu, 180 AND ABOVE: You're ; & worrywytart. A fad fan, and a crank case. You devole far too much precious time to pre- occupation with the state of your interior. If you're really worried about something, DRO worried about contracting your doctor. If he tells

or carvinced that you there's nothing wrong, then step already have cand fussing. If be heart disease, high blood medicine or treatment,

his advice, DON'T follow his pressure, OF SOIDe other his medicine down the sink and frestful disease? (a) Yes. (B) No.

politely

ever and 14 sympathise, but change the subject as 5004 as you can?

(0) Edge away nervously, saying: You had better see a doctor"? (d) Tell him he's a hypo-

chondriac?

Which of the following 15 olding it up your doc

Do you know, without

little rituals do you indulge

in daily or gularly;

at least re-

(a) Weighing yourself?

tor's telephone number?

(a) Yes (b) No.

(b) Contemplating the 16 Do you have any strange,

condition

tongue

of your

(c) Checking your pulset .. (d) Taking at least kind of pill?

one

Almost recovered from, á boat of flu, you are told

by your doctor to stay in

bed "a few days more."

Do 'Jo

(a) Consider he's under- estimated the severity

of your illness, and

unseedendables, recurrent complaint, that no doctor has been able to pin down? (a) Yes,

(b) No.

you

recommenda

pour

buy a quick-sure cure instead

45 TO 35;. You have. your moments perhaps a muscle spasm heart attack now and

again, or a sudden inspiration

to eat roote and berries and get healthier. But generally, you're

healthy, non-anxipts speci men. Of course you may be dying of chronic haemopiixia intaxisabulus, and not ow

It

too

17 Have you made four will healthy. Too likely to lake

(a) Yes,

fb) No

BELOW 65: You're a le camtal, Too ruddy Too

anist of bread, a chunk of cheese, a pair of stout boots and sing Hot for the open road,pin

18 Do you spend the sensthis your own way, you're as big

slay in bed a week 19

more?

Fuss and tume

and

drive your family mad.

but stay in bed another

two days?

(£) Get up and get dressed 20

has left the house?

10 Do you

maxinamn you and afford

sis, tistranon poffelen? (a) Yel

(b) No.

Do you wish you were 10 VORER - YORIZOr," or felt as well as you did thing

(a) YeL

(b) No.

Do. You part

|

bore as the over 100%;

-Landon Kepräss

Chess News

LEGUARD BARBER