1958-01-11 — Page 13

So

To all contemplating (or even just hopefully dreaming of!) changing their husbands or wives in '58...

A Warning about Second Marriages

investigating 2,000

second

CIENTISTS

marriages have announced a discovery which should make everyone thinking of divorce search again his fickle heart.

The discovery, made in America, is this: the worst possible combination for marriage is between divorced based on first- people. Second-marriage happiness

marriage misery is love in a myth.

There

aro

400,000 around marriages a year in Britaku and every year more than 12 per cent publicly break up. No one knows how many thousanda break up in private.

Last year there were 20,000 divorces and 23,000 separation applications, making an ungrand total of nearly 50,000 braken marriages und hraven knows how many broken children.

many

of

by

MERRICK WINN

inved, but few realise It la even

THE CHINA MAIL, SATURDAY, JANUARY 11, 1958.

Amazed I was! Danny Kaye is

His nowbet D-Kayo-is * Britannia to plug Israel Airlines

living a Walter Mitty life

WENT

to Paris,

France, as I usually

do to have my own

peculiar species

hystéria.

o'f

YES-really!

by NANCY SPAIN

F

been allowed to spend Danny gut off the produces his song.

48

MIMO

Khan, Betsy Blair, and A man called Shernoah. -

Danny shouted down the phone: "Everybody dancing, Aly."

In the Bible

and

Me Shemoah said, that all the haps in Yeract (Erlitals, gaps they were as well) hadn't shown little path to the top of a kin that wow mentioned' by“ „Jädigm, and they had looked and it was

trud

Mr Ehembah, sald that Cecil B. DeMillé....

"Walt A minute," I said, studdenly galvanicad. "Da. yoti know what the Ten Comm

press train from the south, Jenny, and all wake loving- I left it completely from Marseilles and Nimes ly from their rest to eny cured because had and Avignon.

thank you while Danny Boy

MIRACULOUSLY, next day it mente are?", Air Shemosh dict weird, There was one of these was lure tire and we bot hours with Danny train, dressed in

Caviar beside were all eating altting shambling, navy blue pád- Intimates Kaye.

Danny, rescuing his friend drinking vedka and eating sour a violently cream and blints.

erted: "Well, very few people ded garments looking exact me, wearing

know the words of the "Star This extraordinary figure ly like the dishevelled dog striped shirt. His

en was Herby Bonas, and he American Hospital, calling him-

And Danny came in from the Spangled Banner, anyway.". (born Kominsky) is (he from outer space, and

used once on a time to self Doctor Kaye of the "Oh I do so!" cried Botry says) only happy when he veloped me in a vast hug.

thanage the Palace Theatre, Palladium Hospital, London, and Blair. often seem to last. Why? Well, in in Israel.

He needs love like somo New York.

warmed

stethoscope by a lasting marriage is no proof of

dangling it down my bosom. In his 45th year ho has people need the sun. My #successful one.

taken on himself the Ex- Hug was evidently satisfac It seems that Danny was Belay Bair drove up on may, in fact, prove the

Mr Shemoth appeared apposite, for there are certainly traordinary Ambassadorship tory to him for he leaped to open there and sent for scooler. peuple who, for neurotic reasons, of Israel. On December 18 in the air, clapped his feet Herby. "I can't stand the and said he wouldn't drink

chartered

a-n d- cried: colour a together, cling to a marriage which would he

In room,' sald he. "That be better ended.

Britannia aircraft of Israeli "Everybody dancing!"

green. And I can't stand And is Dr Z said: "Don't Airlines to help Israel cap tones like a trumpet.

your cigar." forget that although we condone ture divorce now we don't so readily trade.

We condone second divorce. think it looks suspicious, and

It

this may keep at least some second marriages from breaking up."

So there is the problem. asked all three psychiatrists for the solution and from all I got the same answer.

evul

some Transatlantic

Thawing out

HIS hus, it seems, been His war cry ever since

1

of my dressing vodka, thank drink branty.

"Your dressing-room F change," said Herby, "but I'll keep my cigar."

the

you, he would

can

"Sing it then!" cried Diniry, And these twa. stood rose, tip to tip and bellowed their way

"Oh, say, solemnly from

dawiin" early light," down to "The rocket's you see by the

red glare."

"Everybody dancing!" erledi

2

Mr Shemoah was it seemed. Dammy, galloping madly on the

a diplomat: Ho had been Firet Minister to Terael in mang, spot, his two feet by now Wert- many legallons (London, Paris, ing socks only, his snow shoes ne abaloned in the cosy central Rome, Washington) ANKE know everything: all about the heating of the George Cing British Secret Service, and how

Cured one could use the Bible like a Baedekter and everything.

"He is

is following Datiny world I never interrupt," said

the one man in the By now I hesitate to admit

Bxid he Aly

One of the most moving speeches Danny Kaye ever made he made in Israel,

Now Herby has left saying: "I am como among he and his partner, Phil I

you not en a star, not as an Goldfarb, used to work the Palace Theatre, New York,

it) I was not only feeling- U.S. Jewish American, but as a Jew,"

hotels and and

That is because I a little bit Srest, but somewhat Goldfarb got all the laughs, Kaye to the ends of the Danny.

very, very Yet will

as bis business sprak so

slowly," saner than when I Had Stret anyone ever but it wag

sald Mr Shemoah,

When "And also come to Paris, France! a bit unfair earth Forget about unhappy matri- take Danny Kaye serious because "Kominsky might manager:

because I am so dear I cannol Me Kate seized the found the So the American discovery, feet love."

more terrible not to be able to ages. Remember only unhappy 17

bips and whirlod mo", singing, hear you interrupt me. have talent too....." Find out how to help

Darny then people.

"Shall we dance?"" For Is important, true,

them, and Buccessful marriages would

the wanted to speak to that

This mean

startled cry will follow. these marriages perished for an

In short, solve the

porters at the Gare de mystery of the sick mind. illusion.

I was standing on the Lyon, but I was prepared

*Eheniny: Head of Irac Gare de for it.

Tourist Bureau In Genéva. platform of the Lyon at 10.35 p.m. waiting ́ Danny Had

Nys: Nyman Libson, top for the Mistral, the ex Nimes (he pronounces it been in

class accountant.

· Phil: · · Goldfarb, now Nhymes to rhyme with enormous fancy- goods rhymes), to make a

film in U.S.A.

Jenny:". Ginette Selaman, and had got so cold there pircirion of Pierre that he had to come to haute couture king, Paris to thaw out.

It would mean that some, at Jeast, of the husbands and wives now wondering if they would be happier with someone else can stop wondering and make the best of the marriage they have.

Symptoms

Normal

ET us see now what happens in a normal marriage. The uple fall in love and both, of course, imagine they have found their ideal.

This is on illusion, but normai. Dry told me there is really no "ideal" no Mr or Miss Right, because almost any man, con, within limits, marry almost any woman and make a successful To find this marriage. out, I consulted marriage After marriage both husband guidance experts, doctors, and, and wife And the illusion above all, paychiatrists; for collapses but, because they are this is almost wholly a psychomotionally adult, they learn to logical problem.

accept reality.

BUT is it true?

All agreed that the first ques- tion to answer is this, why does marriage break up anyway? Was the marriage just a "mis take?" Pen

perzen?

This is not easy, even

111

happy mortluge. The problem of facing the loss at carly- romance

and necepting life Did the couple "hap with Its hair in curlers is, for

the marry

wrong most couples, tremendous one.

It does happen, but not nearly us often as people like to think. There are almost always deeper reasons and these are not the reasons given in the divorce courts.

So every couple may at Umes tire of each other, even hate each other, even be tempted to be unfaithful. All this is normal so long as they go on coring.

Dr Y told me:

"Sometimes evety a normal marriage can Unfaithfulness, cruelty, and break down at this point, but if the there is also neurotic illness the the rest are hardly ever

causes of unhappy marriage. chances of surviving They are merely symptoms like the spots in measles,

Dr X, psychiatrist at a Lon- don research hospital, told me: "I prefer to speak not of un- happy marriage but of marriage between already people.

Victims

unhappy

lufnitely smaller,"

Searching

ure

CO what about the marriage that 'fails? It falls, usually, becouse the immature man of woman with crippled emotions cannot accept reality, Said Dr Y: "He 1s com- "THEY are usually people who, pelled to go on searching for for reasons we are not yet his dream love, not knowing it sure about, because victims as doesn't exist. When he realises children of emotional disorders he hasn't found it in his wife he which made them, unable to has to seek out another woman,

and sometimes another marri grow up in a normal way.

charming, uge.

be

"They may intelligent, even brillant. But

This in the story of some they are emotional cripples, Hollywood stars, people striving heavily handicapped in most for something they can never aspects of adult life: work, play, ind. There are many thousands like them in Britain too, and friendships, marriago."

they are very pathetic people." They neck the "perfect Yes.

not knowing i

These people cannot help themselves and are to be pitied.

They are lil; victims of neurotie, marriage,"

or so-called "nervous," illness belongs only to fairy tales, They which usually involves severe have not learned that the most we can ask of marriage is to have a satisfying. workcable someone we

suffering.

How many people are like partnership with this? Probably they are to be care for. found in at least 75 per cent of broken marriages and in many unbroken ones.

not

This docs

happiness nicon

necessarily Dr Y

Dr Y, a Harley Street psychia. said: "There are only as many trist, told mo about typical happy marriages as there aro enses of marriage breaking happy people! Very, very low."

And down

added: "Marriage is through "emotional

the sacrifice that two people inadequacy."

Here is one. Jotun H, aged 35, moke in order to have children. and Mary, aged 32, decided to Accept it simply as that and it divorce after nine marriage, because *we Just don't get on any more,"

yeara

A familiar picture, Boredom. Frequent quarrels und great misery. Lost sexual attraction indi at least on

John's part,

works.'

The problem

No much for first marriages. 1st love, Both were sad about ▷ Aro sbobid marriages, after

I both felt nothing could be first-marriage falltire, any hap- clone.

plor? All threw psychiatrists [

But why did love diet consulted agreed that the Because, in John's case, it was answer is usually No. never love. His was a childish Dr Z, paychiatrist at another Karin of love; a dream love that London hospital, told 'ma: "Oƒ nover grow up.

course, we all idow of success“ This incapacity for adult ful second Juarriages, and no -loving is one of the most pali- doubt there are plenty of them. ful and crippling features of But I am sure they are in the

minority." neurotiy lines.

Dr Y to moi "Most people All the same, second miaES know it's terrible - not to be ringos, even imuratio:

We could do it, but will we? Probably nel. For we have not yet solved the biggest problem of all: why we humans find it so much easier to buffer.

Look at the way I first met him.

A commentary by

Cummings

THE TROUBLE WITH MARRIAGE IS THAT WOMEN HAVE TO MARRY MEN

PRAY HEL

H BOMBS OVERHEAD LEARNIA PADESH.S IN CHARCE

RADIOACTIVITY LEVEL RISE F

Hears

TRUGIAN

MISSILES FO

At breakfast they're never cheerful, witty or gay.

At the week-end they wear

out chairs pad carpets.

OVERDRRET

2425

They indulge in monross of distraction - doubtless thinking about pretty girls

at the office.

Thom'' they return" from Shin' oftión" They expect: 10

They grumble when ugly machines are pat takiefully out of sight.

They make absurd com plaints when the floors are"

Dolished

Like schoolboys, they'can't keep, their eyes off snow model; when their old qtte tism scarcely, dome 100.000 miling.

Cummings

In tact--they'ro ad¦înturiais; Ing... shạt - that only, mère lafurialing thững "wegia i If they enddenly vanished

from the cart

&

Under the blue padded overcoat, he wore grey suede zipper dekat, grey woollen shirt, terrible white woollen underdrawers; and (I think) two pairs of trousers. He also sported i a pair of special snow shoes and 21 moustache which we all hate.

"It's terrible for garlic," he said. "If I eat garlic and it getar in this moustache it stays for days and I'm nearly suffocated.

I asked him how he was getting on as a character Botor. "Dead easy," he said, "except I wear myself: out trying to stay still. I use up as much energy keeping myself stationary as I used to flying around the stage."

Tokyo..

WE all withdrew to The Hótel George Cinq the Fifth, as Daniry calls!

It.

Basic insecurity and hor- ror' then seemned to enter him, for he sat huddled, like a strange, shapeless, lovable bundle of clothes in a big armchair

In an effort, I felt, to establish his identity, he picked up the telephone,

air told it who he was, asked, suddenly power drunk, for Tokyo, Geneva, and St John's Wood.

"Huh," he suddenly snarled at me, "you crazy broad. So you think you're eccentric, do you, in your sweater and trou- Bors?"

WORG

I had begun to see that I was just learning about eccentricity.

We about to enter an advanced stage of the D.Ks.'

It was by now 2.a.m.

It seems that there are, many Intimate friends of D.K. scattered all-over the world, esger and willing to hear him ange them a Hobrow lova son at. 2. a.m

1

Danny was open-mouthed,

"You'

sald

Listen to

broad," crazy Danny, patting me on the ice "Shall we dance? him talk. Isn't he wonderful?"

Mr Shemoah was saying that business in the Bible there was mention of a copper mine right near a property that the Israeli Govern, Batisaln. ment had given Danny, and they had looked and it was true,

own.

.

It was al that point that I tore my away........and went back to my own hotel and had a bath and fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

I did not even stir af eight o'clock the following morning when Danny“, Kayb po doubt arrived on the set at Ninión crying "Everybody dancing."

I was cured..

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