1957-12-30 — Page 4

Room At The Top

For Mr. Small

THAT are those pencil marks, those notches made by Red Injun talk? No. Merely the tracce left by proud parente measuring the height of their growing sona and daughtera.

THE CHINA MAIL, MONDAY, DECEMBER 30, 1957,

THE PERILS OF THE PLATFORM BY ONE WHO HAS FACED THEME

N the past year I have orated at 22 public meetings, spoken in 14 debates, opened seven bazaars and a baby show. And I delivered my wife one lecture on the need to cut down the household bills. All this vocal exercise went with a swing and ended with a vote of thanks to the speaker-except the lecture to my wife. For that I apologised the next day.

The national consciousness potential Is directly related to

In all I reckon myself a about stature is an intense as hereditary factors as Mrs Cook fair hand at public speak- it is about weight. Indeed, it suggested. Just as we inherit you've never stood back to back blue ar brown eyer we also ing, yet, modest always, I' with a brother, cousin, or friend, inherit "a growing centre." am still ready to learn. consider yourself a phenomenon. This centre is located just beluw

the brala and is called the So I have just read, with pituitary Klap. It

manufacgreat care and attention, a tures among other things. 4 growth hormone,

It varies

Ten-year-old Tommy Cook was no phenomenon, HE was on the short side, that is all. But Mrs Cook Was worried.

Experimentally this hormone has been injected into young rats and, as a result, they have Krowa startlingly.

"I'd rather he became iL Of course nutrition, too, has Guardaman than a juckey," she its part to play. That's why the sald. "Everything seems to be children of 1957 are a bigger lot Moing up nowadays except than thelr Victorian counter- Tominy.

A chik's rate of growth varles from year to your. In fact, young Tommy was due for a Hise. Boys, like girls, suddenly shout upwards when they reuch 11-pi.

"Yes," Mrs Cook nodded, "my

husband

called

parts.

"When Tommy was a tot," sub Mrs Cooks, he wasn't bit small for his age."

"No need to worry then," natd.

Compensations

Pint A girl just when has already

All in a doctor's

Hall Cook

day: by

CEDRIC

CARNE

a bar peoplu

over two years

book by Mr Dale Carnegie of the United States which set out to tell me How to Influence People by Public Speaking.

But Mr Carnegic, who has become famous and rich through teaching people how to influence_people, has let me down. For he does not tell me what I need to "know. Speeches I can make by the dozen. People even try to influence me not to make speeches.

reached half her he was Tom- oduit height Iz the sunic my's age. way a boy just wonder three will Now

ro double his stature by the he's sitting time he reaches maturity. down behind

when

In

ony car?,

STRIKE BACK

WHAT I want to learn is how to keep out of trouble before, during and after making speeches.

The first thing a public ot shortness think he's stature has its compensations, speaker needs to be taught to deal with the Those standing up."

below average height is how

W!

their

campanions. an

The day

a BULL

HARE

AUX

•Martur

broke up my meeting

SUITABIBORII by admauumuskamm38 681842140007001801007681182183713

WILFRED FIENBURGH

23:10M.P.4

Chitren nowadays are taller often become mentally mature chairman of a meeting who he dashed out and just than their parents or their before

Effel-towering starts by saying: "You made it to the pub before This helps to give grandparents

to listen to the front door was locked. equivalent agt. Strangely, them such a start in the world haven't come

six-fonter never me so I will be brief," and though, the average adult height that many

overtakes them. $24- of Englishmen har hardly

then talks solid for an hour JUST PRETEND last creased at all over the

and five minutes. century.

"This is because boys fre- ly the quently, crase to grow tline they are 19. whereas their grandads still had to take a different size in clothes up to the age of 25," I explained.

Also, modern giris generally stop growing at 17, whereas those luscious beauties in busties faded photographs, continued skyward until they were old women of 21.

In

"This may explain why many leaders of men are on the short aide." I said,

There's always room at the

a set of notes prepared for

Don't ask him to explain. It won't help,

On the polat I am prepared to wille book myself. I will give lessons on how to deal with the questioner who reads Quotation from a speech you

П

made last week which says the

this weck.

that exact opposite to the speech you

like "Shut up monster bonce." and we are both sattsile honours are even on a high level of wit and repartee.

But how does one deal with Wie quiet heckler who is so very, very clever? There was once an

round came

Lo

ure making

This happens 10 every

politician, polities bring what they are these days.

When he has fluished you say quietly.

"Now read the next bit."

TRIUMPHANT

F

he

To strike back at this sort ANOTHER important fac- MP who spent all day und of chairman I can only

tor in the education of night in Parliament working out

awkward questions to put recommend the examples of the public speaker is to Ministers at Question Time. He when he was proud of his prowess, 50 top for short people. Remember the distinguished politician learn what to do

hia Nelson and Napolcon. Think of who sat and fidgeted while gets

engagements much so that when the General dim stars like Alan Ladd and the chairman droned on, mixed, and rises to address Election Alex James and Tommy Harm-when it was five minutes to Sewing League armed with James Cagouy, Footballers like and on, and on. Finally, the East Cheam Women's announced, half-way through a

speech: er. Think: would Winston Churchil or Gandhi have been closing time, the chairman the men they were if they didn't said: "I will now call upon have the dynamian that goes our distinguished speaker

an ignorant it---- enta want their children tall. to give his address." Sone to be six-footers, girls to

And the distinguished

Somehow a speech written for M.P. you must be," somebody be the height of models.

speaker stood up and said: old soldiers seldom (I have never murmured, and if anyone

Dn how to Every child is born with a But as a doctor 1 don't un-"My address is 64, Albion understood why) arouses much give kustruction

rapture delivered beforo

answer that he ought to write Potential height. And this derstand this craze.

Then female audience. So nothing is mewa, London, E.2."

a book and I will sell it on to be gained by sticking to the commission to every other M.P. script. All you can do is to pretend that your old wounds

wo sce

"Tall parents can still expect their children to grow tall, though?" Mrs Cook asked.

with shorter people? Yet par-

The evidence is most conclusive !

NT APPOINTMENT

"And what is more, since you (male sent me to Parliament I have, the annual dinner

asited 3,229 questions!" only) of the West Surrey

"What British Legion.

D

are troubling you, turn sickly green, and hope that you will not be seriously Injured by their attempts to revive you.

None of the books on public speaking with which I schooled myself for poll- tical to prepared me for what actually does happen.

Hints are needed, for example how to lecture on the economic consequences of duelu- ntions of Bank rate standing on

מס

the roof of a car in Pembroke, shire while the audience is being mildly distracted by a bull which has escaped from the slaughter- house. This is the sort of thing that happens.

It happened to

TO HER MAJESTY QUEEN ELIZABETH ZI GIN DISTILLERS BROTH'S DISTILLERIES, LTO.

me.

HIGH LEVEL

can

DOUBLE TURN

I

finger at him. "Sec," you cry.

"the next bit is the really im- ALAS! DEFEAT portant bit. How dare he twis! ENDED

my words."

But if the worst happens and read the next bli, you say: "Read on."

He reads on. Then you say: "You haven't come to it yet. Keep reading."

on a hole of high- moral fervour with a fine · piece about the fellowship of man and international peace and good will,

Then I asked for questions *Sir," sald a nice little man with a bowler hat and spats. know this? And after 10 minutes of this "Does the speaker he is hoarce, the audience is Tha; if he doesn't nip smartish bewildered.

and you are into the King's Arms he'll go triumphant.

home thirsty because his sup- It is easy. But it is safer by porters have nearly drunk it far not to let anybody ask any dry?" questions. This I learned one You see how it is. Theng id

Sunday after I had spoken for really only one piece of odvice

an

hour at A funch-time meeting In the open air pai- pub called the King's

he has not got the next side bl, you point an aecusing Arms.

The

WAITED

to give to public speakers.

Don't bother. That's all, Don't bother, because, in tho cnd, You cannot win,.

poacher's wife

had them fooled

on the edge of a deep quarry in the hills, poacher. The barrel is short so looking down over the feathery tops of larches, self- ibat i could easily be hidden

and as he was never caught seeded and grown tall in the years since the working had with it, it was never confiscated been abandoned.

by the law.

My

companion was in the bottom, struggling through a

AM still waiting to be told rich tangle of bramble and

what a speaker ought to do making plenty of noise."

when he turns over two pages "Mark right!" he suddenly

by Thurlow Craig

of his notes at the same time.yelled and I thrilled as a gaudy although he never caught us— I have heard people say things like:-

"We will never be able to 100 ourselves in the face and call ourselves honest men until wo

cock pheasant rocketed loudly was more fun then legitimate up through the trees. As It shooting, levelled off and gained spoed my gun banged and down it went.

But there are poachers, mechanised, subsidised and I walked round to the other highly organized, who make a profitable business of the achieve" (turn over Pave), "side and presently up camo slaughter of deer and other great increase in the amount of another. BANG! Down it went. game, together with the cattle cake imported cnnually." As two were all we wrated I dynamiting of salmon pools for

dealers. They

should be prosecuted without pity.

to Somehow this sort of state-met my companion on the road wholesaling

not ring true, one where my motor cycle was ment does feels at the time. But my tech-parked.

We left for home, unseen by nique is to carry on as though

who mattered, One I meant every last syllable. Half anyone

bird was sneaked into the larder the audience will not have where it would not be nolleed

will noticed. The other half

among all blame themselves for not having Vernon. my companion, hid his

night.

the other

game:

For we had been poaching on sure my uncle's land, but let

WITHIN seconds I was alone size of things nowadays all until he should go home that

In the square with the bull four of them will accept it, And the man who yelled out, "Keep talking, mister, and you'll Finally you have him asleep in no time," that someone will come along be no doubt: those nefarious was not, I lett, really interested after In politics.

can

be

meeting and the was very impressed that bit in the middle."

זיי

there

On the other hard there poachers that

I am happy

to call friend.

They poach in

a sporting waY with red

or

gun, hardly

unscrupulous

say: expeditions took place long ago. by Today neither he nor I would

indulge in such shenanigans ever for monetary gain, but although We sometimes talk often to help feed a large and

And I am still looking for the

"Which bit?" you ask. book which will leach me how to deal with hecklers. I can cope "The bit about eattle cake," with the man who simply shouts he will reply, "Most significant out, "Big "ead," in mid-sentence, that, especially with the price

a smart qulp, of cat what it is." I just whip out

about them nostalgically over a struggling family. plat

There is

The old reprobate used to appear before the benks two or three times a your on poaching charges.

But it didn't matter whore ho Wos arrested,, tho gun WAS never anywhere around.

How was it worked? Well, later in the day, sometimes whllo the Inquisition wea actually sitting on the malefae- tor and his ill-gained booty, his wife would dodder forth in her old black dress to gather a few sticks for kindling.

If anyone noticed her peering and feeling down rabbit-holes or

into the thickest brush, well.. she had a reputation that would burned at the

•have got her stake 300 years ago.

for

She was, they thought, probably searching for some Ingredient of a deadly brow to put a spell on the presiding magistrate's best cow, or herbs to make a love-polion for some moon-eyed milkmaid.

But presently she would find what she was after. She would fake the gun from its hiding- place, break it down, and put it in the bottom of her sack of alleks. Then she would dodder off home again,

But rheumatism put a stop to a very old gun in all that, and, the Hille gun was That poaching sometimes our family that belonged not given to me. Its poaching days with our own keeper after us, long ago

well-known are over. It is strictly legal now.

to

4

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