adver tisements in America invite the tourist to our abort ́t where, they say, he will meet "fascina- ting and genial people, even in railway compart- ments.
BRITISH
In case the prospec tive tourist may be t little mystified by the mapy branda #l fascinating and genial, people ** to be found over here the illustration Gelt) of a typical British seen" is numbered with refer- oncer to help the visitor to recognise Just how fascinating and genial we really BIO
* ★
Nos. 1, 2, 3, 4, and are the fascinating and gezial people with whom he has Just spent a long. uniuscinating train Journey in ley allence.
No. 6. Will help the visitor to appreciate that the British Are inclined to bo somewhat "doggle and. contrary to popular belief, drive on the same alde of the road as they do in the States.
No. 7. That we are niso very fond of DURKY.
No, 8. This fascinating, genia gentleman should be treated with A cortain Rebollit of caution. He in liable to guide you on your way with the ungai * keep-traight-uh-you-can't-mİRS
and set you back t dottare,
IL
No. 点。 Oldest indubitart
Don't be fascinated by the type
The
Many cost. He'll put the bite on you for the lot.
★
★
No, 10. Landlord of Ye Old Hospitable British Ian, Try wsking him for beer on ice onð be fascinated by his warm reply. No. 11. Avoid this one more Than the oldest inhabitam. He's
HOLIDAY COMPANIONS
CUMMINGS WOULD
EFER NOT TO TRAVEL WITH
COSTUME
COLLECTOR "Yessir I've
Come
all the way front Texus via Scotland, France and Qer
muny."
THE CUTTING.
IT-FINE
told
YOU
time
in watch the
train."
"There, darling! 1 Jad
THE ABSENT-MINDED
" all right everybody-the. passports were in my troșiers pocket after, oli!”
THE ALARMIST "...The lauding
wituela mouldn't
come
down Cand.
Then the -sagine "failed":
THE CHINA MAIL, SATURDAY; MAY 4, 1957.
the equivalent to the Eastern gentleman who trades rude post- cards, only he plugs you will endless unfunny stories about au Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman, and carries wade of unfascinating poema scrawled on the backs of geimy envelopes.
No. 12. Known to the ALIYEN as the "Bar Parlour,“ You're
In luck. It's but except on Sundays.
and
No. 13. Fascinating genial railway porter saying 11 about tolm he were going back an he believes he ilew bear o
lagy teal acustin.
Na, 14. One of your country- en in the service has Hell Jussed this way.
|UGHT, DARK ALES||
No. 15.
scinating and genlat arm of the law.
No, 16. Notice telling you that all future train are either Cancelled or going be late.
No, 17. Poster telling you to spend your holiday in the States, No. 18. Poster telling you how to emigrate.
No. 19. Well, if you like ve
Inscinating "Dainty Tous,"
No. 20. You're in luck again. They're plosed for lunch.
Good Day... Dydd Da... Guid Mornin'... Top Mornin'...
o' the
GILES
I'LL NEVER FORGET IT
-THIS CRAZY JOURNEY
I'VE JUST FINISHED
H dirty
OME is the sailor-3,500
dishes, 7,650 square yards of polished panelling, and a twitchy trip through the Suez Canal with Nasser's pilots between me and Aden.
I signed on as saloon boy aboard a 7,000-ton Freighter in Aden and was the first reporter to sail through the Suez Canal since it was opened.
re-
Nasser's jumpy pilots took my ship through in 12 hours,
but it has taken me 64 days
to
ASATURDAY
“Travel Club---
BY THE MEN WHO REALLY GO ANYWHERE. DO ANYTHING"
E SE - SHE HAS BEES HET EN 2 REDDÉ
DONALD WISE has just finished the most bizarre journey of his career.
a voyage with
what must be one of the toughest groups of men afloat
in a trice with my
own
reach London from died in ambushes laid by the vacuum- cleaner nail Nairobi, where T'started. ship's cat.
varnish treatment.
Never wuste
I went to my bunk early,
-
play reveilla with a bite in
and if the monkey did not
Shelltox
get them in the air,
the answers to insect pests
in your home
Shell
get them on the ground
Cockroach Killer
HARRY ODELL SAYS:
"MY FAN MAIL IS GROWING
WITH YET ANOTHER APPRECIATION"
Lr, Barry Dial, International Filma ita.. 107 Holland Banas, Urug Kong.
Dear Mr. D#1},
1 bark been wanting ta command you Ấp black and white evar sique my return from the Bistro for your laudabin undertaking as an impressže to bring over þure artists of the internationally kighest onlibre, as many of tăbu I had heart hežere when I was shrend und will never got tired of heavằng hàng. Wish your etturia, Beng Zang will vertainly have a dearth for musže,” Al- shough I had returned but a short period of time, but all thoro I have met told me that you are the piousve in bringing firul rate artista beru.
i um epposially grateful and appreslativu of your anderia ter sho enlightening offsite an ay yepíku, as I strongly believe that a recurést performance van never be ampered to a Live .
Miso Sunnann Chen, one of bợ Canh pupila and for viou year sincertu kad kolped a great deal, in going to bolt a Paruunii Veral Braisal before going te kome to further her studies. All the Particulars are on the sinkusa anakmuri,
I will be more than pleased if you and Kro. Odell vill honour so with your presence at her Furevol2^ Realðal ¿
With nợ borð víahmå for your laudable werk.
Aincerely yours.
Theodore mang
Theodore Zhang.
AND NOW IN ASSOCIATION WITH
the ear it was the bewitch- THE AMERICAN NATIONAL THEATRE & ACADEMY furniture ing scream of the rust-drill
That adds up to one Our giant captain rode month chugging about hard on the bearded, mut polish.. You сан drink on the iron deck. Aden's steamy harbour try- tering crew.
ing to persuade unsym- pathetic ships' masters to take me aboard and 34 days as a 9x. 4d.-a-day crew.
man,
A RIOT
I the
THAT.
NO WASTE
To me they were the Haul me up a shark and friendliest cut-throats I ever I will cut it into 50 pieces wish to meet. To port au- and never be surprisexl
I pieces
complain when the jump DID
male's wife an hour after clothes pegs and my jeans blew pinched my
Into the sea? Not on your life, but she will have to swim back
thorities of the world they when the were a nightmare, leaving about half behind sobbing women, wards. broken heads and
most
the
promised I would not.
I PROUDLY PRESENT
ONE OF THE WORLD'S LEADING TENORS
RICHARD
AT THE
TUCKER
EMPIRE THEATRE TUESDAY, 21st MAY & THURSDAY, 23rd MAY DIFFERENT PROGRAMMES
the greatest friend you could Book at INTERNATIONAL FILMS, LTD. Short of money? Think wish for-we British interned
107, Holland House, Tels, 21832 & 31488, ;
of their pay in the local Want a trip ashore when to the Gulf of Akaba for her magistrate's cashbox.
shore have la banned? Ask pedal-pushers, ship had
not The goose
on the poop for dental treatment, 'The I would like to tell you the broken down. I would above the crew's quarters doctor can come alongsitio rame of this friendliest ship and still be at sen. It was hard made the mistake of honk- but
dentist cannot master. For obvious reasons I enough to get on board, but ing during a Sunday siesta hump his chair up the lad 1 managed it because the and was promptly beheaded der.
But If you meet him you have crew rioted in Ader and by a furious motorman with casualties wore flown home
a carving knife. to northern Europe.
An officer, enraged when towels
of all those nice new fluffy Him during the war,
in the steward's Once aboard I had to wait a Nasser-pilot could
up- linert store you can bar. for the first British port of parently do nothing to help ter. call. No one else would let the skipper atop his ship me land. Gibraltar'a rock yawing except tell his soared out of the gloom at prayer beads, leaped to the the right moment.
bridge threatening to throw bim overboard.
The dear old oil-burning rust-bucket that I disgraced with my white-jacketed hamhandedness should have been melted down into park
years ago.
NO NAMES
railings or boot-scrapers JUNGLE Jim, the captain,
picked
up what he thought was a large brawl- ing man in a bar, heaved and him into the gutter discovered that the body broke into two small men. "A stowaway," he ̈ roared delightedly.
It has wallowed the world's waves for most of the century.
AMBUSH
I learned to be a fast man with a packet of soap- TRON ore -- heaviest pos flakes and a set of dishes. sible cargo and filling And don't think I don't less than half the hold know that an open porthole space -- honved and twist- cuts out drying.
ed: the old barg so wildly Give me n' pañolled sulooù that the rate tools fright and and," I'll' havo ́it a-gleam
POCKET CARTOON
by OSBERT LANCASTER
"For 'heaven's sake, Willy, ktop being soʻnalve pnd don't
should have sent it by Pan American
ERCARGO
siyou're maz an 'Américan f
go on whining about gratitude
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