1956-05-30 — Page 1

THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY, MAY 30, 1956.

NATHANIEL GUBBINS

S I was the first to Cubbins, Let's look at the news

introduce automation and get your little job done."

"There's a beautiful

Joy "

model

into journalism, called Yolande

said readers may be interested Albert, "who told an FTV to learn that my protege audience that she wanted to get Albert, the robot columnist, married but nobody had asked is now proprietor and editorer, What are your reactions to

that?"

of his own picture magazine "New angle on publicity." 1, called Cheesecake.

For those who don't know, it must be explained that cheese- cake is a lerm for published photographs ons in bikinis and bathing costumes,

When Albert clunked into my room with copies of the mag

his metal art zine under

could see the difference in him.

He was no longer the student columnist but the brisk, efficient

own publication. owner of bis

sharply:

"Gouri Gubbins. Finished

He said murning.

your work yet?

I said: "No, Albert,"

it

He said: "Disgraceful. Under luke. wouldn't automation more than a couple of minutes.** I asked: "Do you want me to write for your Albert?"

Be mid: Certainly

I

don't have writers Hi Chees... of girls, coke. Just pictures girls and more girls."

usked: "Who re your readers?!

said.

"Wrong approach. Too cyni

"Thinks as cal" said Albert. cheesecake, Yolande Joy has the

bry already had 100 proposals

mat. But she finds them oli uninspiring. She told a reporter she would have liked a bit of retry, Carry on from there."

1 I remember rightly," said. "writing poorna to girls is

more in your

"All right," sald Alberi.” Here

Yolande Joy, Yolande Joy, My magazine Cheesecake will

find you a boy! We'll find you a steady or

caveman brute

If we publish your picture in

a bathing suit We'll pose you

with your measurements, too. Thirty-three. thirty-one, and

thirty-two;

right

Though if you'd rather be like

Miss Dors

13

זי

We'll make one measurement

forty-f "Steady. Albert," I said, won't have Miss Dors insulted." Albert in tears REFORE the cocky robot could D and anything more in the papers I deflated him by read- "Call them what ing aloud the headline:

ROBOTS

ARE NOT SO

He answered: "Sex tonniues," I said: "Mixed-up kids would e a politer term."

be

Ho nic: you like."

I said: "There are not enough (LEVER. mixed-up kids in the country

1

Who srid that?" asked

to make Cheesecake a success." Alberi.

He said: Rubbish, Ever read Freud?"

I said: "No."

He said: "You ought in keep was the cer.tenary

last weck.

in touch. It of his birth reading Freud you'd know country's full of manises. world's full of manines. Cheese coke will sweep the country. will sweep the world."

Poem for Joy

Ho

"The Earl of Halsbury. ald. try wishing a robot 'Bon jour. Although a men with a smattering of French, would translate

H immediately into Good morning' it would take o rubut

long a

time to do simple thing like that."

"never claimed

a

to

French,"

sold Albert,

speak

and 10

costumes French. rubots

to

After

the "Even

the proprietor The editor of Cheesecake ought have some education."

"Girls in bathing

all languages, speak German, even Chinese."

Lord Halsbury sald

THEN tre picked up my news

papers, ran his glowing eyes over them and snid: "Wake up,

have no brains,

"You don't need brains edit Cheesecake," mild Albert.

ЗА

Very Fine Cognac

MARTELL

CORDON BLEU

THREE &TAR

also

VIOP

and

Obtainable Everywhere

EXTRA

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"He also said they think."

couldn't

his metal head Albert hung over the table and I was aston- Ished to see olly tears trickling down his steel cheeks.

I said: "Don't like it so badly Albest I'm sure you're very clover."

He straightened up and gave a thije whirring groan,

"Did I ever tell you about the rust in my back?" he asked.

I told him no, but I often had lumbago. I probably felt the same and was sometimes caused by casting clouts before May was out.

"I have no clouts to eest," sald Albert. "but I spent the whole winter in a shed, And the cold and damp got Joints

into my

I said: "Poor Albert." Ile said: "Have

you got

lumbago now?1

I said yes, and he asked what

I did about it. I told him win- into fergreen ointment rubbed the affected pant was a good

when thing, but

he asked for the same treatment I had to tell him that vintment would be no use on bolts and rivets, So I offered to take him to a gar- oge where we could buy some engine oil.

At this he became mora cheerful and began making new plans for his magazine.

He asked: "How can I prove that I have brains and sell Cheesecake to cultured people?"

I said: "You could try Jour- nalism.

He said: "I could print a I knew column of Hittle Joices. lots of title Jokes, Shall I tell you one?"

I said I didn't like little Jokes, even clean ores,

He sold: "But 1 must tell you this about

the

commercint traveller. I'll whisper it. Sho maid pass zZZ PRES ZHZS and the

Bald commercial traveller

zzz

EDEN IN

TROUBLE

GAITSKELL BLUNDERS ON

"Can't think what's come over the young, generation these days, Winston."

We should hold firm over Cyprus.

•

now

Cummings

London Express Service

more than ever

IN ATHENS, THERE ARE

SIGNS OF DESPERATION

10 come back from

T

Athens where.

everything British

security

By DONALD EDGAR

In

information

They

The fanatics may, stage some desperato coups but in the long run they will not help, are more likely to have the opposite effect-at disgusting ordinary people.

Brilish could be fairly And on the mainland it has the is guarded by armed of the extremists to pull down

thrown their supporters into easily prised out, la beginning find armed the present Greek Government

like police -- and

pante. They 16 realise this is not a game- and to involve the Greek royal something British family police

guarding

realise we are getting excellent for either side, even more deeply Ministers, well, it makes Enosis. you even more fed up with

Our

meatures have of Greek handful the

Cyprus to their now spread from paz passiz. Heh, het heh, heh. Cypriot thugs and

the whole of the Eastern Medi

our securlly That should bring in the read-Greek friends.

terranean. And ers, shouldn't it?

But there is good reason men as they settle down and to believe that the London get to work are having con

siderable success in denying to threat is just Eoka both men and materials. terrorist another sign of the Eoka desperation. At any rate, that is what I think after my trip.

I said: "If you publish that

it will probably bring in the police.'

As Albert's tin tongue was in his rectangular rating mouth I asked him if he would like a drink before 1 took him to the garage to have his back oiled.

"Let's go," he said. rising allfly.

Se together, squeaking, groger- ing and supporting each other, we clunked along to the low lavern for a double Scotch,

A

(WORLD COPYRIGHT)

For things are not going well with Colonel Grivos and his terrorists on Cyprus. And lo Greece they know it.

That is the reason for their increased hysteria, the attempts

SECRET

IT is, of course, secret work. But

1 can say that there have been swift interceptions at sea recently and discoveries in Cypriot ports which have upset the whole supply system of the terrorists,

THE MAN WITH THE

HABIT

as

OF

WINNING

........NOW CAN HE WIN WITH HARRIMAN?

Governor

Our

him

New York New York State, and the Demo- He is effective on a platform. His elocutico and voice control FANCIED. outsider crats in New York City.

Again allied with the Iberals, have so much Improved that to win the nomination he elected. pls friend, Democrat people say he has been taking Democratic Can- Averell Harriman, Governor of lessons. "No. Just practice," says didate in the USA presiden- the state. That made De Sapio De Sapio. tial election this autumn is the outstanding politician b Look at his photographs, say

his enemies. He does photograph- the Governor of New York New York

Note politician. To a Briton, as the aplame of the sinister. State, Averell Harriman.

politics in dociding on a pro- For one thing, an eye disease gramme, advocating it, imple- forces Last week

10 wear iated menting it. In America that is spectacles. Harriman formally

called statesmanship. Politics is In the flesh he has a really nounced that he was at a round of little personal favours fine face, a little puffy about the active candidate. Even be culminating in, the right vols at Jaw. The is Oft. lin. tall: weighs fore this statement, his election time.

14 stone noturut Except when it

ascatie. His He looks a may affect candidacy was being pushed

is

long, alternately unofficially by a powerful votes, politics is not concerned thinning hair

polley. Politics is manage pure sliver and jet black. His political organisation, the ment 1 am in politles, nys followers call him "The Bishop."

He is Democratic Committee for Do Sapio, "because I like help- is perfectly well-bred; he has great charm and unobtrusive New York County, common- ing people."

good manners, He works in shirt ly known as, Tammany Hall.

sleeves (braces, thirt, collar sad In former days this would

tlo all match) with fet have availed Governor Harriman

propelled staff. But he himself Htte. Within living memory no

loses pencils knocks over the Tammany candidate has escured

telephone. the presidential nomination, let Falone been elected.

In the last few years however, ** notoriously Tammany, once

i'

By:

NICHOLAS

PHIPPS

The work takes patience, It But it is tre- takes money. mendously worthwhile, Eolon is existing on very slim supplies. disaster for them, then Cyprus Every Interception is a major Is pacified this part of our work will make a romantic story.

Tto background: small bars, luxury hotels of Greek cities where elegant men gossip in French and English with beauti- ful women.

Among the ruling classes in Athens there was an unfortu» nate illusion that the natural love of Grecce felt by the classes would English upper help to get them Cyprus

The Greeks were willing to think that because we may Homer or admired

The work goes on in expen- have read sive night clubs where the the Parthenon, we are going to dancing girls as usual are abandon our positions, either English or German

It goes on in little ports, all pink and green, blizing in the sund-in smoky sailors' cafes. where the our and local brand, fowa. And on board tramps and swift calques calling the Levantine shores.

OPTIMISTIC

the Greek Cypriòt Church in Greece. There is the Cyprus Brotherhood. There is the, Pan Hellenic Committee for the Liberation of Cyprus.

There is the Union of Greek' Cypriot Studenta.lione who are studying in/Athens. There

Working for Enosis.

the Union of Greek Students

In those groups there are the usual mixtures that you get in revolutionary bodies generally-

for power ambitious young Idealists led by men.

Influence.

There

ark

undoubtedly

enough tough men, lough fanatical men, left to terrorist work emciently and of course, the assignment may not be In Cyprus hangings

But the Karaclides and Demetriou

undoubtedly effectively cut down serious terrorist work by students.

Before we had hanged any body, a young mans asiced toʻ although, the situation is fame, anden meters confused at the moment, t fame, an amnesty, when The Greeks inevitable freedom errived. But am an optimist.

change overnight-stone now the parents of these young In Greece the finalics are you one

day, cheer you the men are clamping down on their becoming sofnatical that next, And I believe that they sons activities..

Prison, prestige, with freedom they are already overplaying may soon change just like that

round the comër, lë one thing. their hand.

about the British and Cyprus.

Death is another. And that, unfortunately, is what had to

Moderate opinion which wai willing to support the Cyprus issule so long as it, thought

POCKET CARTOON by OSBERT LANCASTER.

УЯ ТИМ

70 1209.

"Fortunately for un, Miss Filebrace, in our Service thé, continuing need for the per sonal touch renders the bes troductions of automation well-nigh imposible.”

It is just a question of firm neas and nonchalance in Athens, be taught. which our ambassador, Sir Charles, Peake, and his staff aro certainly showing, and increas ing pressure in Cyprus.

So long as the Greeks feel.

BE FIRM

we are getting on top of the A4 footnote just to show problem-so their

respect for us will increase,

what a mercurial and emotional people the Greeks The sort of thing that helps are: when I was last in Athens Archbishop Makarios: had just nearably. has been

been: departed....... Everybody discovery of an nema cache in talked about him-morning, bochiver in Cyprus the Grecks non, and night, know that means only one

the

That we know where to

This time I can't remember. means that our anybody, referring to him.

ore getting infor- Simply because he is a jung mation Which means that way away and the story

3.

Eoka Intimidation of the Greek new: Cypriols is weakening.

The Athonians are much what But all the work our men are they were in, cinssical times. doing in Cyprus, in Grecée, and eager for the latest bit of noy's in the area also depends on and gossip, "clever business men.

eyes on the main publie

opinion. When Lord. "Attlee makes

easily excited; easily etatement-as

acts. he just has depressed, capable

of criticising. our polley

capable of nets Cyprus, the Greeks feel "Oh, of great well, i might be

keeping That is not up the pressure. The British might crack after all

in, great couro case up

In Greece we now know quite a lot about the hard core which line been leading Enosis,

There is the Cyprus: Eth narchy Council which represents

is Just

country where there is

·work' and 'no money,

But Atheria runs«Grecce---80° #'s worthwhile studying the sallent points; of the Alpenian, character and draw the lesson,

BE CALM AND FIRM...

POLL PROBE DISCLOSURES

By LES ARMOUR

He looke very shrewd and hard at least 10 years older than his 46. His Intimates give s gained power end. under a remarkable

him another 10 years before he He says categorically: "I have breaks down. $18.00 ender (or Bows) Carmilna De

no foreseeable plans to run for. He leads a devoted Me with 18.00 Soplo

Sop Saplo

high office myself." He is a wife and daughter in a small flat Harriman's State DO 15.00

backroom boy. Secretary of State, is generis Bons of pure Italian stock in Evers his enemies are greed in an t-smart part of town. 25.00 looked on a Horriman's trainer,

her a tough district of Manhattan, that he lives exclusively by his 8.50 for the nomination raço,

De Saplo has a reputation for He fought his way up against

Da Saplo entered politics' carly offeful salary.

He first became winning and for gumming right.

bitter Ir

Irish opposition, outside Manhatten when i he Het became the fist allan made friends

with the un- chairman of Tammany in 1949, impeachably respectable Harri-DOLITICIANS must have The first time De Sapko was his power was at its lowest man at the last Democratie co-found the London right was when he matched his become no one else wanted so Will he secure deriman's of electoral behaviour Bots at 30 but only "vention in 1952cure School of Economics survey 5.00 Menhalten machine against the thankles a job, b 200 Detmerratte machines of the He worked 10 hours a day. The principel candidates so gloomy reading.

ction oven days a week. He brought far are Adial Steverwony and other boroughs over the elections o

thechnique of market ro Senator Retaurer The New Tendensis chose Green

polition polls, York delegation, self muy con a wich for a detailed study of 3:00 Saplo

goes on in of British, blank,: the surveys 1:50

Is to know beller lone. Senator. Hebut. Lehman - con

that vizatly shantha!

Chinese-Creeds Customs Vol. I Chinese Croads & Customs Vol. II

Enjoyable Cookery.

Baby Book;

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The Hongkong Countryalda (Herklots)

25.00

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Rupart Adventure Book

Rupert Magasinan

Stamp Albums .... 144

Ten Points About Paarla

Points on Judging|jido:

Outline: Rellef Map of China

1.00 of a mayor of Now,

allied

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nomination

$19542;

Vinil of th40 Benaires: Theʻarttain'a fów weighty” Stevenson-hat

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Denver As Nevada kanpectable. Handonted Steven kea

30

On Sale

SOUTH CHINA MORNING POST

HONGKONG,

ramada De Saple the out be standing politician In

Next he

He decided that the agak dood Government

frand -Kofuver, would

1 De Sario's " talent/

10 no doventions Into play origod à "gentiosa Ark for prove he had no é 112) that Republi« hoot, Dễ Baptó left the shadows divide a cake" into five cittari Daway had with- and pentech) kaler met 1 - Koduvad. He likedeTVARO

erly invitations“, to.

Mk all over. U

Yet the report shows that the Socialists agreed with the only thred out of 10 Greenwich proposition. But it didn't meko voters could tell the surveyors the Socialists vote Conservative, candles. The surveyors asked The differences in broad anything at all about the (a)almpio "'question:* "Do you. polley between ConservatJam happen to know what kind of and Socialism seemed, to be the a chap to a b

deciding factor. But it wasn't a Agon, and again ther drew simple claas" diriliciioni. In

the top Incond group'

10.pore

an ancient. of-Liberalism, which,

ultimätély

Pažlicular

2080/loction the

bitter 7 bombasta :thern

of the voters Veled Socia "and in the bottom Inkome

11; pertent voted “ CotESEVE In between, thero, ware ble

“That provái, at: tenut, this Firskine politični party