1956-01-25 — Page 4

Page

THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 25, 1966.

Nathaniel Gubbins

A

who

N advertisement asks me, rude to customers

argue "Can you accommodate a gbout high prices. vialtor to Britain?" and My to partner, the Plucky adds, "owing to world- Little Woman, has found them wide necessity to learn English” neither testy nor rude. She says wii lake a paying guest from they have developed a techni- oversens?

que to combat erllelim so dead- Let us suppose I had obliged by that she has given up com- last week. I would have been plaining about anything. just my luck to get a shivering For instance. If she says to a visitor from the tropica who fishmonger: **Don't you think and down over in his thin sum- that's gather a lot to charge for nsole?" he will lean over his mer clothes,

into her his slab, look

carnestly have eyes, and reply:

Madam,

couldn't agrde with you more,

the I think have price of fish is scandalour. Over and over again I've said to the how wife just don't know people can aford to cac Ash at ali.

Qutalde the window homealck eyes would ranged over nothing but snow- covered boals and savage SEAR. Inside, the gale would

blown the fire out.

might

also have blown down Some cables. In which case we would have been sitting round a dead electric heater in our overctats

"Do you know what means, Mr Ee-rerm-e Sorry I've forgotten your name "

+Yvs. Cold. I kaina what it mean

Of course. I suppose

buy a bit of frozen cod that tm't worth 2d, a pound?

for

"If you don't have this sole lunch. (and certainly wouldn't if I were you, not at this price), I suppose you'll go to the butcher for å steak.

"And what

will

you And there? High prices again for a bit of tough meat not worth the trouble and cost of

cooking it. suppore you thought of bit A

of gammon? Wicked prices again, and not at all tike the gammon of the pood old know wett days, ai, you and enough. Salt and hard, that' what it'll be. You might a well throw your money down the drain."

10

you

By this time the P.L.W. convinced that she will

THERE'S ALWAYS UPSTAIRS by CUMMINGS

Cummings

BLASTS

Is

FROM THE RIGHT

have won't believe me, but I often sole or nothing for lunch. But The lesson is English would he awake

at wight worrying the fishmonger is relentless.

and then begin.

about what I have to charge

"Between me and you for fal

he says, 'culi

wouldn't give to my the gate post,"

wouldn't guarantee that the sole iing

Not bad, although is absolutely fresh. to myself lucky ladies üke yourself can mind you, but not straight out ta pay the price, what about those of the sea as you're entitled who can't? What about the old expect, ... You will have 11? people of the low-hcome Oh, well, all right, madam. You groups who have to count their can't

say you haven't warned." ponics, wondering if they can

-Very well, then Now Any after me, I am col"

"I am rok,

You me vrhl ***

"I have said I am rold."

This is a lesson, Me Thing-

Ummy Say You are cold,***

"You are cold"

We are cold **

"We are cold"

We are all cold '** "Yes, yes.

We are all cold, Very, very calif.”

"That's good. Mr Whatname Can you tell me the opposite of

"The opposite of cold be hot "Splendal What woutle? You be if you were at home in the Droples

would be k

"Yes, but apart from that you would be

what

"I would be hoi,"

"Of course you wish! And your father and mother They would be hel

wuidn' they?

yes, and my brother wundet be hot also **

"Naturally

"And stater 11 per Jost "Really.

Mier

M. Mc

Mr

**Yer Kraliy She work 100 the field all day. She i*

hot stuf

ווי

"Perhaps we'd better change the subject. Me Er-re

ez."

A

Salesmanship

WOMAN has complained to

a newspaper That tradesmen

are becoming testy und even

Full treatment

શ

been

to

no.

LUNNY Unetes Krushsky and You might have thought this

vodka travel Bulgy

time enough withou Thin IN

nerves. of their steady their

Bul disrint the last days

Courtsey

**Kruchtu olfiger Indian tour

and Bulgunin' to hug the enar- mens sweating victor who was wie uže. “

iren

ill-

by

the nod

They had already stuffed with orange juice

Kurlands end of vodka, hurt

petals thrown at and Bower

her instead of cocktail parties.

Then they were soulded Mr Nehru, ticked off by Government of Pakistan, severe.y reprimanded by pas.ble ka tian newspapers

According to a correspondent they were offered the following spectacles as a lost freul

372

US

tu out,

some

Then they went in to lunch. My recent invitation to the Funity Uncles still stands.

might not be able to find them a Gft. 6in, murderer knock somebody's teeth but 1 might find them Teddy buys with razors at the ready.

What's

offer I could "In New Delhi the Russian them something similar to the leaders softnessed demonstra holy man act in New Delhi.

Near

There is 11 and all-in Hong

wall "J prod

which made thin covered with broken glass wearing. biruch

where the disreputable friends "fu aired siener. they of Lottie the Devil Cat recline watched a holy man Re prone with easy nonchalance. un a bed of broken glas, and allow a our-ton lorry to be driven over a planke placed mattress but chase each

along from end to end und un kia body

turned roll over and over on the spikes As they ght all-in balties for awdy, tooking pate, they saw

Punjabi wrestler her favours. morderer released from prism for the day) feti hate but then I have something beller than orange juice to ge: The Funny Uncles could have vodka if they let me

in time.

Russiana

opponent with wz-like blows crashing in his treth and 5+*+1 x v} + {} him bleeding fely."

Miniature

Masterpieces

for Milady...

In fact, they not only recline a feather on it as if it were

other

'The sight always tinnerves

over

1981 KW

N.

World Copyright]

ROLEX

Superbly elegant - Precisely accurate Rolex offer a miniature watch of superb elegance, yet with a movement marvel of large enough to be a

accuracy-truly the best obtainable!

BUFFETS FROM

THE LEFT

FROM THE

SMACKS CENTR

VIEW FRIH CHEQUERS.

'Cheer up. Tony' Romember what I endured, and look at me now ........

********

TAKING THE KIDS TO THE CIRCUS TODAY?

HE WHO

GETS

CAIROLI ON THE RIGHT-WITH A Boy who DIDN'T slaP

SLAPPED...can call

a child a brute-and mean it,

even if he is a clown

★*★❤★❤★❤★❤★★❤★★★★

To have been on opera singer may be

London Express Service

GERMANS HELPED ALLIES TO WIN By Roger Hickam

PETROL Can which

A the Germans took with

them when they went to the Western Desert in 1941, helped the Allies to win the war. It was a 20-litre steel welded can, which became known universally as the "Jerrican."

As soon as one of these can fell into the hands of the British. It was sent to the War Office In London.

With it went an urgent call- "Give us this can in place of

the teaky British flimsy"

"I had a good voice once, but The British Armies in the always moving and no moncy Middle East fought on and wan It could not be trained. I with ever getting the full would like to have been a supply of jerricans they wanted. doctor, I think, too."

I think clowns do more good than opera singers. and in their way they arc doc.ors.

100.

LOSS IN TRANSIT

But in "The Story of the Royal

One of his assistants care Army Service Corps, 1039-45" into the dressing-room: a little (G. Bell and Sons, 469.) it la mon with a palo face and made clear that the flimsy petrol dark, planeted hair who -container used by the Army at Charlie asked Charlie. Baw

"Did you give He reddened his lower Up, hit a lot and never seems to the beginning of the war, would

underlined it in black.

Charlic slapped Cairoli

"And feel it

have at

failed completely long- Blackpool the chef a drink?

"Yes, sir," said the waiter, this." He blackened his eye hard across the face.

before the end of the war. ircus a few years ago. "a pint of Coca-Cola."

brows, enlarged them a little. "Seo that?" he sold to me.

FIRST

before I hit him, the

bim

I know, and know, The walter went away with "That's all." He rouged the Ho slapped him again. “If hoi

"The ocensions when petrol nothing about circuses. I the potatoes and came back two end of his nose, then varnished had finchod even a fraction was scarce may all be attributed public to the four-gallon flimsy can, can't remember any other seconds later: "I took them in it. "So!"

sir," he sald The A quick dest with powder: would know we are pretend from which the losses in transit clown I've seen in my life. myself,

potatoes

now crisp and word

there the clown in his pants, Ing. They wouldn't like the were so great as sometimes to So I have no standards of brown Instead af soft and "People write about clowns act. criticism on which to judge. yellow.

registering and patenting their Charle· Cairoli sală: "You make-ups. But I thought then and still think, that Charlie Calroil is a don't need to look for stuff for Somebody great clown.

In a different Way I have chef

thought

Kways

of myself as

a bit of a clown So when

I heard he was bitled up in Oxford "The world's greatest clowny went up to see him.

He did not look the least like

Hla

also

imperil operatione," the RASC historians say.

It's all nonsense.

Ships carrying the expendable can copy this

tim Cana arrived with their They foll at you. Logs,

The nose, but ho won't be mc,

"Wo get hurt. And if one of holds awash with petrol. When drinks Coca-Cola, The Somebody could grow your Jonst us is getting slack, or taking the cans

red hair,

were moved in the But they the act automatically, I hit him desert losses went up to 30 per- wouldn't be you." a bit harder. They ko to see cent or more.

He talked less casi- you hurt, the public. They like: ly about himself than to see you hurt. most people.

by GEORGE GALE

******************

.

"Probably the adoption of this unsyllablo container was the "I tell you, a little boy came greatest singlo equipment error round after a show to get my made before, the war," says the

Ho autograph.

the me: writer · of

Middle East At you don't really get hurt out section.

said to

wafter goes away with one lot He was born into circuses. His I expected I had thought he of potatoes and comes back mother, his father, his grand- was 10 or access, ho was 40 straight away with mơother lot fathers were, in direuses. and very much of the present, and pretends he had the first seven he was acrobat, hurse Its his brown suit and clipped lot improved

rider, trickster. At 13, ha began there do you. Charlie?'

patted his hood.

In the great Of course moustache,

clowning with his father.

sweep The other day a chap com-

noi, nose, which on stage is

It doesn't hurt Germany towards the end of incus moved around when

sonny' circus fiery red, grotesquely bulbous, plained about

his underdone France,

"Just a little circus, when they hit you?" he asked. the war, the Guards Armoured and upturned was sallow and beef and asked for Efferent

had to have six or

'No, no. I said. 'Don't you Division advanced 495 mlles in Everybody His

worry, “Oh," said

illic 18 days. The RASC lake credit the little forehead was out. The walter we breathe seven different acts, 1 td you, boy, then he suddenly lets out for keeping Control for Immensely broad; his thinning, corner, turned the beer upside we were often very hungry and punches me straight on the 693,000 galions of petrol for greying, curling hair grow back down came back and said, 'Is Sometimes people would come nose. My eyes began stream- wards from it. He could have this better. sir?' and the mat and give us chickens for their ing. There, and the little

their tanks and vehicles. boen o tallox to Teddy Boys, or sald, Excellent.'”

entrance money, for they had a don of philosophy.

convox.

He could not have been a Do moncy elther.".

Teddy Boy's tallor.

Litoraly, at least, a' clown We had lunch. He ordered is made and not born. Back in wine. Tho walter ahowed the

wings, and доб

Food and transport, broadly

I thought it hurt. The speaking, were the other two littig, brutefTM

great concerns of 'the RASC," "went through the bush where the

chorus idled theatre dressing-room an acrobat. His eldest daughter pattern and the figures on the

He is married His wife was the laths and convos

lampa bad no discernible him the label. "Pour it out! Charlie Cairoli stripped down Pour it out!" he said "What's to his vest and pants, washed, Lancashire, His son, who is 10 age seemed lifeless, to

18 at a technical school in

the good of mean a thing."

ITS OWN FLEET

ብፅ

Of every nine, môn" In the Army, one woru the badge of

Inbel? It doesn't are started angering a thio dat ne anlght be a clown. I can stalls, where the stage wits a the Corps: They operated not

palace. The waller said: "Some of piece of something that looked

like clay. our guests like to study tabela," sawaAAN

"I don't care what some of Ho warmed It-

see it, he has 16"

to folow you?”.

like

The corps rasi its own 2005.

only on the land) but at son and some of Charlie in the air. "Do you want your children Calroll's acta: slapstick, If you front of a your guests do. I ate the portable electrle Bre, kneaded

but with a perfection of wine and if I don't like it, you'll into a ball. He started rubbing "I do not care. I dɔ not - tell have to take it back."

It on his nose. His bose pink then. If they wate to thor all timing and time that maken aand althontio force

clown's indiscipline, the host ened. Then, he started shaping want Новы

Buy the girift is disciplined thing on earth. but if you don't SOTT ft on to him 'noga and after a thom. ¡¡ Let: W

ip sleppy. He could few and infinitely skilled and better everything not have been a phiocopy don practised motions a new nose

shrugged at

make

We ordered afumetter

po`g

toes, which are like very thin

not."

Do

In five years, the RASC flent

A were in

The "polder-saliors","

do what they cruel, tab, for the smallest | Kw from: 70 to 1,400' wemble

and

weakest

gets hit the you regret spending balr

yot the cruelty is sat on. Charlie Cairoll, and a your life in grease-paint the clowns are.

is harmless, for every theatre of war. { clowns, not men.

The Airborne: RASCA were clown sat before me.

clowni? Acess

Vulgar, also, you could call orters in the forefront of the "I first began clowning when "I get a good living out of it their humour: they

donate the battle. One of their drope wa like diguity of men's boties, but with the 1st Airbõena. DiviMön

Something

chips,ive tho chollarda 13," he said. "My father It hard work, but I'

said Charlle. Tell him I the potatoes crisp.",4, treng, put the make-up on thick all making people happy, and that is no bad thing either. No *Vary, "good" ki,” wald the over me. I hated it. Ever since enjoy thematīvas. If I had clown could ever dedale mon'a

I have got rid of it stealy, my chold I would have liked, souls or corrupt their minda shows in the Roll of Honour

more than 2,000; PAD

Waller

The potatoes arrived · limp Now" my riske-up is only-my & Pod, understand; George, to do, the world's, too. short of the end of the book) and Camp, Rothavan thiATi Doak? Kandaping judai waza feltu adanathing! good, Ta's day good,? clowns,?IÚnosda Calrotk