1955-09-23 — Page 4

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THE CHINA MAIL,

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 25, 1955,

Did it Happen?

by

Wolf Mankowitz

The leader asked me

to step aside and had

a few jumpa kimusalt

HELL IS SOLD OUT

T'S my luck I should

to come

FROM a shop off Piccadilly Wall Monkowits sells Wedgwood vases. From an office obore the shop' he sells film scripts. In both he is succenful. As this story suggests, the author of A Kid for Two Farthings has also gone a long way geographically- both east and west. Mankowitz la 30, and was educated at East Ham Grammar School and Downing College, Cambridgt. Ha iz married. (three sons) and lives in St. John's Wood.

appoint

001

the

state.

SPEND ETERNITY IN BADARABAD, says the heading on the bill.

All those who can't afford a pitch in Paradise needn't think they have a hope of going to Hell onoo dead.

HELL IS COMPLETELY BOLD OUT

Paradise is getting crammed to capacity.. Speak to Hig Supreme Highness now about it, or look forward to spend- ing.

ETERNITY IN BADARABAD

The idea is horrifying to all Badiarabadis. The arst result is

END TO THE FOUR MEN IN A JEEP

By Laurence Davis

Vienna.

TIENNA'S famous "Four

more.

men in a Joop" are no Just ten years after being formed to keep orden among the soldiers of the Occupation Powers, the i ternational patrol was last wook disbanded.

It consisted always of a British, French, American · and Russian NCO, though their jeep was later replacext by a' saloon car.

"

And, whatever the rela tions of their respective countries towards one an- other, the four NCOs with the four Allied flags on their Jeep's bonnet just carried on in unity with their routine duties,

THEIR OWN

The Americans provided. the jeeps, and later the gaily: painted Chevrolet saloons, Not to be outdone, the Rus sians brought in their own Poboidu saloons when it was their month's turn in the chair at Four Power meet- inge.

be in Badarabad with a large quantity of slightly solled "Union Jacks and assorted flags of the Empire in all sizes the

Still I gave him a couple more week they get their indepen- and went back to the tin hut or because

a run of bad luck on the horses knows, maybe by the time the there are no good fellow actually dies he will have dence. I also have with me and painted up on the board musleals on in London, or may the best position in all Paradise. a few other short lines, the over tho door,

be because Paris cocin't happen And *By

all the proceeda (less moderate Which was my second to be in the spring Just now St George toast rack which ment."

running costs) are takes four pieces of toast ble mistake, the first being ever and who wans Paris in the the personal and private income

of the Sultan himself. See? secured by the ridges along infested, dungheap In

to a fly-ridden, ent- winter?

a hot-

His Supreme ghness 19 the dragon's back, a nice house like Badarabad. Because

Now the Sultan had returned

little carly a

because of 10 range of tartan tea-cosies all it was the very next day they only a small-time Son of

Morning Star, but as such his clans, 10 gross little cameras get their independence.

perks are very

indeed, unprecedented run of bad luck

The Pobeldas were always with a little battery inside; Mind you the Badarabadia Every year they make him a at 21, poker, snakes and ladders you press the button, a light don't know nothing about this present of 28 trosh girls and the and other gambling games, and a run on the Sultan's land office driven by the Russian mem

ho needs Low hundred

on so that all plots shown on the Poster entire crop of dates. That's how excount, otherwise how will it map are taken

|ber of the patrol; the up at luxury comes up and against it the dependence business.

is being stuck up everywhere in much they love the dear

Chevrolets, by the Amerf 15 most beautiful models are English and Badarabadi, but it Sult.

look at Monte Carlo when he prices. isn't the heaviest losert The The Sultan and his agents are can. revealed, and a few boxes of is all 20 long and involved the

namo of Badarabad will not delighted, but there is no time latex hula-hula girls moving rumour gots round that the

be respected, and they are n to fake new maps, so in a few going to land alx

The patrol's common lan- most realistically when you regiments of guards and round

proud people.

days the land office and palace guage was German, picked are besieged by Badarabadi turn the handle underneath. up all the sacred goats in the

But all the wherewithal

But the fact remains, they tell hordes all demanding the Sultan up as soldiers pick up But the flags are the big hope place because England is shore

free them from of Badurabad Trading Company, of meat.

spieling in the casinos of Monte the Sultan Bedarabad has just should

the language anywhere. Carlo, Las

Black had the worst crop in oven its threat of spending eternity Vegas and I come from long line of synall

pool comes not from the two history, and is restive for this Baderabad than which even capital big hopers some of whom

bobsworth of dates, or even have not died bankrupt.

very reason, although by the the prospect of Hell is more from selling the girls, but from time the Sultan docks and is cheerful. being not only a sultan but a carried on the bare high priest.

This

British are

Burned down

a

High priest

old

for

This only a

backs of

aru

Personal bank

Selling back

in

Often the patrol, was called

in to deal with Licklish prob- lems, calling for fact and dip- were Incidenta lomacy. There were of Russian soldiers

caught kidnapping people on orders headquarters, but Need I say more? The Sultan trom

only once was the Russian eomes, crown in hand to me,

me member of the patrol known and I am kind enough to sell to interfere with his him Hell back, lock, siock and

their

Western He pulled a gun to aid compatriots of kidnapping but

thing or two, believe me).

making a bargain I also know

barrel. for nominal 30 percent colleagues. profit (he always strikes a tough on bargain the old boy) plus a five suspected percent royalty in perpetuity on he was quickly overpowered. Paradise (because when it comes

them

RESPECTED

So you are now talking to a

A small place

The next thing is the streets

the multitude to his magnificent are full of screaming Badara-

quiet badis and

la Sir Duckworth

is how the business palace, most seris

looking forward to When I arrive there Badara- taken off in a destroyer with his works, and you must admit it again

rather sweet racket, and market-gardening in Paradise. bad is just a small place quietly three ADCs and the two latex is

Bun, with

a lot of makes you think that the bust- stinking in the

a hula-hula giris, and and

valuable governor

burned nessmen of the West can learn. a governor's

property

two thing or

from the as the down and palace as magnificent as

mysterious East, Blue Dance Hall in the Edgware

Suddenly I am the only Bri-

The true reason why the Still, the Sultan's agent ex- Road. The governor has got a tish resident left because I have nice old girl

who is hig Lady Duckworth, spends her

missus, the sense to dark my face with Sultan has come back is because plains, they haven't been buy- some brown boot-polish, put on ay high priest of Badarabad he ing too well lately, and there is

few miserable hundred to a while overall and stand by hes whole time running round 3

a duty to perform. door shouting ruined temple, stands just by the shop

and duty consists of selling through in the exchequer. Also the bank where the

the jungle starts, looking pointing this way and that way his heavenly land office parcels they robbed was the Sultan's

Not one man of the patrol Paradise, and has had the great (Originally $201 NOW SIZ at what is carved on the signco, while I jump up and down, on of land in different parts of personal bank, and his reserve man who owns five percent of

In fact the

great: tragedy the flag of the German Repub- Paradise to all his trusting serts. find is entirely blued. This 19 honour to have been appointed lost his life on duty during the within a couple of days of my lie (what do the Badarabadis They are coming once

a year where I come in

ADC to His Supreme Highness ten years of its existence. arrival is

is that she has Just

from tar and near to put down

of Bodarabad, my 1st got know?).

I call on the Sulton and offer the Sultan out

And this is where I have a deposit

They were liked and respect- nice bit of

him my whole twenty thou partner and a gentleman, if ever on it

ed by Austrian and Allies of luck. A whole piece Arst

maybe, if they are acreage, or she falls crowd of

alike, so much so that they be-, Badarabadis come flush, buying outright a beauti- (what is the Badarabadi pound I met one.

worth now anyway?) in ex-

came a landmark of postwar *crops running past in a hurry since ful allotment where the

Vienna. They even became the boys knock off for their rico- they have just looted the bank. blossom daily in complete con- change for Hell, the completo concession, lock, stodio and pudding

and when elevenses

koy figures in a picture stor- They stop and look at ma jump trast to this stony old Enda barrel, with a deed of ownership,

ring Alida Valli and entitled they get

back the old girl ing on the flag and the leader bad dump where a handful of sealed, signed and delivered,

"Four in a Jeep," completely eaten by a tiger. asks me to step aside and has rice is a day's pay.

Duckworth is pretty fed up when he hears this after ho comes back from the club where he has been knocking back a fow drinks at my expense.

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HONGKONG AND KOWLOON

a few boys to

glves her such carved

to pull

a Dig

靄

what is and

over in

a dead faint, and the runni

Worried

few jumps himself.

Day

慰

Then they all want to, and by the end of the day the fashion has spread like wild-are and my whole stock of flags is sold at a

or

A deposit

complete with map and all.

You want to buy Hell?" he says. "Can be buy Hell?" he asks his agents. "With pleasure," right And his agents are selling they say, "who in their good margin of profit. All of from a large map parcels at all mind would buy Hell?" Bo I which is to explain how I

leava the Sultan's land office to have twenty, thou just prices, high for a good position, the sole owner of Hell, and in handy

pen

"hap

no, when his Supremo High- ranging to however much a

Son of The Morning coolle happens to have for not the opinion of all and sundry

the biggest fool between Arabia Star, the Sultan of Badarabad, such a good place down low on Deserta and Seven Dials, decided (being as it is the end the map. But they are perfectly,

And I am pretty worried myself in case, with my luck, he should reckon it against me, especially as I am taking up a of the racing season anyway) fair about this. lot of his time with him look to vialt his home town. ing at the fifteen models just once more old chap, and work- ing one of the hüla-hula girls till she fails to pieces.

Then with the assistance of If the bloke comes bacle' in a my clerk Jimmy, a Badarabadi, Now this Sultan always has a couple of years, or wants to who wants to become a company soothing effect on his people on make a hire-purchase arrange director one day, I draw out a the rare occasions he shows up ment, they will consider the handbill and we get ten thou- in Badarabad, sometimes after sum down a deposit, and, who sand distributed all over the

The latest Communist courtship is aimed at a member of the Commonwealth

"THANK MARX FOR CAPITALIST CANADA"

Winnipeg.

relentless efforts by

By FRED MANOR

the economic factors that led to the outbreak of thé 1914-18 war was the rivalry between Hun-

are

The Soviet Union to provinces, where the memories

The irrepressible Ambassador gary and Serbia (later incor- for capture. Canadian goodwill of the depression of the "Dirty Chuvahin went on to confess to porated in Yugoslavia) have become part and parcel Thirties" die hart Forhaps it the Canadian public

wheat that the European Hungary

and YuMDLY, Now of the recent general at was a mere coincidence, but the Communist system of govern raled by Communists; agricul

Soviet ment "may not be the best." tempts at more co-existence fact remains that the

ture in each is collectivised; and Moscow followed the Ambus both these former granaries of Ambasador to Ottawa, Dimitri and better relations.

Charvahin, chos0 the westem sador's sweet music with a The main theme of the provinces for some surprising sound that is even sweeter to Europe are compelled to import latest Soviet drive has been utterances.

the ears of the western farmer grain from across the Atlantic. from the Yugoslavia bought of clinking coin, "a good neighbour policy "op

He made a trip out here, put the sound of ell

The Czecha unleashed by USA. on a five-gallon cowboy hat, "We are so much alike," and to the great consternation. Moscow, rushed to buy some of is the dove-like refrain of of the focal contades, who Canada's enormous butter sur

Hore perhape Hes the ax- the Russiane, "so let us be tumed out in strength to greet plus, The Poles purchased 27,- ..

bim, fold the Canadian publle 000,000 worth of the even more planation, behind Ambassador good neighbours,"

that "Communian

trank statement would not excamous Canadian wheat sur... Chriyahina Actually, until now, the only be the thing, for you!"

plus, Negotiations are also in that Comaminimi is not. suitable neighbourly acts the Canadiand

cae to goll Canadian wheat for Canada. Moscow, and her noffood was a shameless., and

antellites have an urgent need ugh. of: Camicia's capitalist. matically enough, OF! somewhat ominous trespassing

farmer, by Soybet scientists across the gasted. One of the nativa com- there was, not a word of pro- who has succeeded in accom top of the workd

and into sorting that

fried to explain it away test from Washington

about plishing dirpluses year no kolkhoz har by

Comrade those large-scale deals with the

Bloo. Only Bentor site You do

and

L

The comrader

Canada's own baskyárd,...,7

But Mostow aptitudo triffen. She casts them from not have to be a

to

wero flabber-att

for forgetting much per contade at early member today be seja multify,

has a special · Charvahin may not be a pro- Elanfor%3Athamad object, and Oshadhë," the

her mind as easily as she has to be a Soviet Ambassador Is it to peets with redorebec ditched her Communist come duck-clicked the Canadian Ked, knowledge of Kastorn, Maropa krom rades hore,

Canadian Communten in anttempt to turn rouss into to yo

a semblanon (a) leser of inciioni

Marx⋅

for capitalist fondlars ɑmation under their Fail:Street

WORLD. COPYNIQHT DESERVED

DID IT REALLY HAPPEN?

The answer to today's story by Wolf Mankowitz, the inst in the current series-le printed at once. IT CERTAINLY DID NOT! Did yesterday's story Nice to Hare Met You by Edgar Lustgarten-actu- ally happen? The answer is NO.

Glad as the Viennese are ta regain their freedom, they are Borry to see the "Four" go. They have become a symbol of peaceful co-operation," which is even more than co-existence.

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1