1954-12-18 — Page 6

THE CHINA MAIL SATURDAY, DECEMBER 18, 1954.

at WATSON'S...

Christmas presents no problems!

WE all wish YOU

A Merry Xmas

The finest As: Sunts & borns

BURNERTO

Whitbread's

i White Label

CAMPARI

MIFTERS

REMY MARTIN Rre Donny

aqet.c

Tiffer

MARTINI

YEEHOUS

Myers Rum

MACKESON'S

STOLT

1

"OLD FORESTER

SDEAUGA

Brelies

..Arbia

AT

WATSON'S

+ SUPER SOLA

*LEST

• SPARKLING URANGE

LEMONADE

* JODA WATER

• CINCER ALL

"TORIC

» LINGEN BÉLR

How Good Is Your Memory?

SOME

COME highlights of the events of 1954 are

recalled in the story: be- low. Can you fill in the blanks in the narrative? The warld moved nearer to peace in 1954. · In Indo- China after the (1) 12. bels had finally overwhelm- ed the French garrison at in May, the war ended in July when the new French Prime Minister,

(2)

(8) - signed the pence trenty at (4)

The long drawn out dis- pute between Britain and Egypt was settled at last with an agreement signed in Cairo by the Egyptian Prime Minister. (5), and the (6). Also in the Middle East, terms were agreed for the marketing once more of Persian oil from the re- finery at

(7)

In Europe, the European Army - plan collapsed, but a B-power falks in (8)-, followed by fur er talks in Piris, agreement was reached for a measure of German rezemament,

For all

your GIFTS

prom early at

WATSON'S

THE HONG KONG DISPENSARY

GLOUCESTER ARCADE

*

"Not forgetting the Porn Front Cardiol Family"

A. 5. WATSON & CO., LTD.

GIVE ENGLISH ELECTRIC

GIFTS that give a life time of service!

*ENGLISH ELECTRIC'

REFRIGERATORS

AUTOMATIC WASHERS

• COOKERS. PLATE WARMERS MIXERS and the price is right.

bringing you

better living

Sole Agents

THE

Gifts that have a usefulness. are always twice as welcome, and gifts by. "English Electric" are as certain and as sure to please as Santa himself. Choose an "English Electric" gift for your friends or your own family and you give a lifetime of pleasure, service and satisfaction.

Available from

afl principal

electrient denturs

DINE ENGINEERING CORPORATION, LIMITED

જુવ

16. PEDDARE STREET

FILES

"Smith, during the singing of the last carol one of us taut he law a puddy tat a-cweeping up on him.”

London Expresa Service,

FOR COMES TWICE

THEM, CHRISTMAS

F

A YEAR

A

By BOB MONKHOUSE and DENNIS GOODWIN

Two of Radip's top-line script writers and comedians advise you on how to write; your

own jokes

At the start of the year the Queen and the Duke of Edin- burgh, on their Royal tour of the Commonwealth, were in - (0) --and after leaving that coun- try their next port of call wis (10)-which they reached, in February in the liner (11)- On the homeward journey, they rejoined their children at |—(12).

Names in the news: emiong coinnt man who died were a British statesman who had formerly

been ambissador to France, -(13)~~~, a leading French painter, —(14)—, and ä ve.cran Hollywood selor, →→→(15)→→→

An

cminent

conductor,

(18), a famous circus clown, (17) and a Commonwealth Prime Minister all announced

their retirements. A member of the Royal Family (19) was

翅 1 road accident,

ᄆ

pred American novellat (20)

In

CUATICO.

-(21)—

and another writer

died in one of the

OR us Christmas What checked (Copled from a All ja pandemonium In our offices for a while, Heiter-tkeller * usually

joke book). first occurs

we run! We are locis, for the about mid-November. (b) e been poorly-proper piece of paper ca which we have This is when we have

(Copied off the radio written our latest joice about escaped death in a plane crash to poorly

in 1947 and a jolly good joke it being proper poorly." start cudgelling our flabby must be You should have heard brains to write jokes for the them laugh! Wow!)

By six o'clock order is restar-

Comet disasters. A Rurзlan od Ted Ray is "On the air" diplonmt -(22)- WOR given Christmas radio

(c) "Henry Hall is so old he's going with a zing (script writers' asylum in Australia. An ancient shows. Then we have an- got white hair." (Made up).

term for "Wham"). His funny Roman god, --(23)--- achieved other Christmas on Decem-

As you

can see, making up the "proper poorly joke is a

faces are getting big laughs and overnight fame in London. ber 25,

We

were going jokes is tricky. The mention of

Henry Hall about you

to

tell

and TV

is sure Are for a great success, along with wo this, medium laugh but the rest of jokes about Vie Oliver and Ben and how we set about writ- the joke seems to lack that Warrise being bald. The Vic ing Christmas shows, but a

certain zing which makes it Oilver one gots particularly well

as Vic is baid, funny. Of course, this joke will diabolically clever idea has Inst

a long time, because you since occurred to us.

can replace Henry Hall's

If we tell you how

name

with other names, like Dick Bentley, Bing Crosby, Vie Oliver, to Jack Benny and Ben Lyon and

write your own jokes YOU use the joke over and over again.

soccer.

In the field of sport, the prophets were confounded when -(24)-won the World Cup for The Queen'a colt, —(25)— won the season's richest racing prize at Ascot. An Aus- tralian

gained the British (20)

Open Golf Champion-

at Wimbledon the

can entertain the family at 's the last part that worries us. E next week brings more singice ship was

It doesn't seem to have that Christmas. This will save "Wham" (script writers' term us a lot of trouble. We can for zing). then hibernate. for the Winter in Philip Harben's beard, and forget the whole thing.

Now this is how you set about it. There are three ways to write a joke. (a) Copy it down from a joke book. (b) Copy it down off. the radio. (c) Make it up.

The first two are simplest, and intelligent students need read no further. The stupid ones who are still with us will find that there are two ways to make up a joke.

Better to put back the original joke we copied it from, which was "Henry Halls so old he remember when Gladys really Young." (Copied from Arthur Askey).

Was

Now

OW we come to the difficult part of fitting the jokes to the comedians. For instance we wrote this joke for Jamy Jewell to say to Ben Warriss: "You're so bald your head look

if your neck is blowing as bubblegun!"

and

-important business. A court

won at last by Dixon and case where Reg

Roger Bannister became the Arthur Askery suo Ted Ray, first man to run a mile in

In under and all kinds of busy copying, four minutes, but his time WAS foraging for new material to later beaten by (28) At swell our files.

cricket, (29) mado their first tour of England and won a Test Match. At boxing, (30) If your mouth is agape at the retained the world heavyweight glamour of this dizzy life, do championship in a Aght against not be misled. Show Biz (script) Ezzard Charles, writers' term for zing) is not without his heartaches and hard work, and no one knows better than we the telling strain of creating humour for the masses.

The correct answers may be found on Pare`24.. After comparing them with your own, add up your score za follows:

But if you make up any jokes for Christmas, send them straight to us. We'll advise you, tops.

20 to 30 marks: You're the

On second thoughts, don't waste 18 to 24 marks; Little things them on your family and don't mean a lot. send them to comedians. They 10 to 17 marks: You forgot'

to just put them in their joke les remember, and won't write back. Send 0 to marks: Lot the rest of This was careless planning on them to us. For heaven's saket the world go by. our part. We copied the joke AND HURRY!

(Bolution on Page 24) from a show where soincone (a) Copy it down from a joka said it to David Niro, who is books or off the radio and then bald. Ben Warriss drafb-but, of convince yourself you thought of course, on the radio you can't It first anyway. This is dimcult see that Jewell said the studio in the case of books published audience wouldn't laugh. Come before your birthdate.

(b) Invent it. In order to invent a joke you have to know what it is.

dians are not co-operative things like this. The resourceful script writer, must be prepared to face such crises, when his

criticised and work is

back to his foco by non-creative parasites.

If a comochan is fat, you must make up Lot jokes about him,

EDUCATION is everything in if he is tell, tall Jokes. If he has these matters, so study your nothing peculiar about him, he joke. A joke is a collection of is not a proper comedian. Don't nouns, adjectives, adverbe and bother with him.

| things which a comedian, says -

before he pulls a funny face and Every good script writer képe makes the audience laugh. Jokes 4 "joko file" or "{}" All in theips between the in which ho comedian's funny Ences, .

"Jokes ht

have been Here are three jolices writion years: now" and baya by each of the three methods: ovir twenty: jokes, advised above.

boy ran

shop and

∙Hoy, inte

ed and

PARTY CORNER

OF

FOUR nođe of

nerst

guide for

hank you to - your

people

Theiposium and forget

And if the

for dinner.

Watch your MANNERS!

"DON'S ENAWS Your diet'...

glasačnata provided:"rhare's

unpleasan

our drinking

que abort