1954-11-17 — Page 4

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THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 17*** 1954.

NATHANIEL GUBBINS

ALBERT, THE WRITING

the robot author. According Safety First

to Mr R. A. Plidington, writing for the papers, it

ore

can already translate scion- HERE

more hints on driving a car by your tific texta intelligibly and

Uncle Nat, who was behind a soon be capable of wheel before some of you were may writing books, plays and...I born." hope--columns.

In The Train

►

ROBOT

"Aren't you try."

the

PART from wishing size, with female steam re had done it a purpone, "Live?" 'said the man. "He trouble in the world," said the

that Russia would hammer,

drove off towards Trafalgar lives all right, don't you worry. men, "No wender the Russians blow. up,

Then I would have to unscrew Square amid the faint cheers of And what about the millions of shot the lot." my

a few admiring spectators. greatest wish at the him, or send him, back, and go

twopences he makes out of old "Don't talk so loud," said the age pensioners? It's the old age woman. "You'll wake 'im up." moment is for a model of working for my own living,

This method is not regom- mended even to the most skilful friends pearl necklaces."

pensioners what bug "is girl "Woke 'im up?" shouted the

man, "I'd

up. string "Im

I'd driver,

"I wish they'd buy me a string 'cm vil up on every couple," said the woman, "Do lamp-post in the

said they buy anything for 'is wife?”

the woman, "The poor people buy 'er everything," said the man. "er I opened my eyes ហង 'ouse, ter jewels, 'er 50 tons of train stopped at a stalion. As

man and THERE he is again," said the coal. But what's the use of at the

woman got out the man shouted again: man in the train, sleepin' all to a brecen-'carted woman Overtaking: Although a few or another champagne lunch." cry in the midst of luxury?” "String 'em all up on every people, usually the best drivers, "Good lucky to 'im," said the Better than cryin' in a pre- lamp-post, that's what I say.

'ad th: jab with don't mind being overlaken by woman, "I wish

said 110 coal,"

the And if there ain't enough lamp- another car the majority resent chance."

posts I'd put up more to string itro fercely that you must

"It's at is stomach," said

bloodsuckin' vampires 'em up on." always eensider the possibility

chuse all the

(World Copyright) that the driver ehead has ten the man, "full of fish, poultry, like Im what

cream and porarily

homicidal ment, le maniac.

the dirty fat plg."

"I expect he's pittin' up s

the winter," raid strength for

So far, a lot depends on the competence of the editor who feeds the robot with words, though in Paria a M. Albert Ducrocq has gone a step further.

He has constructed a machine that will compose speeches, 10ems, and even music. It has a vocabulary of 4,000 ideograms which may be increased to 1,000,000. or 47 times Shake- speare's range of words.

When I get my column-west- ing robot I shall call it Albert, after M. Duerneq. It will wit opposite me at my desk 1 will read the papers, tear out suli- able items and pop them into Albert's month. After a minute 11 two I

will then open Bis tunny and out will pour a lot of funny erneks, all neatly typed and exactly the right length.

Money-Maker

this way I could link for

Iward to happy retirement.

beware

become

"Look

brandy.

with the

and

every-

sali the

Therefore, when he has buik-

the woman, "what e you for miles, keeping to the

shortage of coal middle of the road at 20 m.ph thing."

the intment when he OVCC Lo the left and "Shortage of coal?"

"'Im? Don't make me at last. Your L De his planned revenge tough. He never went short of when he is st dangerous.

nothing.

If there's going to ben

waves

עוןות

This 180

With murder is his heart he shortage an they say there is," may wait until you are about said. the woman, "I suppose 'ave to up without like to pass and then suddenly move he'll ever to the middle of the rond everybody else," again, hoping to wreek" you in the right hand ditch,

T

"Don't talk daft," said the

"Do you know 'ow much coul he 'as in the cellar of is

country mansion?"

WOW

should I know?" asket

"Fily tons of the bat," said

the man, "k say nothing of

Really wicked drivers, know- in your patience is exhausteri, nay tempt you to pus thêm on the tooman. the head ofen road. They enn en the approaching wery which

invhible to

to you.

So don't coke and logs to burn In the Becoming richer as I grew older

Trust him, particularly if they

hey d ancestrul fireplace Al because, with Albert working are driving little vintage

cars

Christmas." fat all day, I could produce w th webbly wheels and you "What a lovely Christmas he's several colushins under different

may driving shiny new car If I kept him n§ if all names

They not only hate you for night I mugfel xlace a ક seller or British euanedy that would be staged in America and 0307 wrings suigger est f the New York craiks, DACH known as The Seven Butchers ut Broadway.

But os 1 1 am aware of my own

doub

this happy

latinship westid

wran N

a two st.

ford tof him

I king

I

if

last

trying to pass them. bist the rht of your new car in their Loving mirror ha driven them wazy with cowy,

If you hit the karry they may be sorry afterwards, but a. the ement of impact they will be flied with the savage joy of the under-privileged French revo tutionuries when the gulf

Fell cruts.

fi

N

neeks of the existe-

are

gnin" to "aug," said the woman.

wish he'd invite me."

mia.

"He won't be there," said the

"Not ome

for asked the woman,

Christings?"

"Which one ta he goin' to

toʊman.

POCKET CARTOON

by OSDERT - LANCASTER

"Never mind about the Factory Act! Just you put an amber on that No.-1 apet and move it two foor further over towards the prompt!"

THE WORLD'S STRANGEST STORIES-NO. 12

THE MONSTER

IS

By

|JOHN CONNELL

N

OT a year passes but there is some news, however sketchy, of the Loch Ness Monster. It is, however, 21

this усиги

summier and

for

"Net whea be 'as a girl friend in the South of Franze

Lane." said the man.

nd another ins 'buse in Parkautumn since the Monster

was,

months at # spend Christmas with asked about, speculated over

streich, discussed, argued the woman.

the pages of all the leading newspapers. The year Wae 1933, the year that Hitler set up the Third Reich.

in

A LADY

Locals havo, bestowed the feminine gender on the fabulous beast of Loch Ness--here depicted on a postcard.

sort of

would soon feel sorry for Albert and give him a night

"Both," said the man. Then I would grow

"He'll takt

end Christmas Day, with the town the road for In any case they will say, "It ne in Park Lane, and then ny

one of my closest friends, Lionel Others, far more learned in put r while

BL the lew served him right. He wanted in private plane to spend

Hale, who had been at Oxford these matters than myself, have to pass, didn't he?"

Boxing Day with the other." In lurt while Albert would

"He don't tools as pay as all

with me and who was working conducted careful and claborale reyzarchies, and have come to the Shiat

The first news of it came for a rival newspaper, farmitar.

Turning then becane

that." raid the Round: There

woman. "Ave

conclusion that there is a con- Brally ky

insolent, thựce sale ways doing, thi

pirt friends got plenty of to London in August, 1933,

We were late upon the scene siderable weight of evidency to Instead of working hard with You can

chouse a turn on ruel too?"

the dogdays of a long, hot we were very young and we were indicats that some out crumplaint he

get the left, make a detour and re- would

Thys "heavita" "Tons of it." suici

summer, when Mr Cecil Orr, lightweights. the man.

underwr benst Inhabited medy and byerish, and instead enter the main road by another

of the A.A.. told Sean had all been there

before us, perhaps

inhabits the I pikouzing a steady stream of turning. You can make your "And tra,"

Nesy. And after den ward manly fun he would turn inquiet size real on the "Why tons of tea?" asked the Fielding, now editor of The tracing heofprints in the sand of water still

distant bunches, nobbling fainous the recent discovery of living Best ship in a few curse Jokes 1. You can reverse into a

Tatler and then a young re- big game hunters,

doing their

#pecimens of that prehistoric Lindeed up wrtig unprintable furning in the left taking care

"Why? Because It's Koing porter on the Daily Mail, Muff 09 segacious and ex-ish tho coelacanth, which itatielaisian column

net to back into pedestrians

L Ud. a pound next week, that A.A. patrols in pertenced reporters have always scientists thought had been ex- would protext, He would walking behind you and re- that's why," said the m 412W65 back

pages of en'er the inain rond that way. with

"He acenia to think of every- sypewritten abuse. There would

thing." said the woman. quarrels and scenes

he docs,"

with Once

A bert hanging his sulky metal had and returning to do any

2008

Even

The

Only

woman.

"He

won't make

done their stuff since newspapers net for thousands upon thou- began.

sands of years, we ought to be chory of lighthearted scepticism about sex-serpents and the like.

Firm Conclusion

Invernesshire had sent in reports of very odd sights

One forceful fellow, I recall, Ai the in and around the loch. It had all the boatmen under con- Man. "He boxes clever, He was a fine story for a dull tract to him for the whole period gils a corner Dr teit, buys up all THERE is also the London taxi he wants for 'imself and friends, day, and the Daily Mail of his stay, thus effectively pre- relationship THE

driver's way of putting out and sells the rest to the workin' took it up zestfully. So did venting the rest of us from get

ting on to the waters of the dkin't end this way there woulit a hand and just turning round, clasics at an "Igher price. Next its competitors.

Loch and throwing the beastie be trouble about money, Albert assuming all ronds are empty, week he'll make a cool million," would want to knw how much d

of sugar which (wo were For the best and most expert Uncle Jur

Nat's way

more than

I have the clearest recollection d) would bring him to authority thet I know, the late I earned, and when I told him, which was done once, and once id, out of me," said the woman. of the whole ephode, for on the surface. We were therefore Lieutenant-Commander but reminded tim about income only by accident.

R. T. only ave 'arf a "We

pound a

Christmas Eve, 1033, the News restricted to dry-well, fairty dry Gould, R.N. (retd), after a tax, he would work that cut in

week."

Editor of The Evening Nowe sent -land. a Bach nad waht a 50-50 share Once upon a Lime he was

"What's wrong with makin' me to Loch News, in the thin

very emnefnd and clote investiga of what was teft,

driving up the Mall on a greasy millions of fourpences?" asked hope (I was very young, very

There was one sunlit morning on in the late cutumn of 1933 Hapatu. By 1

read, changed down into second the man. "Millions and millicos

reached the Arm conclusion that, raw and a very bad reporter) when the plermaster at Drum, whatever it gear and necelerated hard. The of

was the monster fourpences out of people that I might be able to write à nadrochit, A while bearded existed and was not the product or went into back-wheel what can't afford it?"

High, amusing "holiday" pisce ancient in a thick Jersey and a cf mess-halldomation. He talked kid and turned completely "uppore he as to live," for the day after Boxing Day. I tam o'shanter, conducted Lionel to no fewer than 61 men and run to reund. Your Unele, pretending said the woman.

went North in the company

Male and

myself to

to the end of women who had seen it, within his pier and permitted us recent months including a Fort survey the placid, unruffled Augitus schoolmaster and the waters of the joch. The weather Apatrol In the districts was as balmy as June, the sky Commander Gould believed wall blue and tranquil, and there and

and 1 Heard him say so

•1, was a faint golden haze at the and cogently, of icarly

Odd Volumes

200

the

wha tung wid dial winn Albert fill an tove with a pretty 1 te ad.ng machine, GT. 48 some lastes in women

BUSTLING BRITAIN (2)

By LES ARMOUR and RONALD BOXALL

Halc

western end of the loch,

MIRACLE DOWN ON THE FARM Greatly Excited.

T

resources,

have risen

V

Ayobald the plermaster/in

than

and

dinner bf tho Club catly in 1034 Nexs portained at of the rarest

Igast-known of flying crea Lures Ho thought that it was enlarged, long-necked,

been there

.1933.

hay

tikcommen

years

before collected first-hand ico: in

AKE uno and a half Simple necessity played the Growling tractors by the theu- Forming is not-overall

islands with a mere biggest role in the upsurge of sand ate through the quiet, popular occupation despite the

rolling countryside of England fact that curnings 94,000 square miles production. of land. Add

Overzens

suppliers of bacon, gentle clemp of the horse had to £0 today- deceat living 60,000,000 people-and only butter, and eggs found them been heard before. Massive wage in rurat Britain today and the tiniest dash of natural cives part of Hitler's farmyard, combine harvesters, bearing weekly hours have shrunk from

and the Journey to the names like Massey-Harris, were 51 to 47. Canadian. American, and Aus- turned out to do the work of 2 There was more to the story, ranches involved tralian wheatlands And cattle dozen men. Four million acres however, than simple hard work

dendly perils of land were tilled. which could be risked no more

In all, Britain today has 2 often than was strictly necessary, times

Farmer's Stand much agricultural The only solution was to dig machinery as she had before the To encourage the former to in and tighten bells.

war, And the trick has been produce every ounce the land Suddenly the plermaster be is being killed by game sports-

Put your islands through six years of all-out war and subtract a large slice of its traditional markets.

That sounds like a recipe for atarvation.

How come?

Enjoyablo Cookery

Baby Book

15.00 25.00

This is Hong Kong

$ 8.50

The Hongkong Countryside (Herklots)

Hongkong Birds (Herklots)'

35.00

Coronation Glory

10,50

King George VÉ

10.50

It's Fun Finding Out 2nd serios

(Bernard Wicksteed)

5.00

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Report Magazines

1.00

4.50

1 Eating More

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No Hiding Place (Behind Scotland Yard)

Common Marino Food-Fishes of Hongkong

(second enlarged adition)

W.

Weights & Measuremonts

Stamp Collection Albums).

,from

On Sale At SOUTH CHINA MORNING HONGKONG dans sho

For six years, the traditional where, often as not, only the from 34 shillinga o week in 1939 knowledgeable accents, "it'arpe form o

boy diy for her."!)

khat ind

without much warrant of arcu. 3031 and 1932, der also thought The fommins gender had eviliones It's appearance racy-been bestowed upon the that fossibly camp and Monster by all the joćni inkable having found the loch to po a tants, Laborrel and I staged, after refuge from its natural chemies, the fashion of stout Cortes, at the sperm whale end tho the noble prospect of ounce i was so tare, there should He suggested that, and loch spread out before us.

be special lagisintion to prevent

A Little Plot

As

turned two ways: lect Britain exported £60

and Inventiveness

the your.

man'

with rifo pr torpeon,

Strange. Indeed

Gould

Was

year would yield and to bring down

the prices,

Socialist cams greatly) excited. She in But it's not. It's a recipe

Government,

ciccted in 1945, the air," he announced. "Ah worth of agricultural mach food for Britain-a nation which

But digging in produced some This, combined with scientific started a complicated pattern of can smell her" contrives to eat 16 percent trooped out to the

surprising results. Housewives use of for and improved stock which were evestunily to cost Then a long bony finger at the

subsidia and indirect better-planned direct

Wo wore owed into alience. ields, land use of land, more food than it did be-which had been in disuse for breeding, has produced a revolu- the taxpayer C414 million a fore the war and is one of years sprouted crops, and nearly tion which

ond of 'blue-jörsöyed arm shot smacke of

out. We looked intently in the a little plot miraculous.

Commander the best-fed.communities on everybody had

They did something, moreover, direction in which the pier skilled end tenacious investi 25,00 the face of the earth.

where he spent his leisure hours Last year, for instance, though to improve the national dlot by master pointed.

everything

gator and a man of scrupulous growing

from the acreage sown in wheat was implementing the doctring of potatoes to Brussels sprouts, only 50 percent above prewar, rationing

honesty. Sceptical young booby Well, you might ask

by card and not by "There she gẨN” erled tie The

for Victory"

though was more the yield was doubled. men and women who than a national slogan.

was in 1033, I havo long million

they applied it to piermaster triumphantly. "There since accepted Gould's theory. price-and cultivate Britain's

Imported as well as home-she goes, Can yo no see her? Does the monster still exist? 12,304,000

More Produced acres of arable farmland, herd far from falling, actually Im

The nation's health standard,.

Crown foud.

Sho's going for the head of the Does it come back to its peaceful On an average, the nation's 104 million cattle proved markedly during the war, produces 20 percent more milk view, they meant guaranteed

From the farmer's point of loch now!

refuge from time to time, or has and 22 million sheep and look. But, obviously,

It fellen victim, fee out in the this kind of than its 1936 counterpart, and markets at a price he could bank Honesty compels me to conocérn

to memy or cultivation on Thus encouraged, he pro- that not a ripple did we see other?e, to some you

on the bright waters, no stock,

Who can toll? N Gradually, that system is narrow bend, no humps astern- field and, for many of the men to lay 34 percent more eggs.

But it wo

was 'n strange story. folk at home, an evening in the And By some mixture of miracle leaf was much more attrace farm produces 40 percent more, sumers more freedom of choice, nothing else at all. Jointly wer

overy man-hour on the competition and to give con- the foch end", the high.

and perhaps it that. and cunning, they are manag -24.00, |Ing: to, produce more than one allotment

tive than an evening on the

The last figure is doubly signi

the *bardo wartime tipped the plermaster

slender neck and those humpe neant when it is plotted against, principio remains the same, and back to the man had, the ever embras, gan from the 15.00 and--at times as much cs.

they

the necenity didnt end” before the war. Because with the war. Britain's ove

of farm labour. In new systems of price guarantees fault was ours, perhaps we were waters of the locha new

Since then, koop, production at top levels.

after its Ave million pigs and 70. ghock-tadties couldn't provide a every me million fowls.

under

much

every cow

+

lasting solution.. Housewives yields 20 percent more Hens duced without glint. proferred; tho klichin to the have oven been prevalled upon balas pared away to stimulate | nothing but the winter eNWT and fist Ducember of 1983;

the Pastam employed 990,000 (gorve, to stabilito prices arid dazzled by the aun, unaccus4 #terallon of hurnalidis will be V

but more successful

3.00 Britms are cating more than investments were largely gone; farm

oversong (1021 works out to allgatory, that the export trade was in their number have brea falling. In the long run, the woods come to know what to look for, are to read the appearance, works out to slightly as the shamblas galf Britons wanted, to all, today, there is only 110,000, a whole Ideas a food storage ought to have latened to their

a couple of larky young men who cager, kalike prodócéssona POST, LTD. Import-bothered, politicianu, gva, not less, food,

man labour force is the aldehe fruits of her, half the food consumed--but to eat, they had, to produce more, the gradual, shrinkage of the and Britain unlikely. emat olders and betters. To mont KOWLOON s looks a lot better than the the Machinery and science game to planation. Another let the every mirada elek PERMARKETEN, pre-war third

increasing mikaotion of industry, 22 Tomorrow: New

Khy Tabợ tha: virango-story ofɑ

Lock N Morrone (was, thank