1952-11-19 — Page 4

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יד

THE CHINA MAIL, WEDNESDAY; : NOVEMBER: 19, 1952.

Sitting On The Fence

By.... NATHANIEL GUBBINS

L

ORD BALFOUR OF With this new, refreshing angle INCHRYE Baid, in a on your troubles try giving him your most winning smile. If he speech, that after the hits you with his umbrella be- Kaiser's war n group of cause ho thinks, you are laughing young airmen at the RAF at his hat, you have only your- College, Cranwell, met each self to blame.

evening to assess what they called "unita of picnsure per hour" enjoyed during the day.

They agreed that if 100 units represented paradise on earth, 20/25 units would mean suicidal misery, and 85/70 units a very happy day Indeed.

Here is a record of your Uncle Nat's units of pleasure during the morning of one day last weck.

nt.

Believing it to be a day off happy and

So unusual, award self 90 pleasure units straight away.

Someone Eke you must always

be an ass,

Someone like you at the bot-

tom of the class;

Someone like you must always

take the blame, Must always be the stepping stone while others climb to jame.

But clever men, Ike managers. who work by day and night, Clet chronic indigestion.... and It serves them dann well right.

with nothing to do wake feeling Tottering throne lus been said often enough that in these desperate times those who flaunt their wealth arrogantly in the faces of the under-privileged are the basic of revolutionary

Moment later realise it is work day. Not so happy. Subtract ive units. Light cigarette be fore rising. Stomach rebels. Cough. Not so it. Subtract another five units. Total now 80.

Look forward to early morn-

Ing toa. Add five pleasure units. While absorbed in newspapera, forget to put tea in pot. Result, cup of hot water and milk. Subtract five units. Total still

80.

Hooray, Find an idea. Award self ten units. After one hour's work Iden no good.

cause ments.

πιους

For instance, ir ex-King Farouk had not behaved as he did he might have been King of

today.

could also be sold that if Lottie the Devil Cnt continues to behave like a greedy, spelled will soon be ex-Queen child she will

Dustbins. of the

For some years her position as the best-fed cut in the neigh bourhood has been tolerated, Her beauty has been admired. Her easy assumption

that she to the best of every-

Second Day OF THE THREE-DAY SERIAL

WHICH WILL ENABLE READERS · TO · JUDGE' WHETHER - FILM MAKERS KAVE DANGEROUSLY OVERSTEPPED THE MARK IN A PICTURE WHICH POKES FUN AT RUSSIA-

Her name was Tania--Generado Tania, (monar petite

set 22. Acoela Villas again. WH be home soun, she reemed to

think I was mad.

THE STORY SO FAR: George Potts, sanitary engineer at an atom station, has taken the plans of a new atom bomb to Russia in a switched briefcase which, he thinks, contains only his plans for a new plumbing station. The Russians think he is a great scientist. He knows he is just through the snow next day and

a good plumber.....

COULDN'T get over the fuss they made of me once I got to Moscow. I even had a hotel suite of my own.

I also had Comrade Tania Conirade Tania Ivanovs. was an interpreter.

"I am at your service," she said. "You wish any- thing, please?"

I couldn't speak because my

Adam's apple Was

Curse and was used no envy because she stuck in my throat and I

throw away. Subtract 20 units. Total now 10.

thing

was symbolle of a way of life all ambitious cats desire.

Find another idea. After one hour's

While she shared her wealth Ilbellous, work

seems

of rabbit stew and flah with Curse and throw away. Subtract

who called at the 20 units. Find third idea. Two hungry cats

kitchen door her throne was hours work. Seems indecent.

Not a voice, not a paw Curse and throw away. Subtract safe. 20 units.

Total

now 30, near. was raised against her. suicidal misery point,

Walk out for refreshment. For pleasure anticipated award 20 units. For pleasure realised an- other 20 units. Total now back

to 70.

Веге

says

Ave,

✩ ✩

he

cats❘

The first blow at

this happy relationship between queen and the subjects was struck by queen herself when she slapped the face of humble hunger-on at the Dustbin court as streaked in to gulp his usual crumbs from the rich cal's table. Well-known bore walks in.

Other

cals, accustomed Units drop to 60. Borg says swallowing a half-esten leg of "Good morning." Units drop to rabbit while the full-fed queen 50. Bore, looking at rain on looked on with a benign- smile,

their had

tails window pane, adds "if you enn have

and call it a good morning." Units stomachs bitten. Even those drop back to 30.

who approached the palace gates "I think this will have been chased over

the amuse you." Units down to 25. garden wall. Bore says "It made me laugh.

Now the

situation is rapidly anyway." Units down to 20. deteriorating Bore says

local "It prems there was Led no doubt by the on Irishman with a very clever

Meow Meow, 2 dozen dog."

Units tumble to (Beginning to sound like pante assembled recently in the palace Paws were clenched garden. on Stock Exchange). Bore con- and the howling

of the mob tinues "Of course, I can't do sounded as threatening as the accent." Units quiver_at_old. French

revolutionary cry: "A bas les aristos."

The queen showed the courage of her breeding. Alone and unafraid, she went out to face the mob and had to be lifted bodily away from, the flashing claws. WHY are you glaring at the

But the question remains: man sitting opposite in the Wal Queen Lottie see the crowded train taking you to the

writing

on the wall City?

You do not even know him, graciously distribute her He has

never done

you any esse?"

Or will she cry: "Let them harm.

ent cake" and be chased into Then why do you glare at exile with ex-King Farouk? him?

It is not because you

-(London Express Service) hate him. It is because you hate yourself.

zero.

But bore says "I'll do my best." Units zero,

ותות

Tonic talk

I

пос

Perhaps, you hate yourself because your work is distaste- tul. because you have Ул succeeded

* competitive world, because you have not been smart enough to lift your- self out of the rut and leave the drudgery to others.

the

lar-

was blushing. Whew! Com- rade Tania was a lovely girl.

TOP

We took a train and a sleigh

arrived at a heavily guarded building. "Where's this?" I asked. This is our stonie research "centre," said Zekov.

"Ah, that's famillar ground," I said. "Where's the sanitation section?"

"The Soviet Union would never allow you to work there," re- torted Zekov, indignantly, "You

SECRET

shall have s laboratory of your Own."

By LEONARD MOSLEY

They introduced me to the Rusela was certainly a wonder- Bevan-giving a Downing Street

staff of the cent:c. "This is ful place for plumbers. Why, dinner for a Russian plumber?-

Doctor Korsakoff, who split the Some admiral made a speech atom in 1892. And this is Pro- they were treating me with such deference I might have been in which my name WAS men- tesso: Kicbik, who invented rada: seientist bringing them the plans toned several times. at which m 1899" of a new atom bomb!

everyone cheered; and Churchill's, Of course, the moment I stuck which I was the only one who my head in my bathroon & could clapped; and the Americans, at see why they were making me which everyone boood. so welcome.

✰

It was quite a jolly party, and when Zekov, the man who had brought me from Paris, nudged me to my fee: I felt very hoppy

"You want the benefit of my

★

"But aeroplanes weren't in- vented then." I protested.

-|

"We anticipated them," said the director. "And this is Pro- fessor Robieliski, who invented Tania watched mo *Addling around with the pipes and sinks,

the atom bomb In 1935. We eje and said coldly: "You will and knowledge," Iemid, "and I'm too humane to explode it. no microphones there, Comrade prepared to give it. Healthy And Comrade Trubley, who in

.1 vented the jet engine." Potts

people breed healthy minds. shall do my best to put Russia in "Microphones?" I repeated. "I the forefront of the nations," was looking at those soldered

Here Stalin positively exploded foirits. Very rudimentary plumb- ng-oh, very. You get many with good will "I've heard nasty things about Russia, but I freeze-ups in the winter?"

that they are now can see untrue,"

“Oh," il sali, "lhen you know Frank Whittle?" "No" said Trubley, "Who is he?"

The scientists crowded round me and eagerly asked me about

new invention. my flattered.

1 was

She sniffed. "We rarely have trouble, winter or summer," and

I paused for a moment, took s "You mean my Multi-Range walked haughtily into the other

deep breath, and then i said: Fast-Flowing Flush Unil?" room,

"But I must criticise one thing.

"That's right," said one pro- That night they gave a dinner I shouldn't be honest it didn't. for me in the Kremlin. Molotov Mr Stalln and gentlemen, from reasor. "Tell us, is the principle heavy was there, and Vishinsky, and what have seen your plumbing of dispersal based on

other Malenkov, and all the heads of the Cominform. At the head of the table sat Stalin, and every time he looked in my direction he gave me a smile that would have melted your heart.

ruddy awful!"

There was an awful silence for amcement; and then Stolin started to clap, and all was well. J

water?"

"No, just plain water" I salu, and wondered why they looked so nabbergasted.

Half an hour Inter, in my room, came disillusionment. The

And then, next day, I learned director of the centre gave me a

I decided right then and there the horrible and disillusioning British newspaper. "You will no that the Russians were a won- fruth. I had notleed that every doubt be Interested in the lies and derful people; the only people in time I talked about geing back they are telling about you back

the world to realise how vital to England Comrade Tania there," he chuckled. was good sanitation.

looked at me curlously. And Interested? I was flabbergasted. when I ended a letter to my For there was the story that I Why, can you imagine Winston landlady in Barworth with tie was a traitor who had fled to Churchill aixi Anthony Eden- words "Having a scrumptious Russia with the plans of Britain's Lor Clem Attice and Aneurin time in Russia but longing to new, utom band. I gaced to my

TOO MANY WOMEN LINGER

ON IN

IN THEIR TWENTIES

London.

W X7OMEN in their thirties

Perhaps you hate the manager ut your office because he has been smarter than you. Perhaps who tried to make the you hate yourself for not taking census-takers believe they the opportunities he has taken. Péchops for years you have been were still in their twenties wanting to tell him what you fooled nobody but them- think of him, and hate yourself selves.

BQ.

born

some

·

secrecy

By JAMES BARTLETT

brief case. It was true. There Inside was an envelope marked TOP SECRET. Inside, were the plays. I trust them into the fire, but they had been proofed

and against heat.

.would not burn.

Just then one of the Russian professors came in.

"We are so intrigued with your talk about your berb," he said, "that we cannot wait. Look,

They show how 2,251 census toneliness last? That is still a I have here the plans of Russia's

census secret.

bomb for you to look over. officers discovered that:

NEARLY 820,000 married The fact that 2,000,000 heads Please give me yours, so that we couples live with in-laws. of households are not gainfully can study it."

THE HEAD of the house- employed or retired miggests I looked around in desperation. f hold in more than 2,000,000 there is an, untapped, source of Then I had an inspiration.

went to any suitcase and took out homes is neither gainfully em- manpower in Britain. ployed nor retired.

But that term "head of the a copy of the scheme for my AMONG every 100 married licusehold caused a lot of Multi-Range Fast-Flowing Unit." women, 22 are childless, 30 Futher last year in homes where I handed it over. have one child, 20 have two the wife and not the husband children. 12 have three children, considered herself the head. and only ten have a family of four or more.

•

•

•

for not having the courage to do For returns from the

"Don't be surprised by the If there are your thoughts. 1951 census take into ac-

words 10kke cistern and wastepipe don't blame yourself for being a count "age misstatements."

and ballcock," I said. "It's just dunce.

Most It is not your fault. This is really a graceful bow

a codlo." "Very clever. People are born that way. Don't from officialdom to women THE WELSH language is So the census leaves another Ingenioss," he chuckled, and blame the manager

How many handed over his plan to me. for being "in their twenties" whose dying out in Wales. Only half ceret unrevealed:

gono 1 themselves. In as As soon as he had smart. People are

that births went down in the the youngsters speak it today toiver filled way too. And how,

compared with a generation ago. "head of the household, not rushed to the window. No way out there. A Red soldier with a And if you are still glaring records before 1921.

Kainfully employed"? Even nt that poor man opposite, don't

the census

BIGGEST BAFFLER: The tommy-gun was stationed oul- blame him for putting his ton-pledge did not, got the answers Although the usual four-year census

more skled slipped into the ante- shows 132,000

room. I saw a fur coat which I gue out at you. His patience is to

questions. Nearly time-lag in bringing out census wives than husbands. exhausted.

ing to Comrade Taniand, ferred not to tell when they months, the plcture is already abroad. But nobody knows how sitting open the lining, Innlá were married, or "how meny out of date.

many single women Hving at children they have.

In 10

months, more than home on the day the census man melde both the plans I had 325,000 new houses have gone called put "wife" after their brought from Britain of our own By confining questions to up. Many young wives who nurmes. To keep their secrets bomb and those I had got from

the professor of Russia's married women under 50 the were aliaring a kitchen when they were willing to risk a; £10 wondered how long it would be before the scientists In the ceurus missed, too, the biggest the census man called now have fine.

FOOTNOTE The document other room rumbled that I was event in the lives of nearly 40 honica df-their own | mothers; in the past 10' months, On the other hand, hobody of other people's secrets gives only a plumber and not the They were 50 for over when knows how many old folk have away one secret of the census great atom-bornb specialist they their babies werò born.

moved sides then into their men, themselves-their idea of thought.

S * In the 200-page repart the children's homer. Ab census the opposite ends of Britain's confidential, secrets of nearly time. 100.000 : widowed or family life. They speak of "all 14,000,000 homes, are hidden in divorced parents were living the variety of distortions met an imperionul mass of figures: with their nong or daughters. with from the simple East Hom But one home), in every len type (of home) at ate extreme Britain last your, was that of a solitary to the complex Chelsea type at

bak, man or woman. How long does the other **

323,000 wives, for example, pro- results has been cut to 19 Some husbands certainly are thought I recogniloed as belong-

$5.

1952 GILES ANNUAL

stock will be limited.

Bookings accepted at

SOUTH CHINA MORNING POST LTD, HONG KONG & KOWLOON.

ZU CERFLO

1551.Grand One per cent. Sample Tables, Part

those

TOMORROW!

The Russians

are after me!!

Lonába Kiprssä Barelor

AMERICA COLUMN

from KEWELL ROGERS:

BUSINESS EXPECTS A BOOM

Now York. DETTER DAYS for busi Dness in the Risenhower tra.

That' is the almost unani-. mous opinion of business men large and small the country over.

They base their belter on these expectations: lower taxes, less red tape, sounder Govern- ment financial policies, and n more friendly attitude by Government ofcials towards

business men.

And so the business mou are planning expansion.

will

A FINANCE COMPANY in Los Angeles announces plans, to open now offices. A railway chief says his company make larger capital outlay when taxes

fall. A Massachusetts dealer in electrical goods nounces a 10 percent increase in his purchases.

-

Says an airline chief: "Wo are reborn," And an insurance company is giving its 6,000 - ployees an "Eisenhower victory" halt-holiday.

On the New York Stock Ex- change, industrial and rollway shares went up again, some by a dollar.

SAYS an

American report: "Elsenhower's viclery - will : mean a delay in the Canadian i General Election, The Liberi Government fears a Conserva- tive victory the election. held soon"

k

EVENTH EXPORT to Brond- way of British playwright Terence Rattigan is "The Deep Blue Sea."

The star, Margaret Sullayon, is the mother of seven childre

(four are stepsons), And sevens, bring no luck,

The seven major crities say this London it falls between the Devil and the Deep Blue

does. Sea-and that the Devil not come alive.

I watched ermine

diamond-and-. audience Jukewarmly applaud the tense, grim scenes. But Miss Sullavan Ret! the rating

the performance of her career. And screen actor Jimmy Hanicy, making his Broadway debut as her lover, The power gets golden marks,

mny of Miss Sullovan's name put over the play.

A

NOTHER prospective custom- .er for Coucis-the In.. dustrial Development Board of. Puerto Rico, America's West Indian colony. The board br lieves two or three Cornet I planes operating to and from Florida would lure tourists and Eusiness men.

PRESIDENT TRUMAN..... will.

Govern- be eligible for a ment pension of 95.65déllars (£34 3s. 3d.) a month when he retires on January 20,

The pension eognes from his World War I service and later. service in the army reserve, He is not entitled to compensation as an ex-President. "He don't." even rate free postage," rakla White House spokesman.

TIGHT PROFESSORS, most of them clergymen, resigned from the Sewanes Theological School in Tennesses because the trustees banned Negroes. CAYB Mr Dean Rusk until

recently a high U.S. dip lomat: "The world would be a for chill and lonesome place our tree political institutions without the British Common- wealth.

"Americans ought not to lose night of the far-reaching Impact of the Commonwealth upon the strength and position of the United Kingdom itself."

POČKET CARTOON

by OSBERT, LANCASTER

CHRE

TOY FAIR

***4 wonder, Miss Peabod If you could spare a moragi for a quick check-up" Santa's referencers!