1938-05-06 — Page 3

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THE CHINA MAIL, MAY 6, 1938.

Wrong Kind Of Attention Bad For Child's Behaviour

"Well, daddy, I don't know just

ANXIETY MAY BE HABIT

what we're going to do. Barbara There really isn't any question didn't eat her cereal again this about it. Solicitude, anxiety, and morning. And here we have this excess of attention are bad for a lovely dinner and she's just play-child and bad for his behaviour, ing with it.

Some of this we can't help feeling, a certain “Daddy listens and looks at Bar-especially if we're of bara. The things he was going to reduce it all we can; certainly all temperament, but we should try to

tell mother about are forgotten. Mother looks at daddy significant-own good and our child's.

of it that's uncalled for, for our

ly and both look at Barbara. Bar- bara listens, wide eyed to this fascinating narrative all Barbara. And doesn't eat.

You know that we function bet-

up in

ter if we're not all "tied about

knots." But even if you can't be as relaxed and carefree as you would like, you certainly can avoid show- ing your concern in 'a 'way that's bad for your child.

“Well, daddy, whom do you think we met to-day in the park? Janey's kindergarten teacher. She likes to walk when it's snowing and it was coming down in big flakes to-day. the excess

And some of it's just habit. All of attention and the Did you notice? And there's going wrong kind of attention that chil- to be a school party next week.” dren receive is not based on a jus- Janey listens, wide eyed, chew-tifiable anxiety. We parents get ing busily the while on a generous into bad habits just as our chil mouthful of carrots, diced,

dren do. We can easily slip into the children love them.

bad habit of showing solicitude over everything our child does that "Good!" says daddy, looking at we feel her health hinges on; not his small daughter. "And I met only her food but all the routines, Dickie's father in the train. They're and especially the eating ones. getting a puppy next week; that's So try this new approach. Take what they were building last Sun-for granted that your small daugh day, a run for the pup."

as

Two kinds of IMPORTANCE

?

ter will eat, and then talk about something else. Take for granted that your small son will get ready for bed at bed time and then make Then daddy goes on to other con- that performance of undressing versation of interest to Janey's and bathing and tucking in just as mother, while the small daughter cozy and friendly and generally contentedly chews not only the pleasant as possible. Try it! It will "cud" of her wholesome dinner but be fun and you'll be surprised at also the interesting news of her how easy

success with a small young neighbour.

child can be.

יי

Children,. like: all the rest of us, want to be of importance in their home.

Barbara was of importance. But with what a difference. Barbara's was an undesirable, self-conscious importance. Her importance was gained by doing something annoy- ing.

Janey, too, felt herself important at the dinner table, very much a part of the picture. Interest play- ed upon her but in a quiet, con- structive way. That she would eat, with perhaps a casual and occa- sional reminder, was taken 'granted. So she did. I've seen this sort of thing happen again and again at the table.

VICTIM OF MOTHER'S SOLICITUDE

Take the case of Sally-

for

"When her mother's at the table meal times are a pest to all of us;: Such poutings and sidelong glances to see if she's watched, and such coaxing and scolding and cajolingg as go on. Conversation just doesn't' exist; it gets to be a bore, I can tell you," said a grandmother while visiting the parents of small daugh- ter Sally.

"But just let Sally's mother go away for the day and you wouldn't know the child. She's a perfect lamb. And at the table-why, after the first few side glances to seš who is watching her and finding no one, she licks the platter clean.'

"Sally really isn't a problem at all. She's just the victim of her mother's incessant attention and solicitude: Besides, Margaret's- nervous. And, too, she lost her first. baby and she hovers, emotionally: over Sally. I understand it, but it doesn't do gither Margaret or Sally any good. The child is much more calm and poised and even happier when her mother isn't around, Which, isn't saying that she doesn't love her devotedly?"

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