Page
PERIOD PIECE: By
dreadful thing happened the
other evening in the neigh- bourhood of London's Marble Arch. A new film of a Sherlock Holmes story was being shown at one of the palatial cinemas of that region-and
the audience
In the
took to booing and jeering at both Sherlock and Moriarty, Ormuzd and Ahriman of the Watsonian universe being treated with equal and impartial derision. account which I read of that painful scene the cinema's mana- ger, when interviewed, put it down partly to dinner and
THE
T
partly to
the shrewd and even cynical mod- emity of the august Metropolitan began "The ragging outlook. Then some people dropped in after a good dinner and began to laugh in the wrong places," he said; but added with confidence that in the do provinces the picture should very well"
I should hope so. Twenty miles from London may be a thousand miles from truth, but I should like very much to think that "in the provinces" we still do not dine our- selves into a state of dissolute derision in which the higher and
WORLD GOES BY
By
"ULYSSES?
Washington, September 8.
in
HIS outburst, for which Ulysses the Hong Kong press was given by
takes no responsibility what-the "China Mail."-Goitre scever, is understood to have been
The only account of the abdica- written in a moment of exuberance following a grateful farewell to a tion of "King Junior to appear child refugee, rejoicing in the name the Hong Kong press was given by Blah"-Excited of Junior Ulysses is given to un- the "Hong Kong derstand that this child pest's Mess..
Moscow, September 8. evacuation from Shanghai was cele-
The Hong Kong correspondent of brated with great rejoicings in that city, and the author of the master-Gass states that no mention of the piece which appears below, who suf-jabdication of King Junior appeared fered his awful presence in Hong in the Hong Kong press. This is Kong for some weeks with a forti- believed to have been the result of of the most martyred the failure of the local Constitutional
of the
tude old, felt himself Reform Association to pull off
in turn obliged to celebrate a fur-coup. Gass. ther evacuation on the part of Junior by bursting into print.
GOLTRE'S NOOZE SERWUSS $10.20 am Flash: King Junior abdicated this morning stop lead and story to come.
10.30 am.
EXCITED MESS SERVICE
Roycourt, September 8. BY "DUR" REEKINGS Special Correspondent Icrouched in a
dug-out
this
a
Berlin, September & Before abdicating, King Junior said a few words about German Kultur. "I entertain for German Kultur to-day,” he said, “a feeling which I have never hitherto enter tained for any German Kultur for which I have hitherto ever enter- tained any feeling."-Spans-Motion Co.In..
(35,000 more words of peech to come Spans-Motion).
Hong Kong, September 9. The "Hong Kong Blah" yesterday
25 follows:-"In
the
morning near the Roycourt Palace, and, at great risk to myself, watch ed the abdication of King Junior commented and the Dowager Emprèss. I car-abdication of King Junior yester competent observers see ried a steel helmet on my head, a day
China, King flask in each hand, shoes on my another victory for feet, socks on my legs, and excite Junior knew nothing of China, he ment in my heart. Every now and had never heard of China, and he oftener, a is not likely to know of China's again, and sometimes
overhead existence. China, therefore, large aeroplane zoomed
the edge on him in this respect, and It was camouflaged to look like Eurasia plane, but your correspon-anyone who has the edge on any dent and James Maurice both agree one else without that anyone else it looked very much like the Idsumo knowing that anyone has the edge (correction, for "Idzumo”
2
has
even the historical values (as I presently endeavour to show) are so far lost that Holmes and his antagonist become merely fig- -one of the ures of fun. No, no things that tickled that ill-con- ditioned Marble Arch audience was, apparently, the "Victorian Holmes. deer-stalker hat" which affected, but surely we of the village England or the grim, în- dustrial wastes have preserved enough of "the homely beauty of the good old cause" and all the rest of its not to go grinning at a hat which belongs as much to Holmes's hey-day as a brougham and a pair of high-stepping bays. What did they want Holmes to wear? Flannel bags, a pullover, and no hat at all, with his hair sleeked down by some cosmetic preparation?
Those disorderly diners-out of have lost the Marble Arch area. their sense of historical perspec- tive-if they ever had any. But if it was cynicism and depravity which they sought, instead of the lilies, languor, and deer-stalkers of virtue and Victorianism, surely they might have given a passing nod of approbation to a detective who was dope-taking long before that obviously unwholesome prac- tice was made a criminal offence. Sherlock's capacity for cocaine in the distant days when that indul- gence was a curiosity instead of a crime might have earned for him the title, gaily adopted by a modern humorist when announc ing his qualifications to deal with field sports, of "Vice-Master of the Bloomsbury Drug-Hounds"- and surely even the Marble Arch could claim no more cynical sal- ute than that? But actually, of course, Holmes nowadays (so than- derously do the hungry genera- tions of later detectives, Hapauds, Poirots, Wimseys, and the rest, tread him down) is almost noth- ing at all if he is not a thorough- ly fragrant period piece.
I was reminded of that most forcibly the other day when a maiden in a village inn, having poured out into two glasses, each not much larger than a good-siz- ed thimble, an inconspicuous modi- cum of straw-coloured fluid, look- ed at the result doubtfully and then said, "T'll have to ask in the bar: I'm not quite certain whe ther it's one-and-six or one-and- eight."
"The pale sherry's ninepence a
G.P.
in London which charge at the rate
It sounds like a fairyland flow- ing with milk and honey and sherry served in the most select establishments at eightpence a shout in glasses which one may confidently assume would dơ con- siderably more than draw off the first odd drops from the neck of the bottle.
It is, of course, all hopelessly distant and departed; as distant. as the dogcarts, the shining bays, or the wrongly suspected young man in "Black Peter" who, we are told was dressed like a gen- tleman, in Norfolk jacket and knickerbockers, with a cloth cap upon his head." If the Marble Arch of to-day is moved to deri- sion by a deer-stalker, into what frenzy of mirth would it have fal- len if that genteel young person in his cap, Norfolk jacket (think of those mysterious and super- fluous stoles of cloth that went over the shoulders and down to the skirts of the jacket!), and knickerbockers had been submit- ted for attention on the screen? Yet that is the true setting for the father of all our crime clubs; Norfolk jackets and select London hotels where the sherry cost less than in the Pennine pub of to-day establish the authentic atmos- phere for our one and only Sher- lock Introduce road-houses, “Lidos," and V-8's and romance flies out of the window though the murder remains on the floor- Baker Street of the nineties dis- appears and we are back with the vandals who would pull down Berkeley Square.
I think it must have been some of those vandals who were guf- fawing at the Marble Arch the other evening. Let them hoot, say I-but hands off our spiritual Holmes which some of us once read for excitement but now re- turn to as a period piece and pic- ture of a vanished world. G.P.
BEAUTIFUL SKIN,
glass,” said the maiden, “and the HOW TO OBTAIN brown sherry's tenpence; or else it's the other way round. I'll have to ask.”
sores.
Either figure seemed to me an inordinately oppressive, charge, so read on him must have the victory. Chin-I made delicate inquiry as to its
that basis. "Idsumo”) (Correction, take no ese advertisers are reminded notice of that last crack). Later, we special discounts are given to all adjourned to the nearest bar. (cor-advertisements over 3 inches." rection, for "bar" read "telegraph Hua-Hua-Hua-Ha
Manila, September 10. the first-
A soft, smooth, unblemished skin- office") to shoot across
this surely is the desire of every hand account of the epic story. King The Associated Mess correspon-
woman. But frequently it happens Some Excited dent in Hong Kong writes:
O the times; O the morals, and Junior also abdicated.
that an otherwise pretty face is mar-
Mess:
mystery is attached. to reports of O the charges-tenpence a table-red by pimples and blackheads, sun Roycourt, September 8. the abdication of a certain mysterî spoon for a pallid sherry of un- and wind, too, play havoc with delicate A Japanese battalion was wiped ous personage mysteriously named certain origin in a village inn skin, causing chapped lips and other out when King Junior abdicated, King "Mystery". The Associated under the shadow of the Pennines! And yet in "The Noble Bache- and it is believed that 50,000 Ja-Mess correspondent is quite sure
lor" Sherlock Holmes, after exam- panese lost their lives-Central there is no one of that name
South America, he is also quite ining the hotel bill which Lestrade; Booze..
Tokyo, September 8. sure there is no such person in produces, confidently announces According Premier Konove, no Albania. If this mysterious per that the returned American has Japanese casualties occured Fifty sonage is not in South America or band had settled that bill at one Chinese civilians were killed by an Albania he must be somewhere else of the most select London hotels explosion of gas from the Central And if he is somewhere else, he The ingenuous Watson asks him Executive Chamber, which was dis- cannot be in Hong Kong, for, after how he knows that and receives cussing China's withdrawal from the all, you cannot be in Hong Kong and the reply: By the select prices. time. Eight shillings for a bed and Olympic Games in 1948-Doremi. 180mewhere else at the same
London, September 8. The mystery is getting more my-eightpence for a glass of sherry The only account of the abdicasterious the whole time-Associat,pointed to one of the most expen
sive hotels. There
in
many
As a skin preservative there is nothing better than She-ko, a fragi cooling, non-irritating, ointment, cially devised for the curative men of the skin. Its antiseptic ing properties are also of great in cases of eczema, ring worm, bles Also for the first ai and dry sores, and similar of cuts, scratches, burns, and other minor injuries. from chemists everywhere.
SHE-KO
Soothing
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