1937-08-27 — Page 5

THE CHINA MAIL FRIDAY SUPPLEMENT, AUGUST 27, 1937

"DON'T CALL ME DOGGIE!"

I

am walking up the stairs

the rest of them just as if wanted to. I am smiling at them and speaking to them "Hello, Doggie," they say "Well gie! Where you been? I thought maybe the sheriff finally caught up to you. This is Al Peeples having his joke. I laugh with him, of course, but his fat like lobster meat where been pinked by the shell,

loathsome now than

bray never was more offensive is a popular man in this town-most fat pink m popular for some reason, pro because they know they are ex- pected to be jolly and he sells lot of printing, belongs to every- thing and was alderman one term. but he is a blatant ass with a head full of lard and not sense enough to be a real son-of-a-bitch. “Hi, Doggie," they say, Hi, fellows, hi. and I smile at them all. They aren't bad fellows, anyway, most of them; they are pitiful, really.

The same old hall, the same old long tables and uncomfortable folding chairs, the same preten- tious shield on the wall, ervice Club," and probably the same old chicken croquets and peas. The same seat between Hank McEl- gott and Flem Proesch. "Well, hello, Doggie" "Glad to see you back, Doggie" "How'd the elec- tion suit you, Doggie..

Pete Lorimer, the YMCA. secretary, jumps up as usual to lead the opening song-

Come on now, fellows, the old pepper. Dick Millin looks up

from the piano. Pete nods and lifts his hand. "Come on, fellows!" And we sing. "Sing a song of Service, pockets full of smiles

I

don't sing; I just open and close my mouth like a goldfish and mum- ble the words to myself. I'll bet Hank McElligott who is stand- ing right beside me can't even. hear my voice. If a man who couldn't sing and didn't like to try had any courage he would just stand and keep his mouth Shut tilt rybody got through, and pointed at hine and yelled, Come on now, Doggie. The old

per

et's hear that golden tenor now!” he wond just laugh and let Pete like it It is the sort of thing that would make Pete ridiculous. But I just stand and keep pretending. Like people keep going to church on Sunday morning and keep ask- ing each other how they are, and laugh at the right times, look sym- pathetic at the right times, wear the kind of clothes the clerks push at them, try to look fed when they're starving, to death, and vote for any Democrat no matter if he's no better than a nigger.

We all bow while Tom Andrus says grace. A fine lot of strong, hungry men standing - around a table waiting while one fannel- mouth, who steals more legally in a week than many an honest bur- "glar does in a year bows his head and asks God to bless the chicken croquets and peas we're going to burn in our stomachs and bowels.

The funny part is I don't have to be sitting here. I stayed away three weeks and I could stay away three more, or three years, if felt like it, only I come just hear it all again, just as you keep worrying at a tooth that has a dial ach

I am going to hear more about it I know I am more than just

At last a man arose impulse to deal with

good-natured, kidders

the name Doggie- and I find my self waiting for it, wanting hear it, when I could just as be staying away. I know what it is all right and if I have enough to know it and to tell my self about it, then I can't be can 12

I know that I will always hear about it as long as I stay i

man's town and I don't intend to move so I guess I will always hear about it all right

Banking like a dog, "Arf, arf, arf, ARP?" when I came in, then giving the signal to that whole crowd of hoodlums at his table who always help him play his lit tle stunts, and all of them rising and sticking their fingers at their heads to imitate dog ears and baying and howling like a pack of hounds

That was the day he gave me

Short Story

name.

the

"Mr. President, I make a motion that we change the nickname of one of our members, Walt Gorham. In view of Walt's remarkable discovery I move we adopt the more appropriate and fitting name of Doggie" And the next week when I took my name badge down off the rack as I came in I found that they had sent off and got a new one with the name, Doggie. Hi, Doggie. How's Doggie? How's the dog-biscuit

•king? Do you take those things yourself, "Doggie? Will they cure a cold? Pete was asking me if they'd grow hair on a bald head Well they, Doggie.

Service

unusual can happen in

ne here for chan

routine

for

would be

were not gu All we

to be

in the righ

vand

and

You can't just

to

ea

of the stuff around to drug stores and pet shops and expect it to sell like Smith Bro- thers Cough Drops overnight

But I guess I had it coming for going into something because of idealism. The dirty part of it is, though, that the Dog's Friend Biscuit really works. It furnishes just the right balanced nourish- ment for the dog's body along with the medicinal properties and keeps his blood in good condition and prevents the distemper and all kinds of other ailments he might get I still feed it to my dogs and there never were heal-

着

By Arthur Shumway

thier dogs in this man's town.

Well, I got what I got all right and thinking it out is not going make it any different

Yes, it

is chicken croquets all right, and peas and probably there will be vanilla ice cream or doughy apple pie. To hear them all laughing and talking as they eat this tiresome food that Jack Schumann is rob- bing us blind on you would think they were millionaires at a ban- quet. Somehow Al Peeples makes me think of Nero glutting himself and about to reach for his fiddle. I could touch my lighter to the underside of the table or the cloth without being noticed and give them a fire for him to fiddle by I wonder what they would think if the table started all of a sudden to blaze?

That is what a man gets for in- venting a medicated, balanced dog. biscuit, I guess, and trying to put. it on the market, not to make a lot of money, but to do some good. They would be on sale all over the

Weho would be hungry country to-day, too, if those fel-with these chicken croquets and lows had stayed behind me instead of backing out when they found

Arm just not very hungry,"

peas again? I'm not very hungry. No. But I could eat a good thick

away from

down

and

same thing with

We are

little

laugh

right

guess human rule. Otherwise out loud at a funeral so sleep with each other out in the open munist.

or vote

This thing I've got isn't apple pie or ice cn m. It is a pudding or a cake, covered with whipped cream. It is hard against my spoon I scrape off some whipped And now I understand. There is the name stamped on: Dog's Friend.

cream.

I

What a sweet little joke. Now, suppose, I am obliged to look up and down the table foolishly a as much as to say "This is a good one on me, boys. This is lots of fun. You're a clever gang all right.” So I look down the table and makes a sign that he knows, look up and

I could but then

sor

gott got

reside

Doggie Gorham

sert And the bray an eager explo

where to look all won't give him "How about it sident

true that yo

something over kitchen

the

Make him pass it around and let everybody else hav Peeples shouts. Who does he

think he is, anyhow. brays again. Brocoko What I know I sho course, is get up and walk and push it into his fat face. But then I wouldn't be a good sport, wouldn't be a gentleman; would be a martyr. So I posed to grin and look

(Continued on Page 7)

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