1937-06-23 — Page 8

WHY THE ARMY ALWAYS?

THE CHINA MAIL, JUNE 23, 1987.

LET'S PUT CIVIL SERVANTS

ON

By

Ivor Brown

PARADE

YEAR of Coronation, as of but a shirt and a half in all my ple, of smooth, polishable leather, nice crease in his trousers.

It is

A Jubilee, is prolific of parades company; and the half-shirt is two which occurred at the end of the not an opinion which appeals to all

All plumed like estridges

wind the wind,

Then

and rich in reviews. These are napkins tackt together and thrown seventeenth century and introduced

or even to most. There are many busy times for the Saluting Base, over the shoulder like a a herald's the shoeblacks of whom Gay-wrote - and the march past becomes a fami- coat without sleeves; and the shirt, in his London survey, provided home-keeping brainworkers who, if liar exercise. I do not know why to say the truth, stolen from my both footgear and belting which they have the chance to do so, will it is the fighting services which are host at St. Alban's or the red-nose could be turned into good material do their morning's work-and do it always singled out for the compli- innkeeper of Daventry." It will all for the inspecting martinet.

well-in a dressing-gown and only ment of so much overlooking. The very well for Harry and his com- came metal buttons. Even in Bar- start to shave and smarten up at heads of the Civil Service have as rades to go

dolph's time there may have been lunch-time. But that attitude to much right to a place of honour in ́-

some inspection of pikes and cali- work is not officially supported: it any procession as the heads of the

that vers, but one cannot imagine it is obvious that the suitable dress martial departments. If the King

amounting to very much; the im- for schoolboys is not a starched (or in Hong Kong, his representa-

Bated like eagles having lately provement of the rifle naturally collar over a black coat which tive) surveys sailors and troops he

shows every speck of dust, yet improved the opportunities of in- might surely survey his tax-collec-

bathed,

specting-officers with a taste for there are still many important and respected academies where a sen tors too, for without the constant Glittering in golden coats, like making trouble.

sible grey suit and open collar are aid of the Treasury and all its ser-

images,

not permitted. vants the fighting forces would not but these notables with cuisse and

The sahib, it is

retain

said, -înșista on dressing for dinner their bellicose spirit or beaver on, however worthy to stand

in the desert: he must learn at efficiency for a week..

at a Saluting 'Base, could never

school to pay homage to a hard, have endured the spectacle of Fal- staff's ragamuffins shambling past.

observe the sanctity of starch and curious, and misshapen hat and to ·

stud. Man is born free, thought the romantic Rousseau; but wher ever the unromantic sahib goes he is put in collars.

The helm of Mars may be a form of headgear with imposing aspect: but your bowler hat is the true Cap of Maintenance. Let the generalis. simos remember that there would

be no gold lace without the help of humble men in grubby offices poring

over those buff forms whose harvest is of gold. Moreover, it affords a melancholy comment on our nation- al attitude to life that artists and

*

*

The review business worked itself up as equipment became better dis- tributed and more apt to take a shine. The invention, for exam-

scholars, who surely are consider-THE

able contributors to what common glory we possesses; are never in- vited to the grand parades. When James I was King, his Players, Shakespeare

among

them, marched in the royal processions in special scarlet

*

*

*

If formal reviewing on the large scale is to be justified at all, except as a species of exhibitionism de-

who hires all this labour and buys signed to entertain the taxpayer

all this gear and the unguents which make it shine, it can only be done on the assumption that a man will really do his work better if he goes to the office with a clean col- lar, his coat well brushed, and a

WORLD GOES BY By "ULYSSES"

the course of a long

.

Does it work? Is there any grace in feeling correct-after the pains and boredom of achieving correcti- tude? It is the judgment of many in authority that clean hands go with clear heads and a natty aspect with a nice attention to business,

The British addiction to reviews- and reviewing, with the consequent largesse of flags and

gowns. But nowadays the soldiers I founalists of rear I and varied signing a few dozen cheques and seem strange to the hunting, may

and politicals have it all to them-

explanation of our taste for a selves. Poet Laureates can stay at viewed many famous personalities physical jerks. the desk and the gorgeous robes of in all walks of life. Among those

formal parade with flags in the air "Look," he .continued, leading me learned doctors are left to the lec-I have met professionally have been by the nose to his desk, on which is, after all, not difficult to dis- cover. Nothing is more certainly ture-room, though some of them Charlie Chaplin, Mr. Baldwin, the were untidily arranged seventeen would grace

even a cavalcade of Albert Memorial, Mr. Lansbury, the typewriters, a rubber stamp, a pen-than the notion that happiness and fixed in the British point of view Household Troops and outshine (old woman who sold flowers in the cil (unsharpened) and a copy of a Heraldic Bigwigs.

Haymarket, Clapham and Dwyer, last year's newspaper. "Look, this is sin go together. At any national the Arc de Triomphe, the Arch- part of my work for this morning." with a banner of admonition: we junketing some pietist will arrive

Civil servants;

"Gigantic," I breathed. "Gigån-who rejoice shall certainly be however, will bishop of Canterbury and General

Franco. hardly be grateful for the sugges-

Every one of them gave

tic."

turned into hell. He turned and mesmerised me with tion crowds in London were flags Amid the Corona- tion that they should be subjected me an insight into their amazing to formal review, nor will the men personality. The grip they had on his piercing glare, that flashed from announcing "After this the Judg→ of letters and the high academicals. events connected with their posi-those leonine eyes of his. Yes, ment.”. Such harsh and menacing They would only be wearied. For tions amazed, if not flabbergasted, make no mistake, boys, leonine was prophecy does crudely represent reviews are more ceremonial and me. What depth! What gifts of what I said. Leonine.

part of the national attitude to a complimentary than‍ testing and leadership! What boloney!

"So you don't believe me? I tell good time:" The corollary of this practical. They are a nuisance to

you we shall succeed. Our sales is the association of virtue with all participants, however much they

I shall never forget, for instance, shall exceed all other sales, but only misery. That is why so many gratify the eager spectators and the taipan of an ancient and hon-can this be done through discipline. pupils must still have stiff collars: those who stroll up to. stand and ourable hong This man, control-Discipline!"

they hedge off depravity. Women, stare. Reviews have little to do ling a vast sales organisation, look- And I knew he was right, this being less ethical, are less frighten- with reform. They spring no sur-ed and was exactly what he wasn't. man with the inflexible purpose, the fed of ease and convenience. But prises and they deal with surface His flashing eye, serene untroubled indomitable will,

men, tortured by moral notions, matters. They thrive on spit and brow and firm mouth gave me the “Of course,” he continued, "we continue to wear the least comfort- polish. Due notice is given, and impression that here was a Man. have our set-backs, but I look to the able clothes for occasions of cere- the parade is according to plan and preparation.

future with unbounded optimism. mony, festival, and dance. Their dis- When I called," in some tredida-

Through rose-coloured spectacles."

comfort is their tribute to goodness, And he laughed that

their salute to duty and decorum. infectious Ancient armies and navies must taipan before, he said, “I'm have been occasionally submitted to gular guy but I must this kind of formal scrutiny. But pline. We cannot achieve anything the great age of reviewing only without discipline.

tion, as I had never laugh

of his. I had to laugh too When soldiers or police or dustmen

.

it was so infectious. He roared. are inspected they have to waste a great deal of time on spit and Discipline is roared. We both roared.

As I went out he kicked me gent-polish for selves and gear and begins with the regular supply of the be-all and end-all of our exis-

ly in the seat of the pants, and I harness. Then they stand motion- regular equipment and the organ- tence. Discipline."

felt I had been in the presence of a tremes of heat or of rain. As far as less, for long periods, often in ex- isation of sailoring and soldiering "But what about sales as careers of some duration and tured to ask. Ah, sales," he said, truly great man blessed with a fine their real work goes it is all quite sense of humour and a strict devo needless: no professional advantage establishment. When Falstaff col-seemingly puzzled. Sales, sales lected his conscripts in Gloucester- and again sales.

tion to duty. Yes, that is what

is achieved. They are bored, and Although controlling vast inter-probably they shire (after freeing those with we want and must have."

miserable, they are

I ven-

The polish on boots

ests he never once gave me a hint being madere bullied. But sb," bribe in their pockets) he exclaim- Although somewhat intimidated that he would rather be in the Club brought, it is believed, into some ed, "Bardolph, give the soldiers coats." The species of coat obtain by his flashing eve, I asked. "Do having a drink than talking to me. state of grace. able from such a master of old, you work "much"?” "Oh, yes," he He never revealed that his respon and buttons is thought to be reflect- :nance and supply as Bardolph replied modestly.

bed at 3 o'clock every morning, great nahed heavily on him, Aled In their souls. It is an odd would scarcely atand up to inspec

indeed, Truly great. He theory, but very dear to our govern- tion. Somewhat earlier Sir John Sundays included, get to the office told me nothing but I shall always ing class and still accepted by the had described his troops as the un- at 3.05 a.m., dictate fourteen letters remember that infectious laugh and governed. The theology of both is loadings of the gibbets. “There's simultaneously, at the same time that kick. I'm still bruised.

simple.

“I jum” out of sibilities