1937-05-28 — Page 30

THE LIARS CLUB

TELL, here we are together, of the Liars'

WELmembers

Club, and if I can get some at- tention from Brother Kent Gra- ham, who's busy harpooning gup- pies (they grow pretty big, he meeting to says) we'll call this order.

·

First we have some unfinished files. notice

I business in our we haven't as yet checked on the report which claims it's so cold in Key Junction, Mich., that when the natives drink a cup of hot coffee, they first have to bite through a layer of ice

And I have a note here from Jim Bell, whose integrity as a whopper swapper is never ques-

human,

the mosquitoes devour.. 'em before they can submerge".

Mr. Secretary, write an ang- wer to Brother Bell and tell him we have mosquitoes so big in New Jersey, they slap humans. At Eagle Lake, where Brother Lut- ter has his cottage, the mosqui- toes teamed up with the fireflies, so they could select the best spots to bite.

from James Here's a bid Sokora of Philadelphia, who des- "chambermaid cribes himself as at a race track.”

A horse in my stable, he as- serts, was black except for a white That was the on its nose. spot

tioned at Cairns, North description, but it doesn't fit any

land, Australia. Jim sent snapshots along, and on the back of one, he writes:

"Vision

Falls, near

Lake Eachem. The fence is to prevent the mosquitoes from dragging un- wary sight-seers into the water to use as crocodile bait. When the crocs come up to the top for the.

more, because it travelled so fast in the first race that it ran right through the white spot, which is now located at the end of its tail. relates Sergeant Earl Young this experience during the World War. "While watching the Ger- man lines through my field glass- Ger- es one afternoon, I saw a

on duty, guarding a huge

man

arlsberg

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powder dump.. Picking up my riffe, I adjusted the sights and fired a quick shot knocking the cigarette lighter that he was holding out of his hand.

"Realising the opportunity to exercise my marksmanship to the took advantage of the A.E.F. I careful aim and fired again but I'm almost ashamed to tell you the rest of the story. I had to shoot five times more before I spun the wheel on the lighter, lit that powder up it, and blew dump!"

From St. Louis, Mo., comes an the It seems anonymous letter. writer's grandparent was a rid- ing fool when he got in an en- "gine cab. ·

'em

"Granpappy really rolled when he got the high ball," the Missourian confides. "One day he was pulling a long freight into Salt Lake.

City from the east. Just he got into the yard limits, they flashed a red light on him. He stopped

all the train right, but he was going so fast that when he set the brakes in Salt Lake City, he slid more than two hundred miles of track" out into the Pacific Ocean.”

And now, fellow fibbers, on this occasion I want to pay respects to a brother who lives right here in Burlington. I refer to Bill Bun- ner, the only truthful member in our club.

It seems Bill went duck shooting up Fox River with Joe Thiel one miserably cold day, but let's have Bill tell it as he told it to the boys in the clubhouse.

- G

“I saw 'em coming, and I says to Joe, 'Get down, here they come." Joe wanted to shoot, but I says, 'No, let 'em light,' and darned if they didn't light right in 'mongst our wooden decoys. There were one hundred of them, all mallards. "Well, we both had repeating

·By-

O.C. Hulett

guns, and we cut, loose into them and emptied the guns as they got up. We picked off ninety-nine out of the hundred.”

One of the gang asked, "Bill, why

don't you make it a good story? Why don't you say you got all of them?"

"No sir!" shouted Bill, pound- ing on the table. "Ninety-nine. Why lie for one duck?”

One of our Bluefield, Virginia, correspondents reports that

there's a lot of trouble curtailing production in the Old Dominion. If all the crops down there grow like Brother R. H.

1. Bowman's cucumbers, no wonder the A.A.A. wouldn't work.

"You know,” writes R. H., "down here in Virginia we have some mighty fine farming land. I went out in my garden last sum- mer to plant cucumbers. I made several hills, put the seed in the hills, covered them up and turned around to pick up my hoe. But the cucumber vines had complete- ly covered it over. I started out of the garden and the vines grew so fast I couldn't see to get out. I reached in my pocket for my knife to cut through the vines, -and darued if I didn't pull a cucumber eight inches long out of my pocket!"

If I hear a motion to adjourn,. we'll end this meeting. Until we convene again, brethren, remem- ber lux Tet veritas That whirring sound you heard was Diogenes turning în his grave.

PEPPER AND SALT

He: I can read you like a book. She: O. K., but lay off Braille method.

*

the

A man walked reluctantly into a hat store.

"I just lost a bet," he said, “and I want to get a soft hat.”

The salesman, selecting a hat from the shelf behind him, handed it to the prospective purchaser with the remark:

"This is the softest hat we have.”

The customer gazed at ït speculatively "What I want," he said reluctantly, "is something a little more tender. I've got to -eat it."

*

: Did he propose?

U: Yes, but not what you think.

**

A gentleman slipped on the stair and started to slide down to the bottom. Half-way down, he collided with a lady, knocking her down, and the two continued their way to the lower landing.

,

After they had reached the bot- tom, the lady, still dazed, con-- tinued to sit on the gentleman's chest. Looking up at her, he finally said politely, “Madam, I'm sorry, but this is as far as I go.”

Sister Sue: Did you get any bad marks at school to-day?

"Brother Johnny: Yes, but they are where they don't show.

Director: Have you ever had any stage, experience?

Co-ed: Well, I had my leg in - cast once.

Xcellent;

just

X is the Roman notation for ten,

X is the mark of illiterate men, X is a ruler removed from his throne,

X is a quality wholly unknown, X may mean Xenum, a furious gas,

X is a ray of similar class, Xmas is Christmas; a season of bliss,

X in a letter is good for a kiss, X is for Xerxes, the monarch renowned,

X marks the spot where the body was found!

During dinner one day a father. spoke to his son: "Sonny," he said, "I want to talk to you after dinner. I want to discuss with you the facts of life." So after dinner when they went into the other room, the son quietly closed the door behind him and said, "Well, Dad, what is it you would like to know ?".

He: Let's sit this one out in the library. I want to talk to

you.

Sweet young thing: Oh! men are so subtle.

You

One On The Army Lawyer: You want to divorce this woman? Can you name any co-respondent?

King Solomon: Not offhand, of courge, but I strongly suspect the Royal Light Infantry.

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