CHINA MAIL CHRISTMAS SUPPLEMENT
CHRISTMAS
CRACKERS
"What are you reming home at this time of day for?"
"Breakfast."
Fitting Gift
A jig-saw puzzle.
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The Christmas Turkey
You must choose it before you can pick it
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Businesslike
The brewer who sends all his customers an XXX-mas card
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Well to the Front
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Mistletoe has its drawbacks, declares a writer. My Sapper isn't one of them:
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She'll Find Out, Anyhow
"Don't tell your wife you have no money this Christmas," warns "an optimist It's better to give
than deceive
Wellerism
"You're in for it now," as the taipan said when he
gave his office boy a rafle ticket.
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Diligent
The pantomime fairy who started slimming because she was told not to look round at rehear- zal
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Another Wellerism
"Yule do," as the hotel mana- ger said when he drew up the Christmastide menu.
*mand then Trushed up to the tiger and cut off his tail” "Why not his head?” #Somebody had done that hour before I got there."
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A Blow for Him
The latest crackers contain small animals made of scented 30ap. Bang goes my young nephew's happy Christmas!
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Aggravating
"Most-waits-play by ear I read. I wish they wouldn't play so much by mine.
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Might Be Striking
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"What do you think of a clock as a gift idea?** I am asked. Well, it has its moments.
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Festive Spirit
Many public-spirited people give away coal at Christmas time. From their upper win-.. dows. To waits.
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As It Were
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"I like my Christmas to be out of the ordinary." writes a cor- respondent. A sort of Christ-
mas bizarre.
نه
"There's only one thing worse than shaving with a razor that one's wife has borrowed for sharpening a pencil"
"What is that”” "Using the pencil,"
ALL WENT THE SAME WAY MacTavish called his friend Sandy on the telephone.
"What's detaining ye, man?” he asked. “Aren't ye coming to the birthday party?”
"Weel"
C Sandy's voice over the wire, "I diana think it wise, Mac."
"What's wrong, mon?" asked the other.
"Weel, we've got a case" of laryngitis in the house." explain- ed Sandy.
"Bring it along to us, then,” said MacTavish. "You know we
can drink anything here."
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"To be a successful sword- swallower requires years of One training," says a writer. should begin with small table- knives, helped down by generons portions of green peas.
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THREE AGES OF WOMAN
18-What's he like?
28 - What does he do? 23--Where is he?
In America an
increase
salary is called £ raiss. Hong Kong it is called a mirac
In
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Old Timer
A West of England garden contains a holly bush reputed to be two centuries old. A relic a the berried past
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This Week's Couplet
When the moon's a silvery
crescent
All the past precedes the .present.
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Up To Date
The modern child knows more about talkies than about plays for young people, I read. Hence one bright archin's request to see Arliss in Wonderland ”
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Stage Struck
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"Who knows what an unpopu- lar pantomime comedian goes through when the galleryites start throwing things?" asks a critic-The wings, if he can get there in time.
Chairman: "Could you give us 3 song?"
Amateur tenor: "Yes-but is this the time for it?"
"Yes we want the floor clear- ed for dancing.”
NO MYSTERY
A reformer, with 2 vivid imagination, was staying at a tiny fishing village. With his head full of thoughts of smug- he ap- glers and contraband, proached a fisherman and, point- ing to a shed, asked: "For what fell and lawless purpose do you use that hut, my man?"
"Well, sir,” came the reply, "It's where us do boil the win- kles."
* * He: "Do you mind if I smoke?"
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She: "I don't care a hang if you burst into flames!”! * **
Lawyer: "Are you sure that
defendant is the man who stole your cars
今
Plainting "Well, I was until
you cross-examined me. Now I don't believe I ever had a car.”
*An old school friend of yourS asked to be remembered to you called Robinson." Stacut "Don't remember him” chap with whiskers." "I never went to school with a short chap with whiskers.
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She: "We must economise- what can yon do best without?” “Your "mother: Her
Maden Version
Good King Wencestas looked out
When the light began to
weaken,
Then felt a jar as he swerved
his car
"And nearly bifed a beacoT
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Deadly Enemy
An entirely new species of cat has been discovered, I read I u- derstand she is putting up exactly the same Christmas de- corations as the Woma door
SOS
If the pretty girl, who was buying mistletoe in Flower Street at 430 p.m. last Thurs-". day, will return to the "spot at the same time to-morrow. has she will wonder what brought her there.
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The Way Out
The time is short, the list is long The prospect seems appalling: The will is good--the urge
strong,
The Yuletide spirit's calling. What shall I give to kith and kiri Now dwarfs all other questions, The one solution is give in
To all the wife's suggestions.
“And please make my big sister szy "Yes" when Mr. Jones asks her to marry him. He's promised me a new penknife if it comes
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