1932-10-31 — Page 30

CHINA MAIL CHRISTMAS NUMBER.

Christmas Humour

GIVING THE SHOW AWAY.

An innkeeper and his wife con- ducted a goose club every Christ. mas. The country folk pound. about always took part in it, with the hope of obtaining a goose or the price of one, The "publican

also took tickets for it, and some how he always won prizes. The simple country folk wondered, but attributed it to good luck. Small pieces of metal were cut, number- ed, and put into a large bag, and they were drawn by the publican's seven-year-old

daughter. On Christmas Eve the drawing was proceeding gaily, when suddenly there was a stop. The little girl was puzzled, and held her hand in the bag for a time. Her father called for her to be quick, and was almost stunned when she replied? "I can't find the hot one, father!"

Father: "Never put off till to- morrow what you can do to-day."

Dad, Small Boy: "All right, what about letting me have a"go at that Christmas cake now, in- stead of waiting until to-morrow?”

AS BEFORE.

A man who made a pile out of writing film stories for Holly- wood, and lost it all on specula-... tion, has now gone back to writ- ing for the films. A reversion to tripe, so to speak.

Near-Sighted."

*

#

"When we are out shopping my husband only looks at the cheapest things," complains an Aberdeen woman.

Chelsea "Bottle" Parties.

*Ale and arty.

"T" FINANCE.. Mussolini has now taken com- plete control of the Italian, Ex- chequer.

The house was still. All the Christmas guests but one had gone. Suddenly through the silence rang a passionate voice.

"Answer me, Dorothy!" cried the voice."Answer me. I can bear this suspense no longer!?!

"Answer him, Dorotky," echoed the voice of Dorothy's father in the hall, thinking of the coal and electric light bills, "I can't

HEAR, HEAR.

A married man is one who

·with a shares

the woman troubles that he didn't have when he was a bachelor,

*

A GOOD IDEA.

A live ostrich was a wedding. gift to a London bride and bride. groom. They are hoping that the bird takes a fancy to the electro-plated toast-racks.

*

Answer to Correspondent,

No, Henry, I have not heard of any proposed cut in the wages of sin.

*

*

Job for Strong Man

A new sandwich shop has been opened in London, and the pro- prietor says he is out to smash I under- the railway sandwich." stand that he has gone into strict training.

PROGRESS.

The British motor-car, says # writer,continues to advance. The British pedestrian also is

till making rapid strides

•

EXPLAINEDT Another shower of pebbles and stones, is reported to have fallen in Central Mexico. The latest theory regarding this pheno menon is that at some place near the American border a determin- ed golfer is trying to get out of A sand bunker.

#

that every

All

Oh, Awfully Good.

A doctor declares one "should" learn dancing. feet to the pumps!

Gin and "It.".

A court-

"A cocktail hästens ship," says a writer.

Hence the old Scottish song, "Gin a body kiss a body."

Child in Pram (to friend): "Of course, the only thing that will

put an end to it for good and all is total disarmament."

Should Get on Better.

"I have tried in vain to make an omelette out of"doors,".writes a camper. Well, now try making it out of egg".

Molly and Jack were on their way home from Sunday School on the

Sunday after. Christmas, where the lesson for the day had been on the power of the "evil one,"

"Jack," ~ asked Molly, do you really think there is a devil??"

"Rot!" said Jack scornfully, memories of Christmas Eve fresh in his mind. "It's ke Santa Claus-it's father!"

Not Drastic Enough.

A London hostess says that she always entertains budding young poets to tea and home-made cakes. But it takes more than that to discourage budding young poeta.

PICKLED POEM: Foor Percy Pitts is of the road, His car's not worth a fiver."

this expense much longer ”He understood the Highway Code,

But not the woman driver.

+

He dropped his head on the butt of the six-shooter which bung below his waist.-Short Story.

This requires a stretch of some- thing besides the imagination.

*....

EXIT..

A woman in Paris pushed her husband out of an upper window and then telephoned the police confessing what she had done. But it was too late. He had reached the bottom.

*

Don't try to mend your wireless set unless you understand it. Let us do it or you.-Advt. in: a Weekly Paper.

Thanks, but we'd rather tinker with it ourselves."

COMPETITION;

I read of a new steam shoval which can excavate twenty tons of earth; a minute. This is the Bort of thing that makes golfers furious.

PHILOSOPHY.

"All men may be cast in the same mould, but some are mould fer than others.

HIGHWAYMEN.

An American visitor says that our motor bandits, don't know 'the first thing about, highway robbery. Wait until his car wayside breaks down near a garage.

buying

Poulterer (to woman turkey): "This one, madam?" -

Woman: "No!"

Poulterer: "This une, (pause), this one?"

"Woman: "No!” "

Poulterer: "Well, let me know when I'm getting warm."

Problem for the League.

A schooner had to put into Boston (Mass.) harbour after be- ing holed by a swordfish. It is rumoured that the League of Nations may use its powers persuade swordfish to disarm.

* *

ES AND LBS.

to

"I've lost five pounds," said he dolefully.

"I've lost five pounds," said she gleefully.

Qualified.

A Birmingham man claims that" he has trained his dog to tell the "time. Of course, it has always

been a watchdog.

*

*.

HARI HAR! HAR!

The newest watches tell the time without hands. Well, mine has no feet, but it keeps going.

*

*

Joke For The Children.

A barber told the North Lon- don magistrate that he prefered. cutting hair to shaving. Shear delight,

Most Important Angles, Right-angles.

Tri-angles. W-anglea.

*

Mother (entering room prepared for Christmas party): "Where have you been, you naughty boy, your clothes are dripping wet! See what a mess you have made of the carpet!"

Boy. It's

saved Ave boys and from drowning

MotherHow

Boy: "They were just going the ice when I fell through.

Just

Page 30Page 31