1927-12-17 — Page 10

10

ART OF REPARTEE.

PUREST FORM OF

WIT.

WAR

Lord Melbourne's retort to Mr. Black, editor of the "Morning Chronicle," always appeals to me. Melbourne was Prime Minister and constantly being attacked. THE MOOD OF THE MOMENT.Meeting in Pall Mall, they inquir- ed after each other's health. Mr. B. explained that he was suffering from a bad cold. "Ah, Mr. B," said Lord M., "you have been lying between damp sheets."

Sir James C. l'erey writes in

"John O' London's‹ Węekly":

Repartee is the purest and high si form of wit, especially when it leaves no painful sting behind. A #ash of brilliant satire will silence

the must voluble opponent, whether

IL

I cannot

THE CHINA MAIL,

everyone CABINET “TOO OLD.”|

replied Curran, "for agrees that it was the driest speech of the session."

A complete collecion of clever retorts attributed to Curran would fill many pages. I must, however, the following selected include specimens:-

M.P'S PLEAD FOR RISING CONSERVATIVES.

PROMOTION AT 66.

WORLD OF HATE.

U. S, EX-AMBASSADOR'S PREDICTIONS.

иве.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17, 1927.

THE HORNBILL.

ONE OF NATURE'S CURIOSITIES.

PECULARITY OF BEAK.

If one

Here are two further specimens On your oath, wasn't your payment isterial declarations on the value of a great army with a view to finitely solved the mystery of its

from the same witty source:

"Have you heard of poor B? Ha business has gone to the devil." That's all right, then, for he is sure to get I. back again." Three and two noughts would put him on his feet again."; said the friend. of the Put me down for one noughts," replied Jerrold.

Black ?"

are youth in polites, and critics pointing out that there has been a

Young Talent.

his scathing satire.

Even the Church did not escape complete disregard of the chances morning he was present at a ser-states the "Evening Standard."

One Sunday of putting precept into practice,

mon delivered by a pastor with whom he was intimate. When the sermon was over Curran met the preacher outside the church. hope," said the latter, "you did not consider my sermon too long." "Not at all." retorted Curran, "nor too deep either."

The present House of Commons has a greater wealth of young Con- servative talent than any Parlia- ment in recent years, but owing to

the

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Anyone who has been lucky A feeling of disappointment in Remarkable statements regard- manifest to-day among young Co-ing the present status of political enough to spend a few days at experta in Bobbing. servative M.P.s. and also атоля..

Gerard, United noticed the

hill station in Malaya must haveing.

presence of a large A miniature-painter, upon his buck benchers of experiener, be affairs in Europe were made by Fraser's Hill or for that matter any Shingling and War

CAMPBELL MOORE cross-examination by the illustrious cause they take the announcement Mr. James W.

of Mr. Ronald McNeill's promotion Stutes Ambassador to Germany broad-winged bird, circling, gen-

19, Queen's Rond C. Douglas Jerrold was a master of Irishman, was made to confess to Cabinet rank in succession to from 1913 to 1917, on his arrival erally in pairs, over the tops of repartee, I give a few samples of that he had put his arm round the Viscount Cecil, unaccompanied by in New York from a European the far-reaching forests. his sharp and cutting satire:-- la the world of politics, commerce,

waist of a certain lady customer. any other change, as an indication tour. Mr. Gerard prefaced his re-were able to see this bird close up or law. With complete command,

Samuel Warren, author of "Ten". suppose you took the waist that the Prime Minister does not marks with the statement that (writes "Jehu" in the "Straits Thousand a Year," was pompous (waste) for a common," replied the intend to make any extensive re "European relations are in a hell Times") one would find little diffi- of this deadly weapon the poli-

of a condition because everybody culty in recognising our old friend A wealthy barrister construction of the Ministry..

of the Zoo' the hornhill, but from great wit. lelan, the lawyer, or the business and conceited. He once remarked

It was thought that Viscount

a distance the peculiarity of his man need fear no adversary, I care to Jerrold, "I was dining at the once said to Curran that "No man

He predicted:- Cecil's resignaion of the Chancel hates cach other.' unt lane logical or long-winded his Marquis's last night, and again should be admitted to, the Bar who lorship of the Duchy of Lancaster

beak is lost. This heak of his is An immediate war between pie of Nature's curiosities, and an independent landed rival may be. But repartee to be there was no fish. This has hap-has not

would be hailed as an appropriate | pened twice recently,

even at the present day, in spite effective must be instantaneous.

property." "My I ask, sir," said opportunity for a reshuffle, but ap- Bulgaria and Jugo-Slavia;

That the eldest son of the ex-of close observation, ornithologists Nor I either," said Curran, "how many neres make aparently all that will happen is that Thackeray used to say that his best understand it."

a new Financial Secretary to the Crown Prince Wilhelm will soon are still puzzled by the raised retorts came to him driving home Jerrold, "anless they ate it all up-wise-acre?"

which surmounts it. stairs." from the dinner in eab, a com

Examining a county squire who Treasury will be appointed either be the next ruler of Germany; casque

Various conjectures have been put A bore met Jerrold in the street disputed a coal bill, he asked: "Did from the ranks of junior ministers and mon experience with most people.

Declared that Russia is train- forward but so far, no one has de- Reparte is only repartee when it

and inquired, "What's going on to-he not send you the coals?" "le or from the back benches.

Emphasis is laid on recent min- did, air, but--" "But what? returns the blow with the speed, day?" "I am," and off he shot.

attacking Britain. skill, and precision of a champion

It may be that this protuberance "Russia is training a great prize-fighter. In the one case it la The science of the eye and hands,

except one, enables the bird army with the possible view of which is hollow in every speclea Britain. through issue the deep note in his call, an and in the other it is regulated by

attacking Afghanistan," he said, "and also other supposition is that the casque the trained and equally quick-wit-

with the view of rendering possi-which is set above the brain cavity ful and well-balanced mind,

ble support to the French Radical to avoid shock, is used as a ham- must be confessed, however, that

movement for the unseating of mer to aid the bird in making holes The best repartee not infrequent-

in the tree, within which he builds the Poincare Government.......

his nest. The canque is naturally ly suffers by being removed from Its proper place and put into a

white, but every day the hornbill

collection. It should hrise natural-;

will colour the horny portions with

ly, and reflect the mood of the mo

a yellowy reddish fluid secretion

Frant.

in a small gland in his body. Here again naturalists have been puzzled, but the theory has been advanced that this pigment in some Their complaint is, as put to-day

way preserves the horny texture of the easque and beak. by Mr. G. R. Hall-alne, 1.P., that

Health Test. lip service is paid to the young

Suffice it to say that the health men, who are encouraged when the cd when it comes into office. party is out of power and neglect-

"In my five years' experience in of the bird can generally be gauged This. apparent neglect of the the House of Commons I have seen by the brightness of the pigment, hornbill is in ill

enthusiasm ebb away. While it is coloured, and if well, bright and perfectly clear that you cannot take shiny. It is just possible that the young men fresh from the elections casque is an aid to beauty at mat- and put them into highly responsi-ing time, like the fine feathers of ble positions in the Government, yet the peacock, but this iden could. I think if they were to make in the I think, be laughed aside, in spite Government a leaven of young men of the fact that the human and later to senior positions and with hornbill idea of comeliness are in the junior offices-to graduate mercifully not the same. more experienced Ministers to guide Not long after my interest in them for the time, they would be

these birds had been aroused I doing what every prudent business was walking along one of the many man does in his business.

paths through the jungle nt "A good many of us feel that the Fraser's Hill when I was startled claims of the rourer school are you rushhornolas, almost UNDERWOOD TYPEWRITERS being passed over for some men who may be very able but who have unearthly in its weirdness, which only lately joined the party. Also have since heard likened to some of the 'dugouts are brought steam engine or to the falling of a tree.. Collingwood noticed in the middle of last century that this "It is necessary for the Con-

curious noise was made by the servative Party to keep fresh, young hornbill while hovering in its flight and vigorous.

The witty repartee and deadly retort belong to all ages and springi from all classes, as the following examples, representing ancient and modern times taken from my large collection, abundantly testify:--

•

shines Nepartee never

more brightly than in verse, as is in stanced by Lord Nugent's reply to a libeller:-

Lie on, while my revenge shall

be

To speak the very truth of

thee.

One of the smartest sallies was made on the streets of Cork, where Curran ..Was

well known. one day

to 4

a man who has served you well than by putting him into a pivotal posi-

tion.

Government's majority and other considerations the young men If a man does his life's work he urge that they have been denied should be content; there is no opportunities of showing their necessity to put up a memorial to paces, white their prospects of pro-him-Mr. Ralph Knott, motion have been reduced minimum. exceedingly In going into the court to prosecute a popular Cork citizen, Sir Henry Hayes, for abduction, an old lady said to him, Of Sir John Irwin, a man famous "Good luck to you; I hope you'll Voltaire earned ณ deservedly

in Georgian days for his ready wit win the day, Mt. Counsel." "If I great reputation in the art of say and his love for wine, the follow-do," replied Curran, ing smurt things, and in the his- ing among many other stories is the knight."It is interesting to "you'll lose toric records of famous retorts told. One day when he was suffer note that the unworthy knight was there are none that stand out 0ing from an acute attack of gout lost to society for something like prominently as the following shin-his doctor called to find him crack fourteen years. ing example of his quick-witted ing a bottle. "Come along, doc- genius. On hearing the name of

was Sir John's greeting. Haller mentioned to him by anYou are just in time to taste this English traveller at Ferney, he little of Madeira. It is the first

Even to the very end the great burst forth into an eloquent of

# pipe that has just been lawyer retained his reputation for panegyric upon him. His visitor

| broached." To which the doctor witty sayings.

tor!"

+

said such praise was most diain-replied with righteous indignation:

A few mornings before his death by no "These pipes of Madeira will be the doctor observed to him that he "Well, the death of you;

they are the coughed very badly. "That's very

terested, for that Haller

means spoke highly of him.

we are both mistaken."

•

well," replied, Voltaire, perhaps jcause of all your suffering." qucer," said the great Irish wit, "Well, then." blithely responded with a twinkle in his faded eye, the victim, "fill your glass, for now "for I've been practising all night," Tennyson's biographer Informa

that you have found, the cause the ing the following us the two best Bonner we get rid of it the better."

us that the poet was fond of quot-

examples of brilliant reportee he

·

.

Mr. Gladstone said that the best

Father Arthur O'Leary, a very

got the better of Curran in an en- counter. Curran remarted, in one

noted Irish priest, however, once

had ever read, and often said that repartee he ever heard in the of his gay moods: "Now, I wish he would have given all his poems House of Commons, was Lord Jahn when I die that you had the key

to have made them:-

Russell's. Sir Francis Burdett,

A certain French king, seeing after turning Tory, taunted Lord

at Court a man said to be very

John with the "cant of patriotism."

of Heaven."

"Why?" asked O'Leary, "Oh," replied Curran, "because

like him, blurted out: "You are will show the honourable you could then let my in,"

much at

very like our family: is it possible that your mother was Court?" "No, sire," said the man, recant of patriotism'." "but my father was.”-

baronet a worse thing than the ennt of. patriotism. I mean the

The Prince Regent being in

Irishmen 'always took to John Philpot Curran as the high priest Portsmouth one day, and seeing of repartee. There is no one in Jack Towers across the street, Irish history, so far as I can dis-

abouted out in his royal way "Hullo, Towers, I hear you are the greatest blackguard in Ports- mouth?"

cover, who was endowed with such remarkable gifts of short, sharp, and incisive retort as the famous

Towers replied, with Irish lawyer. His witticiams and low bow: "I hope your Royal High-bons mots are famed throughout has not come here to take the English-speaking world. away my clinracter."

At a dinner table in London the turned conversation

ness

"It would be better for you." re- torted the friar, “if I had the key of the other place, or then a could let you out."

JUMPS 42 FLOORS.

young men, together with the wide-young men come in full of en-in that if the

thusiasm, and I have seen that health the beak is dry and dla-

,

ly-held view that certain Ministers are square pegs in round holes, has prompted the demand for the in fusion of new blood.

The present Cabinet numbers 21, and their ages are as follows:-

Mr. Baldwin, 60,

Sir A. Chamberlain, 64.

Lord Salisbury, 66.

Lord Bulfour, 79.

Lord Cave, 71.

Mr. Churchill, 53.

Sir W. Joyson-Hicks, 62. Mr. Amery, 54.

Sir L Worthington-Evans, 50. Lord Birkenhead, 55. Sir S. Hoare, 47. Mr. Bridgeman, 63.

Sir P. Cunliffe-Lister, 48. Mr. N. Chamberlain, 58. Mr. W. Guinness, 47. Sir J. Gilmour, 51,

Lord Eustace Perey, 40. Sir A. Steel-Maitland, 51. Sir Douglas Hogg, 55. Lord Peel, 60.

Mr. R. McNeill, 66.

to bear.

B

and was caused by a violent and vibration of the quill

Smaller Cabinet. Commender Carlyon Bcilaira, rapid M.P., who intends, on the debate on feathers of the wing much in the the Address at the opening of the same manner as the drumming of new session after Christmas, to the common snipe. move that the size of the Cabinet should be reduced from 21 said:

five,

►

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Loyalty or Efficiency, Mr. Hall Caine declared that the tendency to encourage young men when the party is out of office and

unique. The site chosen is nearly DODWELL & CO. LTD. neglect them when it is in power, "Of course, it is desirable to en- always the interior of a hollow, has been shown even more clearly courage young men, but whatever termite riddled tree near water, in recent Conservative Govern-you do will not be of the slightest the hottom of the cavity being filled ments than almost any Government good unless you cut down the num- up to a level just below the hold} The could remember.

ber of Cabinet Ministers.

with bits of stick and twigs; a "The present Government," he "If they cut down the size, then surface covering of the female's. said "s to all intents and purposes they can go in for young men if breast feather is then laid for the 90 per cent, the same ministry as they like. Anyone between 30, and eggs, When the structure has EXCITING INCIDENT IN when Mr. Bonar Law took office in 40 years of age is a young man in been completed and the whity

NEW YORK.

1922. That, of course, is due to the politics. I think that in the sub- brown eggs are ready for incuba- extraordinary loyalty of Mr. Bald-ordinate posts you must give the tion, the male seats the female in win to his associates,

young men their chance to func- from the outside, giving his domi- New York City, Dec. 7.

"That is a characteristic which tion.

such cile some protection from publicį An unidentified mun jumped from we cannot fail to admire personali As a rule, the, training is hope-forest marauders as anakes A pomnous peer once remarked

| speaking. Curvan stated that he the forty-second floor of the Woolly, but whether it represents good legaly departmental when they do monkeys, a small aperture being during a speech in the Upper could never speak in public for a worth building to-day and, hurtling tactics for a party is entirely an-pet into a department. Young men left through which his mate can House: "My Lord, I put the ques-quarter of an hour without mois without check all the way down other question when efficiency is in offices like Parliamentary and put her beak to be fed, during the The tion to myself!" And Lord Elien-tening his lips. "I have the ad- from this stupendous height, crash: concerned. I am bound to say that Financial Secretary to the Admir- tedious days of hatching,

never very faithfull borough is reported to have inter-vantage of you there, Curran," ed to his death in the midst of it would be very bad. tactics for alty, or Civil Lord of the Admir- Dyaks, jected: "What a silly answer you said Sir Thomas Turton: "I spoke traffic in the centre of Park Place. business..

alty, or Whips, are condemned to observers of Nature, according to. Although thousands of people "Speaking as a business man, if silence and departmental duty. Mr. Charles Hose, believe that the the other night in the House of were thronging the streets at the I were to run my business on loyal-think young men have a much bel-female is shut up by the male so The following specimen containe Commons for nearly five hours, time, no one saw the man until an ty and not on efficiency I should ter opportunity for functioning that after hatching her eggs she! no delicacy or lightness of touch, and never felt in the least thirsty." instant before his body struck the land myself in the bankruptcy court, outside the Government than in- may die, the maggota in her put- Latly. Davy to Mr. Rodgers: "So, "That is very remarkable indeed," pavement.-United Press.

There are other ways of rewarding side." Mr. Redgers, I hear you have been atlacking - me." "Attacking you, Lady Davy! Why, I spend my whole life defending you.".

must have got!"

•

•

The finest poem Edmund Waller oter wrote was his panegyric on the Lord Protector. Yet, at the Restoration, the poet addressed another panegyric to Charles II. "Master Waller, said the King to him, on his coming to Court, "those verses you wrote on Cromwell are far better than those you have written on me," "Sire," was the apt and courtier-like reply, "Poets always excel more in fiction than in truth."

A sterner rebuke was never ad- ministered to a monarch in em- 'bryo than Wilkca's smart retort to the then Prince of Wales. Wilkes was whistling "God save the King." "How long have you taken to that lune?" asked the Prince.

"Ever

since I had the honour of your Royal Highness's acquaintance," was the brutal answer,

Foote, the actor, was dining with some friends, and a heated discus- sion arose between himself, and a young

nobleman. The latter sought to disparage Foote by ank- Ing him what his father was. 'A tradesman," said. Foote. "Then, sir, it's a pity he did not make you one." "And, pray, let me ask what your father was, my lord?" "My father, Mr. Foote, was a gen- tleman." "Then, my lord, it's a pity he didn't make you one."

I must not omit the happy an- swer of Dr. Barrow. "Doctor," Bald Rochester, "I am youre down to the ground." "My lord," sald Barrow, I am yours to the centre of the earth." "I am yours, Doc- tor, to the lowest 'depths of hell.”

my lord, I must leave you.

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refying body affording food for the young. The plaster used by the male bird is thought to be a mixture of wood pulp fashioned to a workable mixture with the aid, of a secretive juice in his body,

Attentive Prospective Father. While the female hornbill is sitting on her eggs she is fed by the male who throws regurgitated food wrapped in a rubber like membrane to his mate from

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pellets do not always find their concerning China's

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some fruit or plant contained therein, to the ground where the latter eventually take root.

Na- tives can tell the length of time

a pair of hornbills have occupied their, particullar nesting site from the height of the resultant bushes as the birds will annually return to the same place.

The female remains prisoner until the young hornbills are two to three weeks old, when she will break down the hard friable wall of her prison, the male again seal- ing up the hole, leaving the pair free, to feed their youngsters until they are able to shift for them- selves,

Froga, lizards and fruit all come alike to the hornbill while he is not averas to a dainty morsel in the form of one of his own feather- ed cousins. Mr. Ridley tells an amusing story of a tama horabill who, becoming irritated by the passage of sparrows through his cage, caught one in hle strong beak crushed it and then tossing it' in the air recaught it and swallow- ed it whole. Mr. Ridley does not mention if this particular hornbill winked his eye as the Inst of this feathered titbit disappeared but it makes a more finished story to say that he did.

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